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William Grundy - Who Had Ideas Above His Station And Incurred A Mother's Wrath
by Eliaine Mc

(with apologies to Hillaire Belloc)

When William Grundy, known as Will ( His family never called him Bill )
Was just eighteen, he fell in love. Her father thinking her above
The Grundys - on the social scale - declared the union "bound to fail"
And said he'd do his very best to split the star crossed couple, lest
In time the happy girl and boy decided to try wedded joy.
And Emma's mother, justly mad that she should date a Grundy Lad
Spoke sternly to her wayward child - who, to her chagrin, merely smiledÂ….
Â….and having nabbed one Grundy brother, came a cropper with the other,
Committing that most cardinal sin of climbing in a car with him.
A crash !! (a deerÂ…a treeÂ…they said) and Emma's life hung by a thread

But miracles occur and when our Em was on her feet again,
She found herself back in a bed - with William's little brother Ed
Who'd pulled her from the burning car (her gratitude went far too far !)
And now young Em had to decide which one she wanted by her side.
Her heart was Ed's, she picked the other and on her birthday, Ed's big brother
Doing the whole romantic thing, seduced the girl, produced the ring
And offering to share his life, asked Emma if she'd be his wife.

Her mother, when her daughter told how William had been so bold
Could not believe young Emma's plan to join the dreadful Grundy clan
And she, forgetting for a min. that she was born a Horrobin
(and having Horrobin DNA - had herself been " put away ")
Declared all Grundy men the same: "a waste of space". The awful shame
Of Em's impending nuptials traced a look of fear on Susan's face
Now Archers listeners, you should know - for I have often told you so -
It's not worth ever trying to start an argument with Susan Carter
So watch this space - or listen in - to see what Susan Horrobin
(As was) will dream up to prevent a Carter / Grundy big event !!

More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon