Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Cheshire-born Rob Crossan, 33, began his professional working life as a stand-up comedian in South Africa. Now based in London, he is a freelance journalist specialising in travel, a job which has seen him visit over 100 countries since 1999.

When not globe-trotting, Rob can often be found reviewing the newspapers on the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ London breakfast show.

For those who want to know, his other interesting 'credentials' include albinism and visual impairment.

In his role as intrepid reporter during the early days of the Ouch! podcast, Rob rose ably to the ever more dubious challenges laid down by the presenters. They ranged from worshipping a statue of a disabled woman through a loud hailer in Trafalgar Square, to counting the number of able-bodied people who used an accessible toilet at Heathrow Airport. But that was a long time ago and he's been doing news and guest presenting for us ever since.

Rob now joins Liz Carr as the co-host of Ouch! - the monthly disability talk show from the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ.

My earliest memory is ...
Getting a dressing down by my parents after I sneaked down to the living room in the middle of the night, took all their vinyl records out of their sleeves and scattered them around the room. I was looking for some Abba. It was 1981.

The three words I'd use to describe myself are ...
Gruff, loyal, curious. Gruff, because that's what everyone else says I am. I don't find that unattractive or pejorative, I take it to mean "doesn't suffer fools gladly", which I don't.

A little known fact about me is ...
That I have a pencil lead buried in my right hand, put there by a girl who hated me in primary school. I may have been teasing her a bit at the time.

Given half a chance I'd relish the opportunity to bore you stupid about ...
Non-league football or African politics. I know a ridiculous amount about Wrexham football club and my African politics obsession goes back to when I used to live in South Africa. I developed a nerdy interest in finding out all about military coups in countries like Guinea-Bissau.

I can't resist ...
A massive goldfish bowl sized glass of white wine, oysters and any kind of unexpected upgrade. You feel like you are getting one over on The Man when you suddenly find yourself travelling in business class.

I want to ban ...
Contemporary country and western music. I think it is a heinous sound from the bowels of Beelzebub. And people who think it's OK to spit on the pavement. It's the noises they make while doing it that get me. Oh and I'd like to ban Raw celery. When I've bitten into it I've felt like part of my brain has just died. And football phone-in shows. They are like standing in the pub for two hours beside the guy who knows nothing but shouts loudest.

The thing I've done but would never do again is ...
Go to Afghanistan. I went on night patrol on the streets of Kabul on foot with the British army for eight hours. We spent a lot of the time wading through sewage up to our knees. I'm glad I did it because I feel that it has given me an understanding of what soldiers are going through.

Before I die I want to ...
Go up in a hot air balloon, possibly over the Yorkshire Moors. I imagine it as being precarious, yet peaceful.

If I suddenly became able bodied I would ...
Drive a tractor. And I'd get on a Boris Bike, go to the cinema and sit in the very back row. Then I'd go to a fried chicken shop where the menu is written only on the wall and spend ages reading it.

Someone should invent ...
'Luxury' disabled portaloos at festivals - ones that come with a smartly dressed flunky to dispense soap, a Sunday Times Magazine on hand to read and Radio 2 piped in through the cistern.

My ideal dinner guests would be ...
Caligula and Eric Morecambe. As the most dissident and debauched Roman emperor of all time, Caligula would kick things off by killing some slaves and starting an orgy. Morecambe would then provide levity with a whoopee cushion joke.

The best thing about working on Ouch! is ...
That it has vindicated what I felt all along about disability. Before Ouch! came along I felt very constricted and that I couldn't talk about disability with some comedy and levity. I thought I had to toe the party line, that we are all brave etc.

My co-host Liz Carr is ...
Beguiling, demands a lot out of life and is wonderfully flippant. She is always there with the pithy, witty comment to bring lightness to very serious situations.

• A new Ouch! disability talk show is published every month. Visit the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ podcasts page to subscribe or download the latest episodes. You'll find photos, behind the scenes news and a transcript of each show right here on the Ouch! Blog.