Nothing But The Tooth
- 8 Mar 07, 10:00 AM
As an impressionable boy, I made the connection between great music and bad teeth. Johnny Rotten, Joe Strummer and Shane MacGowan had dentures like Victorian graveyards, but they still produced magical sounds from their mouths. The Osmonds and Freddie Mercury may have had pearly smiles but they sang nothing of any importance.
The clincher was David Bowie. He dressed like a bespangled alien, yet the choppers were definitely NHS. He was the Thin White Duke with the wonky front tooth. And when Mike Myers took on the Austin Powers role, the demands of being a swinging English kid also required him to wear a horrorshow grin.
Well that΅―s my excuse, anyway. While I gave my mouth a regular, reluctant brush, I didn΅―t bother so much with dentists. And yes, I used to open beer bottles with my gnashers. That΅―s what they were for, right?
Consequently, I entered middle age with teeth like an Albanian peasant. I now have a patient and well-remunerated dentist, who is doing his best to deal with the ravages of my careless years. He gently tuts at the scale of the job, and the nasty repair jobs that were carried out in London. And if my bank balance permits it, I may ultimately have a set of choppers that are socially decent. But never as impressive as someone who΅―d actually looked after their own. Hindsight, eh?
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