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Helen Archer's Diary
by by Vicky S
 Vicky S appears to have stolen a glance at Helen's diary and shared it with readers of the Fantasy Archers topic of
English Shire Cheese Makers Diary 2007
Monday 1st January 2007
Cheese of the day: Red Leicester
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 13
calories 899
Woke up with awful head this morning, luckily my own, not another on the pillow beside me (JOKE!). Checked phone. Still no messages from Ross. texted him HNY. Wasn't sure if what happened yesterday had really happened or was just a bad dream. Went downstairs. Mum haranguing Tom, then she gave me her treacly favourite child smile and tried to get me to eat a huge piece of toast smothered with greasy butter and bright yellow scrambled eggs! retch. Tom did that thing with his eyebrows when her back was turned. Not a dream then. I couldn't speak. I kept thinking, how much damage had I done, suppose there was something hidden that didn't show up initially, suppose something really vital had been completely knackered. Couldn't bear it any longer, rushed out to the yard in my pj's to check. Phew, what a relief, not a mark on the bumper, except for the scratch I did last week coming out of the Nag's Head. There really is a god!!!!
Went back to bed. Sarah picked me up about 8, we went round to her flat first and made up cocktails. She is soooo funny, she did one with brandy, lager and tomato juice and called it Road Kill. Ugh, it was practically undrinkable. What a laugh.
Tuesday 2nd January
Cheese of the Day: Stilton
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 2
calories 1019 (two chocolate coins!!!)
I can't believe it. She actually brought food up to my ROOM today. Some crap about, 'I heard you moving about and thought you'd like this leek and carrot top soup while it's still hot.' Yeah. Right. Tom still playing Mr Martyr and getting it in the neck from both of them for his pains. He wittered on to me about 'helping him out' by moving pig arks all afternoon. Dream on sausage boy. Told him I had to do 'shop stuff' on the computer. If you put Ross's name into google you can get all his Echo stuff. Stayed in, MSN'd all night.
Wednesday 3rd January
Cheese of the Day: Double Gloucester
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 15 + but I was sick twice so probably only about 8
calories 980
Back to work thank heavens. Peace for about an hour then Miss Perky Pants started off on one, blathering on about her perfect happy family Xmas and then asking REALLY pushy probing questions like 'What did you do at New Year?' and 'Go to any good parties?'. Honestly. She acts as though she was thirty or my mother or something. Get a life Kirsty! I told her to scrub down the shelves in the stock room while I did the front window. Happy 2007, in cucumbers and passion fruit. After work met up with the gang. Great night. I think. Ended up round at S's anyhow. That lush guy from NY's eve was in the pub, luckily he didn't remember me. Hands off though I think S fancies him.
Thursday 4th January
Cheese of the Day : Wigmore
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 4
calories 890
Tom is seething. Someone wrote something on his van (he won't tell me what) anyway Mike the Milk heard about it and has spread it all around the village. Tom said he is like Typhoid Mary, everywhere he goes people stop talking and stare. I said it's his own fault, what does he expect, he should keep the van cleaner.
Friday 5th January
Cheese of the Day: Lancashire
cigarettes 0
alcohol units XXX do I care! No. Read on!
calories 1009
I cannot believe it. After all he said and all the promises he made to me Tom has told Brenda what happened, and Brenda of course has had a right go at me about it. Then she started bringing her mum's death into it, it's only been a year, they're still grieving, Mike's all she has left and so on , so I felt ABSOLUTELY awful and upset because of course it brought memories of Greg flooding back. Honestly, you'd think she is the only person in the world who has lost someone.
I feel so betrayed by Tom. My own brother, how could he do it knowing what she would do and how it would make me feel.
Am going to go out tonight and enjoy myself for a change.
(page torn out)
Sunday 7th January
Cheese of the Day: Wensleydale
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 6
calories 788
Well now they know. It's their own fault. All day long from the moment I got up at lunchtime she was going on and on and on about going to this Geriatrics Tea Party at Aunty Lilian's. There was NO WAY I was going to go, so in the end to shut her up I told her. And it worked. Not a squeak about the bloody tea party for the rest of the day. Yippee!
Monday 8th January
Cheese of the Day: Finn
cigarettes 0
alcohol units 0 honest!!! Well the night is still young.
calories 890
Had to turn the cheese batch this am. I can't tell you how it makes me heave, just the smell of it is enough, let alone the thought of having to taste it. The Wonder Worker was there potting yogurts or something, as usual going on about Emma, Georgie, Ed, Georgie, Will, Georgie etc etc ad nauseum (nearly was too, oops) THEN she starts in about Mike the Milk, blah blah blah. Honestly, anyone would think she was married to the man the way she goes on. Gross.
Seems I am still the favourite daughter, HE's all shoulder patty, and SHE's all red eyed but putting on a brave face. Stupid Tom looked stuff up on the internet. Baaad. I have the feeling he's beginning to wish he hadn't been such a little Sir Galahad after all but as Dad says, we can't change the story now, it wouldn't look good. To be honest I think Dad's more worried that when Gran finds out she will start in on one of her 'Bad Blood' and 'Family Tendencies' rants.
S. texted me, said she saw Ross this pm walking past the leisure centre, so we are meeting up later and are going to make plans! What a mate she is. She thinks there is a good chance me and Ross will get back together now all the stress of Christmas is over. Maybe 2007 will be my year after all.
Former Bridget Jones parodies
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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