Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Β« Previous | Main | Next Β»

IT'S OH SO QUIET...

Chris Evans | 14:57 UK time, Tuesday, 11 March 2008

This town is coming...

...like a ghost town.

There's no one around. Is it the weather ? Is it the credit crunch ? Is it that everyone's watching re-runs of the highly pornographic Don't Forget your Toothbrush and as a result jumping into bed with each other.

My pub's are seeing the quietest two weeks of the year. I've just nipped into the green grocers and he's hardly sold a fig all day. Last night, even on the m25, we barley saw a car on the way home.

When this happens, where does everybody go ? Do they all go and stay with the leggy sun tanned women who only appear when the temperature tips over seventy. What's the deal with that lot by the way ?

I was sat in the kitchen this morning reading one of my car books and as several houses and school children blew past the window both dogs looked at me as if to say, "come on dad don't go today, stay here, light the fire and let's watch old movies all afternoon."

Of course I didn't, I went to the gym instead, where there was no one, I sat in the sauna, where there was no one.
I had a shower and then changed, where there was no one. Now I'm at Radio 2....

Helloooooo, helloooooo, is there anybody here ?

Comments

  1. At 03:55 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Dan the Man wrote:

    The weather over in sunny Norn Irn isnt quite so bad as you kids seem to be getting it, however there was still a bit of a ghostie quietness about the office - I think everyone is that cheesed off with the time of year that those that can work from home, are, and those who can get out and about are also driving as afar way as possible . . .

    tuesday joke:

    A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
    The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
    "The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
    "Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
    The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
    The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
    "Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"
    "I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

  2. At 04:12 PM on 11 Mar 2008, an wrote:

    Hellooooooooooo Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssss...,


    They told us to 'batten down the hatches'

    and stay indoors so........we did ...!!!

    But we all sat listening to R 2 soooo ...it's all good

    xx :)

  3. At 04:13 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Toby Dodwell wrote:

    We're here....

    In Yorkshire its lovely, bright sunshine a little nippy but perfect weather to go for a long walk and clear the mind!

    My mind seems to be getting to full at the moment, I've look into meditation recently, does anyone have any tips?

    I'm always extremely busy at work and really need to learn to shut down and enjoy my evening, will Meditation help?

    Anyone???

  4. At 04:41 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Toby Dodwell wrote:

    We're here....

    In Yorkshire its lovely, bright sunshine a little nippy but perfect weather to go for a long walk and clear the mind!

    My mind seems to be getting to full at the moment, I've look into meditation recently, does anyone have any tips?

    I'm always extremely busy at work and really need to learn to shut down and enjoy my evening, will Meditation help?

    Anyone???

  5. At 04:41 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Dawnielass wrote:

    I'm sorry, but this is getting boring now. So the South of England has gotten some bad weather... wow! Funny how, when we have awful weather, it only makes the local news cos it's nothing special. Being situated on the North East coast, you get used to the wind. Mind you, for once, we don't have it - maybe there's only so much to go around and the south have got it all.
    Methinks Christoph, as you reside in the Sarf, that everybody's staying in cos they can't hack it. Nothing like the hardened Geordie girls :-))

  6. At 05:03 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Biggles Mum wrote:

    it's the low pressure - everyone has imploded!

    My barometer is off the dial - never seen it that low so I expect everyone is lying low.

    I am certainly moving at half pace - which is almost stop at the mo.

    Yawwwn!!

  7. At 05:24 PM on 11 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Hope the weather improves over there soon - I'm listening from Orlando, Florida (by the way, our clocks went forward this weekend so I "arrived" an hour early for the show!). Any time we get little more than a breeze then the media here goes into overdrive. They should try a stint living on the south coast of England where I grew up! Stay safe :)

  8. At 05:31 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Pip wrote:

    We've all become ninjas. Everyone was there, going about their day to day business, only ninjing at the same time. Fact.

  9. At 05:34 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Anne G. wrote:

    Evening each

    Wind's getting up in southern scotland. Hope Clodagh got over the bridge and isn't floating in the Forth as we speak!!

    Anne x

  10. At 06:22 PM on 11 Mar 2008, j wrote:

    Toby - hi

    Meditation is fab and will definitely help you destress and unwind of an evening. Try it linked with yoga too and it could just revolutionise your life!

    Good luck
    jen ewan
    xx

  11. At 06:29 PM on 11 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Is really just the time of year.

    WHen I managed a pub, these afternoons dragged. We livened it up by playing High Tig and Low Tig... hide and seek!

    There is something fantastic about a gang of 15 adults running about a large bar, clambering over tables, and perching on window ledges!

