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When Dylan met Blaize
by Vicky S
 Lynda's account of her interview - in the persona of Dylan Nells - with Borsetshire's style icon, from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
I was a first time visitor to the Palladian home of the Montpeliers but as I stepped into the three story atrium entrance hall of the antebellum style mansion, set amongst mature conifers in a prime position on the exciting Crawford Estates development to the West of Felpersham, I had an overwhelming sense of deja vu.
Blaize Montpelier, casually dressed in a deceptively simple Versace shift accessorised with Tiffany jewels and set off by brightly jewelled Gina sandals smiled as I mentioned this. "So many people have told me that," she said modestly, "I like to think it's because I have worked hard to make this a home, not just a house, so that people really feel comfortable here. I know that after we were featured on Beyond the Security Gate, the Montpelier Inc cable tv programme about Celebrity Â鶹ԼÅÄs, many subscribers texted in and said how they had enjoyed sharing our lovely home, even if it was just for fifteen minutes."
And although she did not mention it, I know that Blaize's generosity in allowing her home to be used as the backdrop for scenes from the highly successful TV series Footballers Lives has allowed many more of us to absorb glimpses of the elements that encompass her flair for stylish interior design.
Over perfectly served coffee in the impressive drawing room, where a stunning white marble fireplace forms a spectacular focal point, Blaize explained her style philosophy. "I do like to have things that are unique and that no one else has," she explained, "For example, after my husband's Russian business partner Dmitri was able to help us with translating the paperwork for this fireplace, which originally came from one of the Tzar's historical palaces in Moscow, we were lucky enough to acquire a few more pieces, like this Imperial coffee service. And I know that there isn't another one like it anywhere in Felpersham, or even the whole of Borsetshire. But I don't want you to think I just have old things. I like new cutting-edge design too, like these sofas, which were made with my own design input by an up-and-coming company called Zeitgeist, based in Sicily in Italy, where my husband has some business interests."
Certainly, the striking pink leather of the enormous sofas make a bold statement, and accented as they are with huge vases of exotic flowers ("One of my little weaknesses," Blaize admits, "Luckily we have an entertainment allowance from the Club that covers the bill.") make one feel transported from grey old Borsetshire to a more tropical climate.
Blaize herself admits to feeling "transported". Barely four years ago she was working as an in-store cosmetics and accessories demonstrator by day, while running her own business as a personal therapist by night. A last minute introduction by a business associate led to a dinner date in his hotel with her soon-to-be husband, who at the time was brokering the international deal, now fortunately legally resolved, which led to his chairmanship of Felpersham City Football Club. And the rest, says Blaize firmly, is now history.
As she showed me around the rest of her eight bed eight bath home, Blaize was keen to expand on her plans for the future.
"I know most people see football as a man's game," she said seriously, as she ran her immaculately-manicured fingers through her beautifully styled hair, "And I know that so called fans think that "WAGs" should steer clear. But I believe that a wife should show an interest in their husband's business. Anyway, Natasha (the girlfriend of the Montpeliers' business partner Dmitri) and I think football is far more than just scoring goals, sponsorship, transfer deals and TV rights. We think it should be about style and having fun, and having your own image. We've already commissioned designs for a new Executive Suite and Entertainment Facility at the Club, and have also started negotiations to build a world class spa, fitness centre and Michelin-starred restaurant in place of that run down old Felpersham Supporters Club hut that frankly isn't doing the image of the club any good at all."
We had by now reached the state-of-the-art-kitchen, where the gleaming appliances are under the reliable care of Rumanian housekeeper Maria, and her trusty staff. Blaize was already running late for an appointment with her personal trainer, Giorgio, the FCFC physio and former model, so, with regret, we said our "a bientots".
As I drove away I reflected that FCFC is fortunate that, for the moment at least, a bright star called Blaize Montpelier is orbiting our Borsetshire constellation.
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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