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Adam Mountford | 09:01 UK time, Monday, 10 March 2008

So the England team have moved on from Hamilton to Wellington after what was described in Monday's as a "dire effort" at Seddon Park.

The newspaper's cricket columnist certainly enjoyed it - "It was a fabulous cricket contest in Hamilton and a brilliant result for New Zealand", he wrote.

An embarrassing Sunday for English cricket will long be celebrated in this part of the world - and English critics will be even less amused because this embarrassing loss came against a New Zealand side minus true world-class greats like Richard Hadlee or Martin Crowe"

Rattue went on: "Cricket suddenly has new heroes. It's difficult to recall a New Zealand team, especially of this order, dishing out a Test match hammering like this."

Traditionally, cricket has struggled to get the sort of attention here that the dominant sport of rugby does. But we travelled here on the same plane as the New Zealand team and it was interesting to see a far greater media presence to greet the Black Caps at Wellington airport than we have noticed so far on this tour...

While Hamilton had its links to the cult musical the Rocky Horror Show, Wellington is fast becoming the home of New Zealand's growing film industry and earning itself the inevitable nickname "Welly-wood". Oscar winning director Peter Jackson still calls Wellington home and it is his hugely successful Lords of the Rings trilogy which has bolstered the city's film-making reputation.

On England's last New Zealand tour six years ago, Jackson appeared on the outfield during the interval of the one-day international at the Westpac stadium here in Wellington and invited the crowd to stomp, howl and shout. He then recorded the noise and used it as part of the sound effects for the second of the Lord of the Rings films, The Two Towers.

Although England's final day capitulation in Hamilton will not bring back too many happy memories, there were plenty of memorable moments during our five days at Seddon Park.

On the field there was of course Ryan Sidebottom's hat-trick in front of his Mum and Dad, who were watching him bowl live for the first time, England's astonishing catching display with Matthew Hoggard's leaping effort on the boundary my favourite, and some highly impressive performances from the New Zealanders, including an accomplished first Test century from Ross Taylor and a Man of the Match performance with bat and ball from the captain Daniel Vettori.

There were also plenty of highlights in the Test Match Special Box. Aggers telling listeners about his night out with Bryan Waddle to see "the Drifters" at Hamilton's Casino - he claims that Waddle was dancing all evening but has yet to provide me with compelling evidence.

Then there was the tale of Jonathan's rude awakening at our hotel early one morning when the person next door put his television on so loudly that Aggers was woken by the theme tune to The Simpsons at 0530am.

He banged on the wall but that didn't do the trick , so he decided to call reception to ask them to phone the room and beg for some peace. Aggers was then rather embarrassed to hear the phone ring in the offending room and be answered by the distinctive voice of his old county captain David Gower.

But my favourite incident concerned CMJ and his new watch. When I took over as TMS producer last summer I knew all about the jokes concerning Christopher's time-keeping. Peter Baxter nicknamed him "the late Christopher Martin Jenkins" because of his habit of turning up in the commentary box several minutes after his spell was supposed to have started - and I soon discovered that the nickname was well earned!

A fair proportion of my day is spent locating CMJ after he's lost track of the time. But he proudly announced on the air that for this tour he had brought a brand new watch to guarantee he would always be on time.

"It's a special watch," he boasted. "You just press a button and it immediately sets itself to the time of wherever in the world you are."

However, CMJ was forced to admit: "Unfortunately it can't cope with the 13-hour time difference in New Zealand, so instead I have set it to UK time so I always know to the second what time it is at home."

He then decided to put it to the test. "If you are listening in the studio please confirm it is now exactly eleven thirty five pm," he asked. You could hear the disappointment in CMJ's voice when he revealed: "Oh dear, they've just told me I'm a minute and eighteen seconds slow!"

I think I may still spend some of my days in Wellington searching for CMJ !

°δ΄Η³Ύ³Ύ±π²Τ³Ω²υΜύΜύPost your comment

  • 1.
  • At 10:53 AM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • Kiwi in Manchester wrote:

I wouldn't worry too much about the opion of Chris Rattue, the average NZ sports fan doesn't. He's generally pre-occupied with trying to annoy as many people as possible while either gloating in victory or putting the knife in when things aren't so rosey. His credentials are about as good as a writer for the Daily Sport!

  • 2.
  • At 12:00 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • On Tour wrote:

Snap, I was just about to write the same thing about that bloke.

I wonder if he got his degree in the UK. When things are good he gloats and when they aren't the knife come out (or should that be in) I used to read his rantings as I follow NZ rugby, He hasn't played for NZ (at any sport) has he? but he claims to have all the answers but just sits in his office saying they should have done this should have done that.

Whats the quote? Those that can do, those that cant just write about it

Im looking forward to the next test, England have nothing to lose and everything to play for (the series, pride etc) and NZ have nothing to lose and everything to play for, as not many would think NZ could pull off a series win.(ranked 7th for a reason) NZ can they back up from their 1st test and show the world that while "Yes" England played bad but maybe just maybe it was because of the pressure they put England under and the positive approach NZ had. Can NZ bolwers back up their performance or was it a one-off display, Can England's Bowlers back up and prove it was just a 0ne-off display. Im looking forward to it.

Get the Drinks in Boys and Girls

  • 3.
  • At 12:59 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • tony ferney wrote:

I love it when people (2) say that England "have nothing to lose". Does a Test Match come into the "nothing" category? One would hope not which is more than one can say for On Tour's post.

