 |  |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
Parodies |
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
Ambridge Nativity Play
By RosieT
 Lynda hands the baton to Joyce Grenfell, in this unseasonal contribution to the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Now then, children! Calm down, the rehearsal should have started by now. Well done, Angel Gabriel Helen! Exactly in the right place. Well done again.
Where are my Mary and Joseph?
Good, that's right, Annette, take Jazzer by the hand and come and sit down next to the - I said sit down, Annette, not lie down. And stop trying to drag Jazzer into the manger with you, please. He'll come if you leave him alone. Mary and Joseph were just good friends.
Vicky. Don't do that.
Helen! Helen! Stop trying to drag Jazzer off the stage, please! We do not hit our friends, do we? Angels behave in a more restrained manner. They do not take off their strappy shoes and try and poke Joseph's eyes out.
Oh, the rest of the Angels go over to the corner next to Benjamin the donkey.
No, Molly, he won't do a wee. Because I know so. Because he won't. No, he won't. Oh. He has. Would you be an Angel, Helen? Mop it up, would you? Thank you. I can count on you to -
Please, put that away Vicky. Not what we want to see.
No, Jazzer, we don't.
Wise People! Wise People? Just WHAT is going on?
No, Wise Jim, the baby Jesus won't want a copy of "The God Delusion." Well, because he can't read, can he? And please stop hitting Wise Shula over the head with it; she's trying to control Wise Alistair's camel.
Very funny, Alistair. But I don't think baby Jesus would like some Camel Manure to put on his roses, either. You've got a Mothercare token, from you both Shula? Very "Wise," if I may say so!
What's that? Yes, Daniel, that's a lovely idea! Brian said there are no lambs, so the baby Jesus would be thrilled with one of Neil's piglets.
But maybe we could give him a wash? We don't really want to advertise Tom Archer Sausages at the Nativity play, do we?
No, we don't Tom.
Ah. Indelible ink, is it Brenda? No, no, no - I don't want you to demonstrate by writing with it on Vicky's chest, thank you.
No, Jazzer, or to get you to demonstrate.
That's very generous of you, Vicky, to offer to bring one of your china knick-knacks, but -
Lladro, are they? But it would be a pity if someone broke it, wouldn't it?
No, you can't take it yourself, as a "Gift from Felpersham to celebrate a happy year at Willow Cottage," it's not in the Bible.
Brenda! Don't do that, please.
Vicky! I asked you NOT to do that! Thank you. Please leave Mike to get on with his shepherding.
No, you cannot say the line, "Vicky Baa-lamb loves oo, Mr. Bubbles."
Because all the other sheep would have to have lines as well, and we don't have time.
No, you can't ask the Village Hall committee to make an exception in your case. Or ask Mr. Bubbles. I mean Mike, to ask for you.
Because.
Mike, the Biggest Shepherd is a responsible job. He has to look after ALL the sheep. Not just the newest one.
Some shepherds are played by boys, Sabrina, and some are played by girls. No, they don't have pink shepherd's crooks and carry pink sheep. Yes, they do have to have beards.
Because.
What Jazzer? Brenda told you Vicky has some jellies, and you want to see them? You know there is a "no sweeties" rule, so if you smuggled them in, Vicky …
Vicky! Vicky! Don't do that. Because sheep don't have glittery bosoms. Now what's this about your jellies?
Ah. Stop crying, Brenda was just being friendly.
I expect.
Now, Phil, the Oldest Shepherd (yes, you can call him The Astronomer-Shepherd, if you wish) is going to put up his hand and point. What will he say, does any one remember?
No, Sid, he won't be saying "Where's the Gents?"
And, no, Harriet, neither will Mr. Pullen.
Fallon! Fallon! Are you ready with your Surprise Carol for us to join in with?
Too shy? Lost your voice? Oh, dear. Maybe someone else could front it for you? I'm sure Nic would be delighted.
Children! Please stop drinking all the refreshments! They are meant for the interval!
Where have Mary and Joseph disappeared to? And my Angel Gabriel? Come back, everyone!
Oh, well, I suppose we have made a start with the rehearsal…
Same time tomorrow, everyone? 7.02.
Thank you!
More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon
<<Back
|
|
 | |  |
|
|
|
 |
|
