Wheelchair= Invisible
My partners are astounded by the way the able-bodied world treats me. I'm so used to it that their stunned reactions are almost strange to me. I'm like, "Yeah, the able-bodied world treats PWDs like crap, is this news to you?" Apparently, it is.
I started using a wheelchair recently on bad days, or for trips that involve a lot of walking. It's quite a relief to get from Point A to Point B without having to put myself through incredible amounts of pain. Unfortunately, it's a manual wheelchair, so I need an assistant to carry the chairs down my stairs and push me to my destination. It's just too hard on my upper body otherwise. I spent all day in front of a computer, I don't want to wreck my arms and back.
Usually, my boyfriend ScratchDaddy is the one steering the chair, with me telling him where to go. We do this for work, and many social events. It's made my life a lot less painful. The first couple of days we were out, he was astounded at people's rudeness toward me now that I was in a chair. His primary beef is people taking up the sidewalk, and having to say "Excuse me" three or four times before they get the hell out of the way. You wouldn't believe how slow people move in Vancouver. It also pissed him off when people crowd on the bus ahead of me. It's more sensible for me to get in first and situated in the wheelchair seating BEFORE the bus fills up.
Scratch has gotten quite aggressive about the whole thing. I actually had to tell him to tone it down at one point. I think he'd favor me carrying a cattle prod and shocking people out of the way. It IS tempting.
Today I had a very important appointment, but Scratch had to go to work all day. No problem. I called this new guy I'm dating, Bard, to escort me. After a while, I noticed he was wearing the same pissed-off face that Scratch wears when people are rude or ignore me. Actually, people mostly ignore me or don't notice I'm even there. Not many people are outright rude to me. Anyway, Bard was completely amazed at how people were treating me today. He said, "Why are people talking to me and not you?" I just looked at him and said, "You are soo naive. It's the chair." His eyes went big and he exclaimed, "Are you serious?" He couldn't believe that a set of wheels could make people ignore me the way they don't when I'm on canes.
That's actually the first time I've noticed people treating me differently because of the chair. Actually, I didn't really notice it until he pointed it out. I'm sort of oblivious to rude treatment unless it's really blatant. I don't pick up on subtler stuff like that. Still, I knew to expect that sort of treatment from reading the blogs of wheelchair users.
When we were at Starbucks, I ordered us tea, and the barista tried to confirm the order with Bard. He just pointed at me and said, "Talk to her, she's the one ordering." Bravo! We also had an issue where we were in line and some guy thought we weren't and jumped ahead of us - even though it was obvious we were in line. It was like he saw the chair and thought I couldn't be in line or something! It was weird. Anyone ever have that happen?
I don't get it. What's so different about the chair that people are ignoring me? Is it because I'm not at eye level? Is it because people don't want to deal with disability? Is it that they're programmed not to look at people in chairs? Do they think I'm furniture, as Bard said that guy treated me? I do not understand the difference. I don't understand why it's so hard to look a wheelchair-user in the eye, confirm an order with them, talk to them, shake their hand (assuming they can shake hands, of course). It's simple as anything. What's the big deal?
Bard was really pissed off, but I find myself more wondering than angry. I suppose were I an everyday chair-user I'd learn to get pissed real soon. I'm mostly just mystified. It's hard to take it personally when I know it's just the wheels. It's the chair they have a problem with, not me. Still, it's completely unacceptable. I guess I should learn to start seeing it more so I can stand up for myself more. I like having my partners stick up for me, especially when I'm so tuned out - I tune out almost everything when I'm out and about. It's a necessary survival mechanism for me. Otherwise I see too much, and it overwhelms me. But that's a different topic. Anyway, it's nice that my partners stick up for me, but I'd really rather do it myself.
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Comments
"It was like he saw the chair and thought I couldn't be in line or something! It was weird. Anyone ever have that happen?"
Only every time I get in a queue. And I'm British, I queue a lot.
i totaly agree with all you say . We become the un wanted mention you use a wheelchair or a scooter for that matter men fly (no thanks) usually
one of the things that really annoyed me was the lack of space folk would give you in the supermarket aisles, I lost count of the number of times I nearly got my hand taken off by a trolley. The shoppers couldn't see me generally and clearly considered me a nuisance. I will say that a few folk were great - usually children, perhaps because I was nearer their size.
Do you think it is just old-fashioned ignorance? I think that a lot of able-bodied people believe a wheelchair to be the most horrible thing imaginable (specially if they've never had to use one or known someone who does). They may automatically assume that you must be like the 'extreme cases' you always see on the news or on telly and you need your caretaker's assistance, even when ordering tea.
I suppose I may just be trying to rationalise. I have not been able to come up with a rational explanation for the ones who simply fail to 'see you' (um, how does that happen?!) or give you room to move about, though.
Thought-provoking writing, as always, Zephyr.
I recently "upgraded" to a power chair with an elevating seat. I purchased the seat mainly to help me perform daily tasks more independently, like reaching store shelves. However, the seat is also very useful in social settings, like bars, pubs and cocktail parties. Able-bods definitely react differently to me when I am elevated and "eye level" with them. I'm still in a seated position, but I guess since they don't have to look down at me, it makes it easier to interact with me as a person, rather than furniture occupying space.
Most of the time people ignore us as we are just a nuisance and if they ignore us then maybe they won't have to acknowledge the fact that there are people out there that are different to them but gasp, horror!they are in wheelchairs and are allowed out in the community
What features of a television do you consider should be adapted to suit your needs? Biggers screens, touch screen HDTVs?