Episodes
Episode one
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The first episode of the new series, in which viewers are introduced to The Helivets – pink jump-suit clad heroes who claim they can save any pet in peril. And there's a director whose art mimics life and whose credits include The Man Who Has A Cough And It's Just A Cough And It's Fine.
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Also featured are The Carry On Hospital, in which a young doctor finds himself working in a bawdy Seventies hospital, but can't quite master innuendo, and Bigfeet and Redbeard, two stone-age workers put out by the thought of having to attend a bronze orientation day.
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The episode also includes a clip from a documentary sensitively entitled The Boy With An Arse For A Face, the ultimate football trail, and a thrilling new action movie based on the world-famous Numberwang game show.
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Episode two
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Two new recurring characters – Colin and Ray – share an office and swap tips on their different jobs. Ray writes the plots for pornographic movies. He starts with a piece of paper with "they have sex" written on it 14 times, and then fills in the gaps. Colin works as a hostage negotiator. He prefers the warm safety of the office to shivering on a rooftop. "It's very difficult to give a shit when you're cold."
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Meanwhile, an evil supervillain asks a builder to install a revolving wall, only to find out that it's load-bearing. To rub salt in the wound, it turns out that his trap-door and piranha tank also have some health and safety implications.
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The lazy TV writers return, and they have written an American courtroom drama about Speedo, a legal genius with a difficult relationship with his daughter and a limp caused by his very tight Speedos. They have not researched the legal details, as they don't want to get too bogged down in that kind of thing.
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Episode three
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The Helivets are back, and they have found a gerbil who is stiff and smelly. Can the heroes save him? And there's a team of obtuse advertising creatives trying to think of some suitable music for an RSPCA campaign about unidentified people who have let some dogs out.
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Also featured are the ultimate reality TV show in which some cryogenically-suspended corpses are re-animated, and another clip from the People Who Have Grown Into Spectacularly The Wrong Shape series. This week follows the moving story of Alan and his 19 penises.
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Meanwhile, Chris, a robotics wizard and gourmet chef, has his life torn apart when he loses the power of smell, before creating the world's first smelling robot, Cheesoid.
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Episode four
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From the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ archives comes the fore-runner of Tricia and Jeremy Kyle, a remarkable Forties edition of The Mrs Patricia Wilberforce Programme. In this sensationalist show Mrs Wilberforce introduces "a gentleman who sometimes behaves in an inappropriate manner and an unmarried lady in an unfortunate condition."
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Elsewhere, Sir Walter Raleigh names his latest discovery Virginia. His First Mate wonders if it's "a bit personal, to name a new land after the fact that our Queen's never done it", whilst Captain Cook and his First Mate debate whether Australia really does look like a sort of new South Wales.
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Meanwhile, in an informative, if slightly complacent, news broadcast, it turns out that everything is fine, broadly speaking. Apart from all the deaths.
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Episode five
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A teenage boy is dying in hospital of embarrassment. His parents stage a vigil at his bedside, but could they be part of the problem?
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Elsewhere in the medical world, some virus scientists working in a laboratory filled with lethal bacteria decide that a few practical jokes will brighten up the day.
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A TV presenter discusses avocado bath-tubs and the prevailing taste consensus, whilst a car boot sale presents a couple with a rare opportunity in the form of an antique wardrobe that also happens to be a gateway to Narnia – great if you don't have a garden.
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Episode six
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Police are on the trail of a fiendish killer. They are desperate to establish his identity before he strikes again, but all he has left at the scene of the crime is a passport-sized photo and two recent utility bills.
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Unlucky in love Liam meets his dream lady but, when he tries to woo her, it turns out he has a rival for her affections – a sexy scarecrow.
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Meanwhile, breaking news – the UN have given up the war on terror as it's just too difficult. Instead they've declared war on the easier to defeat Bill Oddie.
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And finally, it's Numberwang Night on Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ Two, and time for a look back at the history of the massively popular TV game show, from its invention, through its involvement in the cracking of the Enigma Code, to the time Numberwang's very own evil robot tried to take over the world.
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