    Yaaaaaa

  12. At 07:06 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Red wrote:


    DtM

    :) :) :)

    How's the 'Ancient Secret of the Fountain of Youth'

    going Dan ? The single food meals sounded

    strange...!

    X R


  13. At 07:39 PM on 11 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Fountain of Flipping Youth. Face bashed to pieces hitting off the wall with my spinning round!!!

  14. At 08:22 PM on 11 Mar 2008, MfR wrote:

    It does seem weird, like the depths of winter have arrived in March.

    Except the weather.

    That has just gone bonkers.

    I suppose that Easter coming early makes it feel later in the year, when in reality, it has only just begun.

    Well. I know what I mean.

    5 hours on the road today, for a 'meeting'.

    Come on. In this day and age surely there are ways round this? Conference calls, 'v-con', smoke signals, carrier pigeons.......

    And, now I've lost another gym session because someone decided to break down on the QE2 bridge.

    OK, I suppose they didn't actually set out to do that, but what a place to pick. Yes, unfair again, but, grrrrr.....

    Anyway, a glass of fizz should do the trick.

    Chris. The M looked pretty busy on Sunday. Maybe we'll pop down later in the week and boost trade.

    Much love & peace

    MfR

    PS All the clubs have been closed down.

  15. At 08:57 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Simon wrote:

    Storm? If you want a storm, continue promoting PHORM! Read the blog and forum posts from technical people who don't believe a word said by this company.

    If you think it is quiet, wait and see how the ISPs feel as people leave them in large numbers for an ISP that will not abuse them in the way that PHORM seem to think is acceptable.

  16. At 11:37 PM on 11 Mar 2008, Prof Plum wrote:


    I am getting old one and all

    I know this, as I am turning into my Dad. Now it was very hard to watch Top of the Pops with him, poking fun at all my favourite bands. But it's started with me. I can't stand wailing Fiona Lewis or worse still The Spice girls... false teeth and boobs prancing around to tapes on the stage.
    I prefer this and who is that on the drums?


    Bingo Do you need a witness?
    Nev. Yes thank you. Indeed room for a comedy food prog.

  17. At 03:12 AM on 12 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Flooding and possible snow in the UK, and Adelaide, Australia has just had nine days over 35C, a record for March! Maybe there's something in this climate change lark after all.

    VaughnJess from Down Under

  18. At 09:19 AM on 12 Mar 2008, Elm wrote:

    I'm im the sunny south and can't understand what the issues aren with the weather

    okay - its abit windy out there but I though March was meant to be windy - its a shame that a few fences have blown down etc but not the end of the world - my cats are out today in the wind and I hope they do not get blown away


    anyway at work as normal and lots to do

    Elm x

  19. At 09:59 AM on 12 Mar 2008, Elm wrote:

    I'm im the sunny south and can't understand what the issues aren with the weather

    okay - its abit windy out there but I though March was meant to be windy - its a shame that a few fences have blown down etc but not the end of the world - my cats are out today in the wind and I hope they do not get blown away


    anyway at work as normal and lots to do

    Elm x

  20. At 10:57 AM on 12 Mar 2008, The Leatherman wrote:

    i'm here. i think.

  21. At 12:05 PM on 12 Mar 2008, Dissing Dave wrote:

    It's a blustery old day today!

    I've just seen a rook go flying past my window at work with a few twigs in it's mouth to build a nest in the high branches of the trees across the way. It was going backwards and the trees were getting further away! Eventually it flew low past the tree climbed and rode the wind backwards to the branch it wanted. Where it got whomped by the branch and dropped the twigs, I swear it said "Ouch".

    Keep safe one and all, it'll all blow over soon enough! Yep there goes another tree!

    DD out

  22. At 12:07 PM on 12 Mar 2008, Dan the Man wrote:

    Storms over, the birds are out, all good here in sunny Belfast – happy hump day one and all!!

    Haven’t tried the book yet Red – still trying to get my head around all its requirements – I’d like to give it my best shot – no point doing it half-heartedly; I’m not sure if Big Chief CLP has started either – the demands (outside the exercises) are quite rigid – but sure, you never know. The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
    chemistry mid term.


    Quick story for you all today:

    its an answer by a student during an exam, that was sosidered so "profound" that the professor shared it
    with colleagues, who passed it on to others, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


    Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
    (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
    (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
    variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
    need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
    at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a
    soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
    religions that exist in the world today.

    Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
    religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
    religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
    can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
    they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
    exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
    because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
    pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
    proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
    enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
    until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
    Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
    over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
    that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
    into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
    must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
    frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
    over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
    therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the
    existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
    shouting "Oh my God."


