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Brenda Tucker's Diary
by Little Dot
 7 August 2001
9 stone 3 (good), cigarettes 4 (v good, but 16 after midnight,
so counted on tomorrow's total), alcohol - lots - lost count (v
bad)
Pants day at work. Wayne suggested
that if I spent less time worrying about my failed lovelife and more on
my career I'd be a lot better off. Reminded him that he was only jealous
as his last relationship was before Abba broke up and he's the breakfast
show presenter on Radio Borsetshire, not Chris Evans, whereas I have the
talent to be a highly successful radio journalist before the age of thirty.
Wayne suggested I work on my attitude towards my superiors.
Spent ages on the phone to Jo while I was supposed to be 'manning the
phones' for Wayne's Tuesday Debate. No calls anyway, so why was Wayne
so cross?
Went over to Jo's for a GNI (girl's night in). Informed me that she's
moving in with Craig. Bombshell or what? Last week she never wanted to
see him again, now she's joining all the other smug co-habitees. Next
she'll be going home early on Friday night so she can be at IKEA to beat
the Saturday morning rush. I am the last single twenty-something in Borsetshire.
 8 August 2001
Uuuuurgh! Phoned in sick. Never drinking again.
 10 August 2001
9 stone 2 (v good), calories
-100 (still can't eat after Tuesday night, and had to run for bus)
Spent this morning recording item
for Wayne's programme tomorrow on Loxley Barrett junior school's history
project. Three hours surrounded by precocious children was made far more
bearable by Mr Darcy the year five teacher. He is so yummy. Managed a whole
seven minutes of interview with him without giggling once (v good). Absolutely
and totally made my day when he asked for my phone number. Tried to act
coy and said "Mr Darcy, I don't just give my number to anyone" until he
explained that he actually wanted the number of the radio station to talk
to Wayne about the story. Tried to pretend that I was joking, but think
he knew. Shame.
Friday night in The Bull. Roy and Hayley were in, so sat with them and
Phebes in the garden. Hayley said she'd organise a GNO (girl's night out)
ASAP, but I bet it won't happen for ages. Smug co-habitees always say
let's go out, and never get round to it. If... no, When I meet Mr. Right
I will not forget my single friends !
 18 August 2001
GNI with Jo, Cath and Claire,
and big bottle of Stoli.
Watched the bit from Pride and Prejudice where Colin Firth comes out
of the lake, and joined in with others in lamenting that no man will ever
be as wonderful as Mr. Darcy. Have not told the girls that I have met
my own Mr. Darcy, or that he has left message at the radio station to
ask me to phone him - at home - and left his number. Have dialed it once,
and hung up. Did discover that his first name is Kelvin, but must not
blame his parents for their obvious lack of judgment, after all I am a
twenty-year-old named Brenda.
Ran out of mixers for vodka at about 10:30 so started doing vodka shots.
Cath asked me if I was over Scott. I said 'Scott who?' then burst into
tears. V stupid as am totally over him really and it was just too much
vodka and being a bit lonely. Girls were v nice and we shared big tub
of cookie dough ice cream.
Can't remember much after 11:00pm v worried about what I might have said.
V glad there is no permanent record. vague memories of talking about Scott,
and saying that he is the only man I've ever loved, and may have mentioned
Mr. Darcy. Hope not.
Shula Hebden's Diary, in the same
style
More parodies - from Agatha Christie
to Damon Runyon
.
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