Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

NOT, as you may think, Body Odour. I can't speak for anyone else but I can say for certain that I (mostly) smell fresh as a daisy. No, the condition I'm referring to here is something which is common to every web-user, the phenomenon of being Brave Online (I've called it this mainly because it has the same initials as B.O. and is every bit as noxious).

Brave Online is when you're more than happy to do or say things on the internet that you would never EVER do or say in real life. These could be confident things, flirty things, emotional things, but most commonly, it's angry things or dismissive things.

Let me give you an example. If you posted a video of yourself doing something which you and your friends think is quite funny, but you freely admit is something which other people just won't get, and you allow anyone to comment on that video, anyone at all...what kind of comments do you imagine you'd get? Supportive ones, shared between the people the video is for? Maybe the occasional one saying "I don't get it?" and then a series of smileys?

Or would it be something like this, from a total stranger?

"U SUK!!! This is stupid and u r all stupid. I hate u, you g****. Your r sucks m in K!!!"

or even...

"Oh very clever. You're all so very mature and funny aren't you? I mean couldn't you find anything more meaningful to do with your time? Like sucking the frost off a Ford Focus? Everything you say and do ever is just pathetic, and I wish you were all dead. Like NOW!"

Which is weird. I mean why would anyone bother to pour all that vitriol and nastiness down on someone they have never met? Someone who is just doing their own thing, getting on the best way they can, and trying to have some fun along the way.

Well, the first and most obvious answer is that it's FUN! And blog-kind would not exist without the ability to offer your opinion - unasked for - on any conceivable topic from female urinals to bearded choirboys and back again. And so what if I call you a bumhole? What are you going to do about it? You've no idea who I am or where I live.

You've also got no idea about what my sense of humour is, how I talk, whether I said any of those things above in a gently mocking way or in an apoplectic rage, or if I was winking throughout. Take away non-verbal communication, and you've just got text (some of it appallingly spelled) to go on.

But that lack of physical presence has other side effects too, including one which is starting to be addressed by eminent sociologists, which of course means it needs to be addressed by exciting music-based blogs too.

Basically, whenever we put finger to keypad/mouse, and set up MyFaceBo pages or write blogs or whatever it is we do to get ourselves up on the web, we're inventing a new personality for ourselves, just for online use. In this new, unreal world, we hide the bits of ourselves we don't like, and emphasise the bits we do.

This can take the form of putting up the pictures of yourself which you believe are the most attractive, and erasing any which make you look like a minger, or listing your favourite music and leaving off anything embarassing like Steps or Chico.

And we all do it. I, for instance, want everyone to know that I know astonishing amounts about popular music and that I'm also very funny, but I'm not about to suddenly reveal that I'm also registered disabled, for example, in case someone decided to use that against me. I'd like to think they wouldn't, but is it worth the risk?

And there are a lot of people out there who like to emphasise the side of their character which is fearless, and confrontational, sometimes because these are qualities which do not come across well in their day-to-day existence, although that's not always true. Some people are just rude!

You see it a lot in list TV shows too, y'know, like The Most Annoying YouTube Clips or somesuch. The amount of times a third-rate stand-up comedian or down-at-heel TV presenter, or Alex Bloody Zane (see? I'm doing it RIGHT NOW!) will attempt to sum up something which they know nothing about with a kind of rubbish shrug to camera and a squealed "Oh my God! I mean WHAT was THAT all about!?", in a smug fashion beggars belief.

Hell, the expression "beggars belief" is only ever used in this context. I mean, God! What was I thinking!?

(PART 2 IS HERE. CAN YOU BEAR THE EXCITEMENT?)