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In these last few days before Christmas, I’m remembering the one where I turned a corner. Christmas in our family had started out very simple. My grandma in Cornwall, a faithful follower of Jesus, would send up a box of very small gifts – things she’d picked up at the local charity shops in Launceston, pouches of chocolate money, and sometimes, as we got older, real £2 coins.

My parents tried to keep the festival as far from material excess as possible.  Although we are Hindus it was obligatory that we go to church on Christmas Eve, and we loved that anyway. And some kind of prayer had to be said before ravaging the annually growing pile of wrapped parcels at 4am.

But it’s hard to stave off desire and it wasn’t long before Christmas started to be an all-out festival of wants and wishes. Yes, they were tame – we were of humble means so we knew we couldn’t ask for a games console or the like. But nevertheless, I’d make lists with dedication, thumbing through fat department store catalogues and circling things with a highlighter. I’d do the same with the Radio Times – underlining films and cartoons and specials, fully intending to watch TV the entire day.

One Christmas, around age 9 or 10, my greed peaked, when I burst into tears after tallying up the presents to find that not only had I received less than last year, but *shock horror* less than my sister too!! In the torrent of anger and frustration I remember having an almost out of body experience. I saw myself miserably crying, completely ungrateful and totally self absorbed. It was a bit of a Scrooge moment. 

Christmas was never the same again. I didn’t lose the taste for a good festive watch-a-thon, or getting new socks! But I started to appreciate the simple things once more. The clementines and popcorn my Mum still puts in stockings to this day, the songs and carols that lift my heart, the lights in windows and doors and Nativity scenes. Most of all I love the way that people greet and say goodbye with more care than usual. I think of my grandma’s £2 coins and smile at that little melting of heart that comes with giving, gratitude and grace.