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The House at (Horse) Poo Corner
by Deb Z
 A A Milne must be turning in his grave, but we were chuckling at this parody on the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Chapter 1
In which we are introduced to Ally (Oh Poo!), some real B's and the stories go on and on, and on ...
Here is Alistair Lloyd coming down the stairs now. Thump, thump, thump goes his head as he follows Shulala Hebdin. A bottle of whisky is the only thing he knows will get him out of bed. Sometimes he feels sure there is another way, if only he could remember. And then he feels that perhaps there isn't. Anyway, here he is in the hallway and ready to be introduced to you. Ally (Oh Poo!)
When I first heard his name, I said, just as you are going to say,
"But I thought he was a vet?"
"So did I," said Shulala Hebdin (and many others), "but why is he called Oh Poo!?"
"Well," I said, "it's really a euphemism - but we don't want to be censored do we?"
Shulala Hebdin shook her head.
Sometimes Ally (Oh Poo!) likes to do some painting and sometimes he likes to sit quietly in front of his computer and have a few drinks.
"What about a story?" said Shulala Hebdin, "Could you tell Ally (Oh Poo!) a story?"
"I suppose I could," I said, "what kind of stories does he like?"
"About himself. Because he's that kind of a vet."
"Oh I see."
"So could you?"
"I'll try," I said.
So I tried.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last week, Ally (Oh Poo!) lived in a village with his wife and their adopted son under the name of Stables and Veterinary Practice. One day when he was out on his rounds, he came to a large barn in the middle of a farmyard. Ally (Oh Poo!) sat down outside the barn, put his head between his hands and began to think. First of all he said to himself,
"That lowing noise means something. You don't get a lowing noise like that, just lowing and lowing without it meaning something. If there's a lowing noise somebody's making that lowing noise, and the only reason for making a lowing noise that I know of is because you're a cow being visited by a vet."
And then he thought another long time and said,
"And the only reason for calling in another vet is because they think I'm incompetent."
And then he got up and he moaned and moaned, and as he moaned he sang a little complaining song. It went like this,
It's a very funny thought that, I am a vet
And I pretty good one I bet,
And that being so, a vet am I
They shouldn't ask another one to try.
It wasn't a very good song as songs go, but you must remember he is a vet, not a lyricist.
He didn't feel much better after his complaining song, so he thought he would go back home and tell Shulala Hebdin all about it.
"Good morning, Shulala Hebdin," he said, "Your brother and sister have sacked me!"
"Good morning Ally (Oh Poo!)" said Shulala Hebdin. "That's not fair!"
("I said that?" said Shulala Hebdin.
"You did," I agreed, "and then you went around to all the members of your family and told them exactly what you thought of David and Ruth and Sam and all."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. And then Kenton, that wise old owl, told you to go and have it out with them and stop whining in his ear."
"And did I? Was I that brave?"
"You certainly were," I said.
"And then what happened? Did I shoot them and hide their bodies in the slurry pit?"
"Well, no," I said cautiously, "what happened next is another story."
"And is Ally (Oh Poo!) in if? Am I in it?"
"Oh yes. I expect you will be." I sighed wearily. "I can tell you how Ally (Oh Poo!) made a trap for Daffalumps and Ruthels; how he invented a game call Ally Sticks (and lost a lot of money thereby) and how he and Piplet celebrated the birthday of Jack and Peggy and Elizabeth and Nigel and Lillian and Adam and Caroline and Tom and Pat and Tony and ..."
"Zzzz" snored Shulala Hebdin.)
And I expect you did too.
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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