The Battle of the R2 Lagoon
Deep within a secluded lagoon of pre-recorded time, there awaited an intrepid vessel preparing to be launched into the continuum. 1st mate Matt had diligently applied his "mane and tail" shampoo and was ever ready for any foreseeable event. Captain Brand had meanwhile opted for the full body defence option to protect him on this mission. He sported the much coveted "Boyce Behaviour Armour" (circa 1984), which was considered to be most formidable.
The ship set sail through the magical "Rainbow of Georges" (where the legendary Boris Dancers dwell) and made its way up the "Westwood River". But before it could reach "Hatton island" a mighty crash occurred and a huge fog descended. Amidst the mahyem could be heard the oh-so-familiar cackle of the pirate Captain Ross and his first mate Pudsey (boooooo). "Where's Bwand?" he shouted.
A gruelling battle ensued as the mighty titans clashed. There were black toilet rolls and Ferrari keys flying all over the shop. Pudsey was the victim of an extreme cuddle and left weeping in the corner (to be later consoled by Matt) and the poet Gee was thrown overboard to drown in an unforgiving sea of metaphors and similies.
Finally, the mist cleared and all that was left was a solitary Rainbow George who prayed for all our souls. Amen.
This week: I celebrated my birthday by going to see my favourite MC Ice Cube do his first UK show in a decade..... Awesome!
The Grand Pianist
Like the echoes of a piano's final notes of symphony,
Attracting those who're in the throes of a black bog roll epiphany,
So cry Matt a river,
He'll get aroused just like Trigger,
Will Sweep awake from his sleep,
When a Rainbow George speech is delivered,
Our Souls face an alien attack,
Tinkling the ivories with Boyce,
As Ross sees sharp to be flat,
And love is in the air as Westwood reacts,
If a kiss is just a kiss,
Just ask Ricky and Frank!
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