Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Scary Movie. Date Movie. Epic Movie. The titles may not have changed much, but the quality sure has. This latest entry in the movie parody series is the most excruciating, unfunny film you'll see this year… if not your entire lifetime. Kal Penn and Jayma Mays play grown up orphans who escape through a wardrobe into Gnarnia to battle the White Queen (Jennifer Coolidge), while spoofing everything from The Da Vinci Code to Pirates of the Caribbean. As Borat would say: it's funny. NOT.

So why is it epic? Well, mainly because it sets out to lampoon every major movie of the last twelve months. "We know it's big. We measured it," claim the movie posters. Size isn't everything, though. Writer turned helmers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's scattershot approach doesn't get a single gag on target. It's like watching a blind darts player with no arms trying to hit the bullseye.

"EMBARRASSING FOR EVERYONE CONCERNED"

Boobs, barf gags and a beaver named Harry (Harry Beaver, geddit? No? Well, you're not missing much) couldn't even make a hyena snigger. Meanwhile spoofs involving Willy Wonka breakdancing, a Samuel L Jackson un-look-a-like battling "goddamn snakes on a goddamn plane" and Mr Tumnus getting a slot on MTV's Cribs are just plain embarrassing for everyone concerned. It's no surprise that the movie's distributors decided not to screen it to the press before it was released. Still, that does mean that for once we can sympathise with all you dissatisfied punters out there. We'd like our money back too, please.

Epic Movie is released in UK cinemas on Friday 9th February 2007.