Live! Girls! Present Dogtown
Episode synopses
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Episode One
In Horton-le-Hole, folk-loving geography teacher, Bill Taddler (Emma Kilcoyne), is interviewed for the job of his dreams: Deputy Head of Holy Saints.
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His wife, Sheila (Sam Battersea), is unimpressed if his last six attempts are anything to go by, but Bill thinks he could be in with a chance…
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Meanwhile, arsonist Eenie Thompson (Emma Kilcoyne), 73, a dwarf with a sideline in bus stop Tarot readings, has a little difficulty shifting a lorryload of Dresden Shepherdesses that want 'selling on'.
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And there's intrigue at the local library. Apart from the ever-present danger of a the most expensive book in the library going missing – the chained up Pitbull Handbook - it appears there is a serial vandal on the loose: an unseen hand is systematically vandalising the Romantic Fiction.
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It's clearly a job for the smooth talking, noir-loving library manager, Geoff Torville (James Gaddas), and his femme fatale, senior Scale Two, Sue McCardle (Geraldine McNulty).
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Fearing it could be an inside job, Sue and Geoff make a pact to trust nobody… and a grand passion is ignited.
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Elsewhere, quiet and unassuming librarian, Denise Taylor (Emma Kilcoyne) prepares for her big night in… at the opera.
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Behind the closed curtains of optician Carol Gomez's bungalow (Sam Battersea), the two women pretend to be a celebrated diva and her loyal conductor in a highly-charged fantasy role play that suggests there's more to Carol and Denise's relationship than meets the eye…
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Kevin Whately guest stars.
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Episode Two
It's staff assessment day at Holy Saints School, and Bill Taddler's new colleague and co-Deputy Head, Lesley Parkes (Rachel Pickup), is putting pressure on him to deal with a narcoleptic colleague of some 20 years' standing.
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At home, Bill's wife, Sheila, is also putting pressure on him to take her beloved dog, Tyke, to a kennels before they go on holiday.
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For Bill, it's all too much and in the chaos, he accidentally runs Tyke over and kills him. Sheila reacts accordingly.
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A Pitbull Handbook has been stolen from a neighbouring library forcing genius library theorist Ken Stockton to resign. In the resulting fall-out, Geoff is offered his job. Sue is devastated and in light of their burgeoning flirtation, desperate to keep Geoff where he is.
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Meanwhile, the library vandal strikes again, this time with an origami 'pop-up' penis glued inside a romance novel.
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Eenie Thompson and Norman consult the shadowy Big Pete – glimpsed only in silhouette - about taming their pitbull, Sabre. He knows just the manual to help.
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Whilst in the safety of her living room, Carol wins gold for England as Dame Kelly Holmes – but who will play the big Hungarian? Certainly not Denise…
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Episode Three
On the back of accidentally running his wife's dog over and destroying his marriage, Bill Taddler undergoes an Ofsted inspection at school – although he's hardly in the mind-set to deal with it.
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Grief-stricken and full of revenge Sheila, meanwhile, ventures on a reunion with an old school flame Alan Robinson - only he's not quite how she remembered him.
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At the library, Sue is delighted when an anonymous letter declares that "Geoff Torville is giving it to Sue McCardle". He isn't; the letter is the work of a vandal who is surely close to the minds of the two accused.
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Carol Gomez and Denise Taylor attend the Oscars in their lunch hour.
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Episode Four
Slum-born millionaire thriller writer Gwen Gregson (Imelda Staunton) visits Horton Library.
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Geoff Torville, keen for promotion, must somehow conceal the fact that Gwen's life-size cardboard cut-out has been defaced with the word 'TIT' by the lurking vandal.
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Sue tends to agree with the sentiment and her rage and jealousy at Geoff's misplaced attention culminates in a catfight with the celebrated writer.
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Elsewhere, Bill Taddler's folk group are to give a concert but Bill has forgotten to pick up the key to the venue; the concert may be cancelled and his group are livid – unless he can come up with a cunning plan to save face.
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Unable to meet her that evening, Denise Taylor has a shock visit from Carol Gomez in the library – passions boil over into a hot row and their night-time 'activities' are under threat.
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Norman Thompson has breached his parole and is back inside – but he hates prison food and his devoted mother Eenie must somehow break through to take him a pie.
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Episode Five
Bill is dreading playing host to Bob (Sam Battersea), Sheila's right-wing brother who emigrated to Canada 20 years ago.
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Sheila refuses to listen to Bill's protests until they discover that it's a make-or-break holiday for Bob and his Canadian wife, Muffin (Emma Kilcoyne), who has just discovered Bob's been playing away.
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Bob must suffer the consequences; so too must Bill and Sheila, as long as their guests stay.
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Geoff Torville needs glasses. He gets some temporary frames, much to the scorn of Sue McCardle. Their passion is obscured and nearly destroyed.
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Eenie, Norman and Big Pete are keen to win at the track – by bloating greyhounds with cherryade – only it's not a tried and tested theory.
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Behind closed curtains, Carol Gomez, now a world-famous film star, is a guest of Michael Parkinson – well, as represented by her ever-devoted friend, Denise Taylor.
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Episode Six
It's the library vandal's finest hour – an effigy swings from a noose – and Detective Wilson (Jeremy Swift) is called in to investigate.
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For the librarians, the effigy is a sick but brilliant composite of romantic novelists living and dead.
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Sue is particularly impressed as it confirms her suspicions of an inside job. Only all the clues to the vandal's identity point to the wrong person - which could be devastating for both Geoff and Sue.
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Meanwhile, Bill addresses the fact that he and Sheila have not enjoyed a "full" marriage since the dog died and embarks on a misguided ploy to seduce her.
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