    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

  23. At 12:09 PM on 12 Mar 2008, Tinsel wrote:

    i think we're all here but the person who works the blog has presumably been blown away cos I can hardly ever get my blogs to appear any more!!

    Just in case this one does, hi everyone :-)

    Txx

  24. At 12:19 PM on 12 Mar 2008, RosieRoo wrote:

    It's the ides of March remember, everyone's being wary of them.

    Thanks to everyone for the birthday messages, by the way (especially the card on facebook!) I had a fabulous time - shoes, booze, handbags, glad rags and lingerie - what more could a girl ask for?)

    Rosie x

  25. At 12:35 PM on 12 Mar 2008, BINGO STAR wrote:

    Ello Ter Christoof & ALL Of The WWW.

    Bingo Star ere.

    CLP - Whatta coincidence, I swear yer must be phsychic sometimes...... the very reason why ave been in London is ter 'elp make up the numbers... do me part ter ease the credit crunch, that are lacking in London errr spend abitta money.

    Yeah yer dead right there CLP, what were observing is the eye of the storm aka 'urricane credit crunch!!!!!

    PS TFI did ave the above effect on me.... well The Cat did.
    What's she upto now? I bet she's one of those attractive 40yr old ex-models who work on Tesco's checkout - know what am sayin'!!!!

    Prof Plum - Thanks for your offer of a witness but sadly there's too much bad evidence against me. Am just gonna plead insanity!!

    Dan The Man - Sounds like the kind of luck I ave with women... the ostrich.
    I take it the ostrich lays eggs, so the bloke in the restaurant must feel after the genie misdemeaner 'e's got egg on his face!!!!

    Chow!

  26. At 01:22 PM on 12 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Hello Chris et al

    Over here in the Suffolk countryside there isn't much going on whether it is raining or shining. Some of the more elderly residents of our hamlet decided to retreat to the village Hut on the grounds that it had withstood WWII and would therefore be able to weather the weather, so to speak. Unfortunately their predictions did not quite work. What they forgot to factor in was the lack of maintenance since the war. I visited them in the afternoon and found one lady on the shoulders of another, trying to prevent a roof panel (and possibly the lady herself), from being blown away. I persuaded them to let the panel go on the grounds of health and safety. Unfortunately, the wind then carried the panel eastwards towards the garden of one of the ladies in the hut. In the garden were Snuffles and Truffles, her beloved ten-year old, somewhat deaf and arthritic cats. I won't dwell on the details, but Truffles was decapitated, and Snuffles won't be cleaning her ears with her paws, ever.

    Despite my protests, I was blamed for this tragic event, and I am now holed up in my barn, hoping that the wind will keep them all in the Hut until they forget who I am.

    Joseph

  27. At 01:36 PM on 12 Mar 2008, Richard Crook wrote:

    Prehaps all the leggy women are stuck in the hair dressers unable to come out due to the wind.

    Maybe those inlightened men are there too.....unlike us thickies who are stuck at work waiting to brave the elements.

  28. At 01:38 PM on 12 Mar 2008, Phoenix wrote:

    The storms overnight Sun and through Mon did do a lot of flooding in Poole - check out the bournemouthdailyecho web site for some of the pictures.. Some poor soul was caught on film on Bournemouth beach and ended up front page of The Times yesterday literally taking off with umbrella.

    I had some pictures sent to me of the old lifeboat museum on Poole quay surrounded by water you could just make out the iron bench in water by the side of the building.

    The Police had the lifting bridge opened to prevent traffic going anywhere near the quay area and a local garage had flooding along with the builders merchants and sunseeker's boats were having a great time.

    A family in Upton had their house damaged by lighting strike luckily everyone was safe. The house is a wreck though.

    Poole today is sunny but breezy.

    Good wishes to everyone else in the country as the weather moves Northwards.

    Phoenix

  29. At 03:53 PM on 12 Mar 2008, j wrote:

    Sorry RosieRoo but I believe the Ides of March, or any month for that matter, are the 15th not the 12th....

    jen ewan
    xx

  30. At 02:29 PM on 14 Mar 2008, Lewis Hartnell wrote:

    Love the show. I like the way the program informs the listner,this makes the program great,I like all the reports and stuff ,even the tales and storys.Keep it up Chris

  31. At 01:45 PM on 20 Mar 2008, Gordon Bruce wrote:

    How ridiculous. Why should we tolerate this situation.Theses posts never seem to have any effect
    Yours incensed

This post is closed to new comments.

Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ iD

Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ navigation

Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ Β© 2014 The Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.

This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.