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Shula Hebden's Diary

by Joanna Townmouse

20th March 2002 Fags 0 , Wine 0 , Friends' boyfriends slept with 0 (vg) casseroles eaten 4 (round at Mum's) 10 stone 6 (good) Went round to Janna's. She is v distraught as Tiny Tim's vile bitch queen g'friend has left him and she feels she must move to Norfolk. Told her not to be so ridiculous and what is the point of being vicar if you cannot carry on mad passionate affair under guise of being village prig (not that I would ever stoop so low). Daniel came home from school tarred and feathered but Alistair said all boys play cowboys and indians at his age.

21st March 2002 Fags 0 , Booze 0 , friends' boyfriends slept with 0 (two nights in a row v.v.v.v.g) Casseroles eaten 12 (bad) then threw up in new Ambridge memorial lavatories (good) 11 stone 4 (bad). Day at stables. No customers as per usual.

22nd March 2002 Fags 45 , Wine 2 bottles Chardonnay (at stables) , friends' boyfriends slept with 0 (not for want of trying) , Casseroles eaten 12 (undefrosted straight from freezer where Mum had left them neatly labelled when I got in ) 13 stone (not bad for a woman my age. ) Out on the lash with Janna. Vodka and Cranberry at Incorrigibles on the Borsetshire bypass, Chardonnay-fuelled bitching session in Sweetmeats in Felperhsam and then a bottle of Baileys at mine. Ended up dancing to Walking on Sunshine in the stables using Dross's PA system. Well wicked.

Brenda Tucker's Diary, in the same style

More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon



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