When all was dark and unawares
A goblin crept in up the stairs
He tiptoed quiet as a mouse
And sent strange noises through the house
The sound of laughter echoed round
The mirth could not be seen nor found
Then suddenly a face appears
With bulging eyes and pointy ears
The goblin crept into my room
And threatened with a handled broom
He sniggers wickedly and says
“Give me a drink or here I stays”
The cheeky monkey then pops in
A bottle of Beefeater Gin
Mayhem quickly then pursues
He's only got my Gucci shoes!
He wiggles shamelessly his ass
Then heads for the Venetian glass
The one's my mother bought last year
(to celebrate divorce my dear)
The tyke then full of will to play
Picked up my Esteé lauder spray
And squirted at my Burmese cat
“I´ll kill you now” at him I spat
Then with a cheek he gave a grin
And grabbed my Belgian chocolate tin
He took one gorgeous little sweet
Then gave it to the dog to eat
The bloody nerve, “I´ll have you mate”
I pinned him up against the grate
But sadly as he wriggled free
He kicked me sharply on the knee
He then heads underneath the bed
(The husband´s gone as I just said)
He picks up my vibrating rabbit
And squeaks that it´s a filthy habit
By now I´m getting really cross
I´ll show him who's the bloody boss
But in a second he is gone
And reappears in my red thong
Then on my peach silk bed he sat
I told him that he looked a pratt
He stuck one finger up at me
Took out his willy, had a pee !
But then he turned a shade of green
And on the wall began to lean
The Gin was dizzying his head
“Serves you damn right” to him I said
And then, Oh no, please God forbid
He´s heading for the toilet lid
And as he staggers to the loo
He whispers “toilet, I love you”
I have no choice and with a grin
I push the little bugger in
So goblin friends I hope you see
You really shouldn´t mess with me
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