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You Can Get A Man ...
By Mr Snowy
 Although it's never been established on air, there's a firm opinion on that Brenda, like Jolene, is in possession of what the cheaper newspapers coyly refer to as "assets". That, plus the bread rolls in which Brenda lovingly encases Gourmet Grills burgers, inspired this politically incorrect parody of the song "" from the musical Annie Get Your Gun.
They said I was simple with brains the size of pimples
I would never appeal to the chaps
I might not be the brightest but my sweaters are the tightest
Oh you can get a man with your baps
They called me a loony - I might just scrape through Uni
With a third-class diploma perhaps
But I'm first-rate at dating through hyper-chest-inflating
Oh you can get a man with your baps
With your baps, with your baps
Oh you can get a man with your baps
I've no conversation to lead men to temptation
But it's not such a fatal lapse
Coz the guys sure get lusty when they're with a gal that's busty
And you've no need of brains to retain lots of swains
Oh you can get a man with your baps
I don't get guys purring with skill at raconteuring
I've found that it pays to adapt
Now I've no need to barter for a bit of chipolata
Oh you can get a man with your baps
I'm no snappy dresser like poor Mama (God bless her)
But the men like my frontage, poor saps
It is firm and up-lifting and there's not a hint of drifting
Oh you can get a man with your baps
With your baps, with your baps
Oh you can get a man with your baps
This plan's well worth trying; the knot I'll soon be tying
It's an Archer who's safe in my traps
And, if Tom should start moaning, I'll pack more silicone in
Set your spleens for more scenes just like Sid and Jolene's
Oh you can get a man with your baps.
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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