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Day after day, head in a cloud,
The man with sub-sized spuds is talking perfectly loud -
But nobody seems to hear him -
Or the sound he appears to make ...


Yesterday
All my carrots seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay ...


Hey,Tone
Don't make us sad
Take your Pat's plan
And make it better
Remember to set her
On the right track
Don't make snide cracks
Just make it better

And any time you feel the pain
Hey, Tone, explain
Just tell us about your aching shoulder
For well you know
That it's not cool
To act the fool
Why couldn't you be
A little bolder...


When I find myself in times of trouble
Nothing cheerful comes to me
I see naught but problems
Let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
There's darker hour in front of me
Lost without a candle
Let it be...



It's been a hard day's life
And I've been working on the land
It's been a hard day's life
What do I need with a new brand?
But when I get home to Pat
She seems to talk through her hat
She makes me feel uptight.

She knows I work all day
To harvest carrots and pick the beans
And it's murder when I hear her say
She has this plan to sell our own greens
She asked me why do I moan
She says "Be positive, Tone"
Why don't I feel her way?


Oh dear, what can I do?
My baby's called Pat, and I'm feeling blue
Tell me, Oh, what can I do?

Oh how long will it take
'til she sees the mistake she has made?
Dear what can I do?
My baby's called Pat and I'm feeling blue
Tell me, Oh, what can I do?


I think I'm gonna be dull,
I think it's today, yeah.
The wife that's peeling my spuds
Is going away.
She's got some carrots to sell,
She's got some carrots to se - e - ll,
She's got some carrots to sell
But she don't care.

She said that living with me
Is bringing her down yeah.
For life would never be fun
When I was around.
She's got some carrots to sell,
But she don't care.


I once had a wife, or should I say, she once had me.
She showed me her plan, aren't they just fine, carrots of mine?
She pinned up the drawing and said they would sell anywhere,
So I took a look and then told her she wasn't all there.

I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We rowed until two and then she said, I'm off to bed.
She told me I'd soon change my tune and she started to laugh.
I told her I wouldn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.

And when she awoke she was alone, this Tone had flown.
And I'd lit a fire, they burnt just fine, carrots of mine.


Oh dear what shall I do
My carrots are lumpy and I'm feeling blue
Oh boo-hoo-hoo-hoo

She says I'm dim
And I'm glum as a spud in a sack
Oooh my poor aching back
Alas and alack

Oh dear what shall I do
I'm not too keen to try something new
It won't do - woo-oo-oo-oo

She's got a plan
Though I tell her she's on the wrong tack
And it's something that she just can't hack
She just throws my words back

When will she see her mistake
How much more can I take
Oh wo-wo

Oh dear what shall I do....


Lady Patricia, carrots on the floor
Wonder how you're gonna move them through the door
Who finds the money when you print the sacks?
Is it really Peggy's handout, or old Jacks?

Tesburys saw carrot leaves a-sprouting
Sainsrose said their samples didn't come
Tesda said the packets weren't worth touting
See how they run

Lady Patricia carrots in the store
Wonder if you'll ever sell them any more
Da da da-da ...
See how they run

Lady Patricia, pulling out your hair
Do you think that supermarkets really care?

Fortnum's say the Palace isn't buying
Quick Sale say the punters won't buy one
Marx & Parx have given up on trying
See how they run

Lady Patricia, carrots on the floor
Wonder how you're gonna move them through the door


Day after day, his head in the sand
The man with the surplus veg just keeps on working the land
But nobody wants his carrots
They just say that they are too bent
And he never finds new markets
So the fool with the veg
Sees his profits go down
Whilst his wife in their bed
Feels her head spinning round

And so he stays, with head in the sand
The man with ten thousand carrots keeps on thwarting Pat's plans
He never seems to hear her
Or the changes she wants to make
He gives her a gloomy answer
So the fool with the veg
Sees his profit line sag
Whilst his wife in her head
Keeps designing her bags

Nobody wants his carrots
In a casserole or a stew
And he never shows his peelings
But the fool with with the veg...


Our thanks to our clever lyricists: Bear in The Bull, Gnome de Plume, lantana2, Mr Snowy, Orla Quiver, Soozi Quattro and Sovietsong.



More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon



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