  • 4.
  • At 01:25 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • Ian Smith wrote:

Fingers crossed for a better performance in Wellington; from my earlier comments to yours and Aggers posts, I've always been a firm believer in getting behind the team, pushing the negatives away and believing we can get a result....but after that fifth day, I don't know.. Changes need to be made, but other than bring in Broad for Harmison, I don't know what else can be done. I guess its just a case of sit back, watch the game, and pray, rather than what I usually do when we're 9 wickets down for 100, which is to think 'Don't worry, there's always a first for Sidey and Monty to get a century partnership'. And if that doesn't happen....well, Fulham might still stay up yet, you never know!

  • 5.
  • At 01:35 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • Toby Strang wrote:

Woeful being an under statement of our performance well it have probably been completed at a circus, it was just simply dreadful from a team of top players, we were in a defense from loosing the toss the captain and coaches along with selectors must pick this squad up following on from a hopeful lecture. Defensive mode got to Paul "Col Blocker" Collingwood in the second innings debacle batting no less than 50 balls for just 2 runs, again it is simply not good enough.
On the bowling front both Hoggard & Harimson were under prepared what ever we have been told, but the whole team is under review and changes surely have to made for Wellington.
The NZ attack appeared to be bowling on a different surface to our bowlers, why!

  • 6.
  • At 05:17 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • On tour wrote:

They have nothing to lose as they cant get any worse (can they?)Everyone here seems to have written them off, and seem to be living in laa laa land. Have to bring Jones back, have to bring Freddie back.....Well they aren't ready to get back into test
cricket are they?..... if they were then chancers are they would be there but they aren't.

Harmy's heart isn't in it and you don't need that rot in your team

And everything to play for (does winning a test match not come into it?)

It seems that England go out they and look to get a draw in a test, as a draw it seems better than a win.

Face it England don't see themselves as winners or able to win games if things dont go their way. They prefer to play Negative tactics

Maybe there is to much pressure on the players these days.Β£100-250k a year to travel round the the World to play a game they love. Would Beefy roll over the way England did in Hamilton.

Maybe just maybe England aren't as good at sports as we think we are, Yeah it seems we can "fluke" a win and then think thats it

What do "66" "03" and "05" have in common

What have we learnt and achieved since those dates

  • 7.
  • At 05:24 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • On tour wrote:

They have nothing to lose as they cant get any worse (can they?)Everyone here seems to have written them off, and seem to be living in laa laa land. Have to bring Jones back, have to bring Freddie back.....Well they aren't ready to get back into test
cricket are they?..... if they were then chancers are they would be there but they aren't.

Harmy's heart isn't in it and you don't need that rot in your team

And everything to play for (does winning a test match not come into it?)

It seems that England go out they and look to get a draw in a test, as a draw it seems better than a win.

Face it England don't see themselves as winners or able to win games if things dont go their way. They prefer to play Negative tactics

Maybe there is to much pressure on the players these days.Β£100-250k a year to travel round the the World to play a game they love. Would Beefy roll over the way England did in Hamilton.

  • 8.
  • At 05:39 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • Katharine Sinderson wrote:

After the victory in Hamilton, terrible for England but great for New Zealand, does it not give anyone pause for thought that the NZ female cricketers might actually want to play tests too? Since this is the highest form of the game, and since NZ were one of the first teams to do so surely it cannot be right to deny them test match cricket in future.

  • 9.
  • At 05:57 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • On tour wrote:

They have nothing to lose as they cant get any worse (can they?)Everyone here seems to have written them off, and seem to be living in laa laa land. Have to bring Jones back, have to bring Freddie back.....Well they aren't ready to get back into test
cricket are they?..... if they were then chancers are they would be there but they aren't.

Harmy's heart isn't in it and you don't need that rot in your team

And everything to play for (does winning a test match not come into it?)

It seems that England go out they and look to get a draw in a test, as a draw it seems better than a win.

Face it England don't see themselves as winners or able to win games if things dont go their way. They prefer to play Negative tactics

Maybe there is to much pressure on the players these days.Β£100-250k a year to travel round the the World to play a game they love. Would Beefy roll over the way England did in Hamilton.

Maybe just maybe England aren't as good at sports as we think we are, Yeah it seems we can "fluke" a win and then think thats it

What do "66" "03" and "05" have in common

What have we learnt and achieved since those dates

  • 10.
  • At 10:48 PM on 10 Mar 2008,
  • Haydn Bell wrote:

I believe the England team will bounce back from the humiliation of day five Hamilton a better and stronger team. And all this negative rhetoric will dissappear immediately.Keep the same side, after all they surely owe the long suffering fans a result.

  • 11.
  • At 11:40 AM on 11 Mar 2008,
  • Lawrence Peters wrote:

Aggers - After the 5-0 ashes defeat I clearly remember all the emminent pundits predict a return to 2005 glory in the next ashes series based on several points. One was the then retirements of several top Australian players which has happened and two - the then squad of England players were young and by the next ashes series would be experienced test players with success under their belts. Since then however Australia, beside not having an out & out spinner, still dominate the test scene and look to get stronger which is in stark contrast to the fortunes of England to date. What in your view has gone wrong - apart from injuries to key players and more importantly what in your opinion must be done to get England back on the game-plan. I look at Sri Lanka and New Zealand and see that they have a plan, for a game, a series and beyond and they seem to stick with it. Your thoughts.

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