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Brian the Big Blue Engine
by Vicarshusband
 No prizes for recognising the style of the Rev W Awdry in this contribution to the Fantasy Archers topic of.
There was trouble in the Shed at the junction with the Branch Line.
David, the usually dependable and Really Useful tank engine, was in a sulk. He refused to speak to Ruth the Railcar at all, and huffed off every night to shunt trucks instead, and to talk to his friend Bert the Tractor.
"Oh no" sighed Ruth to herself "whatever shall I do?"
Just then, Brian, the Big Blue Engine, steamed by on his way back to the Big Station. He was Very Cross Indeed because Adam, who should have been fetching his coaches for him, had gone off instead for a tour of the Other Railway with Ian the Irish Engine.
"It's all too-much. It's all too-much." Brian rattled to himself as he puffed by, banging the coaches irritably.
Brian's coaches, Jennifer (at the back), Caroline, and Siobhan, squeaked and grumbled to Brian. "Be careful there. Be careful there" they said and "it's all a mistake. It'll come to go good" as they slowed down and came to a halt at the platform.
Jennifer caught sight of Ruth, sulking in the sidings.
"Cooooeeee" she called, shrill-ly. Unfortunately, Brian thought that the shriek was the Guard's whistle, and he started up, impatient to get home. Brian's driver and fireman had got out of the cab to exchange a word with the Signalman, so there was nobody to apply his brake.
It did not take Brian long to realise that there was nobody in the cab. At first he was alarmed, but then began to get excited at the thought that there was nobody to slow him down. "Come along! Come along!" he called to the coaches, who were twittering worse than ever now.
"He's going too fast! He's going too fast" called Siobhan.
"He always does! He always does!" added Caroline.
"He'd MUCH better stop. He'd much better STOP!" said Jennifer, grimly. She was at the back of the train because she had the Guard's compartment and although the Guard had been knocked off his feet when Brian started to move he was still on the train and applying Jennifer's brake hard. Despite Brian's best efforts, the train was now slowing. All would have been well, but Siobhan's couplings were rather rusty and as they bumped their way over the points outside the Big Station, she and Brian broke away from the other coaches. Freed of the pull of Jennifer's brakes, Brian and Siobhan hurtled away over the bridge to the Other Railway, and disappeared into the distance.
"Well, well" an oily voice cut in "what a shame. Looks like there's no one to pull you along, Jennifer. Luckily, the Fat Controller has told me that I can run things here for a but - until Brian comes back, you understand".
It was Matt the Diesel, who had been lurking behind the Shed and had seen everything.
When Brian finally ran out of steam, Matt went to fetch him back from the Other Railway. Brian was shunted to the back of the Shed, where nothing was heard from him for a very long time.
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
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