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Mandy's story

When Assistant Head Teacher Mandy Dennison reached breaking point at work in her 50s, heading into the menopause and experiencing burnout, she found herself quitting her job in the spur of the moment and walking out.

“Sometimes you reach points in life, I call them pinch points, when the pressure just seems to build,” says Mandy. "I was surviving on very little sleep, because of work, because of the menopause, because of lots of pressure, and you just think: 'I can't keep doing this.' I picked up my bag and walked out the door. And that was it.

“I sat in the car, and I thought: ‘Oh, my goodness, what have I just done?’ As I drove home, I was thinking: ‘Well, what am I going to do?’ And I realised there was quite a lot that I wanted to do. Maybe it was the kick up the backside that I needed to go and do it.”

Whilst Mandy doesn’t regret leaving that job and starting on a new career path, she thinks she could have quit better. She now works as a Life Coach and helps others to think through the process.

So, if we want to leave our job, how can we quit better?

1. Give yourself some distance

“When something happens at work and you feel highly charged, try and get some space from that,” says Karen, Head of Coaching at Women Returners. “Go out for a walk. Grab a colleague with you. Download and process what's just happened so that you don't react in the moment. Create that distance to think through what you might want to do.

“If you can, try to take the emotion out of the situation. Calm yourself down and try to say: ‘Right, I need some space.’ It's very normal and very natural for us to feel upset in the moment. What might feel good for you to say right now might not serve us half an hour down the line or in the longer run. So just say: “I need a break. I need to get some space, I'll come back to you.”

2. Take the time to reflect

“Voice what's going on in your head,” says Karen. “Create that space to think about: What does this mean for me? What can I do? Is there an opportunity to try and come back and talk about it when I've had some time to think about a different way of how we could resolve this together?

“Give yourself that time to talk about it. But if you still get to the same conclusion, that actually this is just not the right place for me, it's not a good values match, then leaving well is really key.”

3. Think about your options

“Think about: What are my values? What's important to me? What are my beliefs?” says Mandy. “Are you actually spending any time doing the things that matter to you? Because if you're not then something's not quite right. We talk a lot about work-life balance, but I think it's more about what's important to you and what makes you tick, and what makes your life tick.

“It's about perspective and seeing what options there are. But it's also about remembering that you are a really important person. If you're not happy, then you need to do something about that. It might take you one day, it might take you one year, it might take you five years, but every single person deserves to be happy. So, it's about finding a way to live a life that's true to you."

4. Don’t burn bridges

“The key thing is not to burn bridges,” says Karen. “Have a good, considered conversation with your line manager once you've had that time to think and reflect. And try to leave in the best way. So, give the required notice period, finish strong, leave good handover notes, take the time to thank people. You never know when you're going to come across current colleagues again, maybe in a future role, or when you're going to need a recommendation or a reference.”

“I think it is important to try and keep as many relationships as you can, because you meet the same people on the way down as you meet on the way up,” says Mandy. “A lot of people stay very quiet in the workplace, and they watch and listen and learn but they don't necessarily stand up at the time. But afterwards it's amazing how much support you can get from those colleagues.”

5. Be mindful of your financial situation

Particularly with the increasing cost of living, it may not be possible for most people to leave their job. But there are actions you can start to take if you’re not feeling fulfilled in your job.

“Reflect on why you want to leave your job,” says Karen. “Is it about the role? Perhaps there could be a different role that you could do in the organisation? Can you speak to your line manager about different things you could do that would make it better day-to-day?

“If you've explored those opportunities and it isn’t possible, then I would say, stay in your role, keep earning money, but plan your exit strategy at the same time. So, think about what it is that you do want to do or what it is that you enjoy and start to explore that.

“Start to speak to people, use your network, think about any upskilling that you need to do where you could be doing free courses on the weekends or in the evenings. Think about building that experience so that you can make more of a transition into your next role, and you won't have that employment gap.”

6. Find a support system

For some, the idea of quitting may stem from a specific issue at work, such as a toxic environment, bullying or similar issues. If there is a particular issue at work causing you distress, you can access targeted support.

"Don't try to manage this on your own,” says Karen. “Get support from somebody independent within the organisation, whether it's from HR or if you're working in an environment where there's a trade union representative or if you have professional associations. Just seek support and seek advice.

“There's lots of brilliant organisations out there that can provide support for different issues at work, whether it's Citizen's Advice, Acas, National Bullying Helpline, or if it's an issue around maternity rights, places like Pregnant then Screwed or Maternity Action can help.

“Also, recognise that this is going to take a toll on you. So, get support, personally, from friends and family or from your GP if you need it. If you feel like it's having an effect on your mental and physical health, it’s important to get support to really help you navigate that.”

7. Look forward to the future

“It’s about looking at the positives,” says Mandy. “We talk a lot these days about gratitude. There's always something good that comes out of what you're doing. So, you just have to keep looking forward and don't look backwards too much. If we spend too much time looking backwards, we get stuck. Sometimes you need to reflect and think about what you've done. But it's then about recognising: This is the place that I’m in. This is where I'm at. So, now what happens next?”

You can listen to the full discussion about quitting well with Karen Danker and Mandy Dennison on 麻豆约拍 Sounds – it's the episode from 5 January. Join the conversation on and @bbcwomanshour.