麻豆约拍

Exactly one year ago today my daughter was discharged from hospital. She had been in hospital for over seven and a half months, so the day really was quite an occasion.

When you leave hospital, you get given a list of protocols to help keep her well, and a list of things to look out for. You are told to be vigilant, but to relax. I personally struggle with finding a balance with those two things, it is like being told there is a threat on the horizon but put your feet up and have a cup of tea.

As a parent, I am good at the being vigilant bit. I do my homework, read the medical text books, and I am prepared. It is the relaxing bit I struggle with.

When you have been through trauma it is hard to let go. The body remembers what the mind tries so hard to forget. It comes out in your dreams, it comes out in the moments of panic when you notice something not quite right. There is an overriding fear that she鈥檒l relapse; that we鈥檒l spiral back to the worst days. But this level of anxiety is unsustainable. You have to find a way to manage it, to restore balance.

There is a Muslim saying, 鈥淗ave faith in God, but tie up your camel.鈥� It鈥檚 meant to make people take responsibility for their actions, and not just leave it all at God鈥檚 door. For me, I think I have to reverse the saying. Tie up your camel 鈥� do what you have to do, be responsible, read your books, learn your protocols; but at the end of the day, trust in God.

In the year since my daughter鈥檚 discharge from hospital there have been many many sleepless nights. I have experienced huge levels of anxiety. My dreams have been invaded by many flashbacks of the worst days. But I have also learned a great deal. I can take every precaution, put every protocol in place, do everything I am supposed to do, but I must also accept that I cannot always control the outcome. In the end, I have had to learn, as the Christian entrepreneur聽Mary Crowley recommended, 鈥淓very evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.鈥