Â鶹ԼÅÄ

Archers parodies in the style of:

The Fast Show (Scorchio)
by Tony Keen

"...Antonios: Stirissima encore?
Elena: O pater, te non comprendre intricissimos de Borsetshire Blue.
Pat: Yakki-da cymru eisteddfod blaenau ffestiniog. ..."

T S Eliot (Practical Cats)
by by Tessa Ing

'..."...He shot the birds, he hooked the fish and looked around for more
'Cos he knew that proper gentry have a proper taste for gore ... "

T S Eliot (The Wasteland)
by Lennie the Cat

"... April is the cruelest month,
breeding GM crops,
old bedsprings and progeny of adulterous liaisons ..."

Flashman
by by Robert Ing

"..The devil of it is when there ain't a campaign to join, and this was just the case when a little affair concerning a forged banknote, a disguised nun and a mousetrap ..."

Georgette Heyer
by Lennie the Cat

"...Slowly, Siobhan got to her feet. She was an attractive girl, though perhaps not what a gentleman would describe as 'a diamond of the first water' ..."

Gilbert and Sullivan
by Elaine Mc

"...Pour oh pour the British Sherry
Fill with Shires the litre glass
And for Tony - cider perry
Cos the lager's full of gas..."

Thomas Gray
By Lennie the Cat

"..Now fades the glimm'ring landscape on the sight, And all the air a solemn stillness holds, Save where the quad bike wheels its droning flight, ..."

Squire Haggard's Journal
By Simon Ing

"..11 Feb: Hail. Jos. Breakwind d of the Spanish Pox. Obd Toothwood tried to drown himself in the Am, but rescued by One-Legged Peter, whom he belabour'd soundly for his pains...."

Lord Tennyson
By Mel O'Drama

".."Courage!" he said, and pointed to the tap,
"and make thou it a pint, they’ll be here soon"..."

Walter Mitty
By Robert Ing

".."The Old man'll pull her through", they said. "The old man ain't afraid of hell. If Grundy can't do it, it can't be done". Something mechanical began to go ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa...."

William Wordsworth
Little Dot

"..Beside the hall were tables laid, The nobles came with haughty smirk,
(And large amounts of lemonade) To look on Jason's handiwork.."

The Young Farmurs
William Norton

"..They had a girl called Emma, 37 pigs and a baby boy called Cristoffer who had a funy lip until the docters made it better. Neel thorght they were very hapy..."

Archers parodies in the style of:

Stanley Holloway (Albert and the Lion)
By Tony Keen

"...ANow Nigel, 'e lived in a mansion,
Wi' Lizzie and Lily and Fred,
And a gardener who never said nowt.
Which weren't no surprise, 'e were dead. ..."

Ted Hughes
By Lennie the Cat

" ... Was that a happy day? In Ambridge
The severed ribbon fluttered, jerked apart
As her voice raised above the bunting
..."

Philip Larkin
By Leeny the Cat

"...Slurry-smell, and hear the bees - although
Say, does the Aga greatly stand
Still guardian of that holy land? ..."

John Le Carre
by Robert Ing

"...Leamas gave him the code-name Grundy and sent an optimistic report to London. And London was not disappointed..."

John Masefield
by Little Dot

""...I must go down to the village hall, to the marquee on the green,
And all I ask is a cup of tea, from the WI canteen,..."

Molesworth
by Lennie the Cat

"...Spring is here agane wot with Hassett Hills lambs skiping in the fields litle do they kno there sad fate as untouched skool dinners ..."

Monty Python
by Kel Barrass

"... Brian: Good Morning.
Joe: Waddyew want?
Brian: Less of that tone, my good man ..."

Alexander Pope
by Mel O'Drama

"...Dear fatal Dim! Thy chocs, unwrapped,
Ne’er passed these lips in holy silence trapp’d.
Hide them, my heart, behind the stale mince pie, ..."

Damon Runyon
by Tessa Ing

"...So I am moseying down to Sid's which is an establishment I patronise when I am in funds, it being an agreeable place to shoot the breeze and lift the elbow ..."

Shakespeare
by Tessa Ing

"...Emma: O noblest Edward! Though my father rails
'Gainst all and each who bears the Grundy name
I'll stand in court for you though William fails: ..."

The Shipping Forecast
by Martine Stead

"...GO FORTH, FISHER, DOCTOR, HUMBUG. South boring west 4 or 5, not retreating soon enough, dull becoming unbearable ..."

Shelley
by Nia Nye

"...And on an old signpost these words appear:
"Estate of Brian Aldridge of Â鶹ԼÅÄ Farm.
Get off my land, you peasant, or despair!" ..."