Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Crippled Monkey and the rest of Ouch's dedicated bloggers are taking a break for the festive season. We'll be back in the new year. In the meantime, we'll leave the last festive word to our very own Lady Bracknell. Happy Christmas!

Do you know a Braille-using child who would be chuffed to bits to get a letter from Father Christmas? Unfortunately, you're probably now too late to organise one for this Christmas. (Lady Bracknell sincerely regrets being so tardy in her researches, and can only beg that her punishment won't consist of being forced to listen to an endless loop of Christmas hits from the last three decades while sporting a novelty headband complete with amusing illuminated reindeer antlers.) However, if you save the information from this link - - you'll be sorted for next year. Canada Post receives more than a million letters from all round the world every year, addressed to Santa at the North Pole. A company called T-Base Communications provides a free transcription service so that, when Santa receives letters in Braille, he can reply in the same format.

On the other hand, if you have a Braille-using loved one who is a smidgen too old to believe in Father Christmas, Lady Bracknell believes she may have tracked down the perfect solution to your seasonal gift-buying conundrum. Why battle through a crowded shopping centre when you can whip up a personalised batch of these yummy, accessible, in the comfort of your own home?

Β• Visit

Here on the weblog, we occasionally like to bring you appeals from Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ production teams who are looking for disabled people to appear in programmes. Here's the latest:

This could be your chance to join the Jet Set! Eamonn Holmes is returning to Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ ONE next March with The National Lottery Jet Set, and he's looking for contestants!

Fancy winning the trip of a lifetime and living in luxury in exotic locations?

If you think YOU could join the Jet Set and lead a millionaire lifestyle around the globe, email or call NOW for an application form. We will be auditioning soon.

Email: jet.set@bbc.co.uk
Tel: 0900 111 44 61 (calls cost a maximum of 60p)

That Eamonn Holmes has got a cheeky grin, hasn't he?

For ten gripping weeks from January 18 next year, Richard & Judy will be inviting guests onto their Channel 4 show to review the which they (or, more probably, their researchers) have chosen to recommend to the viewing public. Which is all very well for those of us who can see to read the printed page, of course, but what if you're a blind or visually impaired book lover? Will your only option be to listen to the words of praise being heaped upon these masterpieces of modern literature, and then curse the fact that you'll never be able to read them for yourself?

Actually, no. Richard & Judy have joined forces with the , who will produce each of the ten titles in Braille in time for the appropriate programme. In fact, the show's executive producer, Amanda Ross, insisted that publishers could only take part if they agreed to fund the cost of transcribing into Braille any books which were chosen for the Best Read. If you want to borrow or buy a Braille copy of any of the books featured on the show, or find out more about the initiative, you can contact the library on 0161 406 2525 or email reader.advice@nlbuk.org.

Β• Visit

Weekend America - a weekly show on National Public Radio on the other side of the Atlantic - had an interesting discussion on the subject of disability and humour at the weekend.

Featuring Lawrence Carter-Long from the Disabilities Network of New York City, check out the of the show ... then go and paint over somebody's personal parking bay for a larf.

Yeah, we all know it's tough for disabled people to find employment. Well here's a new idea. Ever thought of becoming a spy?

The UK's impaired are getting like James Bond and Alex Rider. The ever-more-open MI5 have been given a Positive About Disability award for adjustments made to their business.

MI5 say that, as part of their recent recruitment drive, they have taken on 20 crippled spooks at their famous London office.

Headlined: An article in last Sunday's People newspaper, reports: "Many are developing high-tech weaponry like James Bond's Q while others are IT specialists, intelligence analysts and linguists.

Perfect! Disabled people are always said to be great problem solvers and can often cutesy their way round security guards or just plain go unnoticed really. Gadgets and covert operations have to be a classic disability profession now we come to think of it.

The Man With The Golden Mobility Aid, at a cinema near you from Friday.

In light of last week's news from the Joseph Rowntree Foundation that increasing numbers of disabled people are living in poverty (reported in ,) now seems like a good time to draw Ouch! readers' attention to In the Balance: Disabled People's Experiences of Debt, which is a report produced by Leonard Cheshire as part of a series which examines aspects of disabled people's exclusion. It can be downloaded in pdf format from their , and there's also a link from which you can order a copy in an alternate format.

Given that the report is 36 pages long, it's clearly not possible to provide a detailed summary of it here. However, here a few key points to whet your appetites.

• Generally speaking, disabled people don't get into debt because of frivolous over-spending: they get into debt because their incomes are inadequate.
• 49 per cent of disabled adults are not in full-time paid employment.
• Disabled people are seven times more likely to be out of work and claiming benefits than non-disabled people.
• People with mental health problems are almost three times as likely to be in debt as members of the general population.
• 68 per cent of those who contributed to the report had had to leave work as the direct result of injury, a deterioration in health, or the worsening of an existing impairment.
• Even those who previously had an excellent credit history often found that their change in circumstances resulted in lenders increasing their interest rates because they were seen as a 'higher financial risk'.
• 67 per cent said that their financial problems had meant they had been forced to cut back on services, equipment or aids which would have helped them to manage their impairment.
• There are between 60,000 and 80,000 cold-related deaths in the UK annually, but many disabled people have no option but to cut back on heating their houses, even though living in low temperatures often aggravates the effects of their impairments.
• The majority of creditors lack disability awareness and are unsympathetic to the specific problems faced by disabled debtors.
• Although the DLA is intended to help with additional costs resulting from disability, it is nevertheless often included in creditors' assessments of disabled people's disposable income.

The report closes with two pages of wide-ranging recommendations which, if taken up, would serve to dramatically reduce the exclusion faced by disabled people who are in debt.

Β• Visit

The blogosphere has been demanding to know what's happened to Crippled Monkey's regular round-up of new blogs by disabled people out there on the interwebnet. With more and more 'crip-blogs' appearing every day, it's definitely time for a shout-out for those bloggers who sent me their details and asked for a plug!

First up is - wow, what a title! Peff is 21 years old and from Newcastle-upon-Tyne. She's a female Aspie with two autistic brothers, and she created the blog so that she and her dyslexic boyfriend could write about their experiences and have a rant about Autistic Pride.

Next is which, as its writer Joy explains, is New Testament Greek for "I'm looking for a job". And yes, you guessed it, that's what this blog's about - a mental health'er searching "for a job that enables me to continue my self-indulgent dreaming about saving the world . . . and provides intelligent conversation, warm friendship and a decent cup of coffee". Mmm, coffee.

is the blog of a 24-year-old Ouch messageboarder with fibromyalgia. She seems to have a thing about rain, too: "I live in England where it tends to rain a lot. Actually, that's not entirely true; I used to live up North, where it rained all the time. Down South, it's not too bad". Blimey, hat's a lot of weather in one short paragraph.

I don't even know what the title of the next blog means, but is the site belonging to Caitlin. She describes herself as being "seventeen, going blind, suffering the many vagaries of teenager-dom / things". Ah, the teenage years. Crippled Monkey remembers his teens. Vaguely. They were a longtime ago, though.

Last, but by no means least - is it a blog? Is it a comic? Or is it a . Put together by a couple of familiar faces from the Ouch board - Lbarbs and jfsouthpaw - it's packed to bursting with expertly-drawn cartoons, each of which is accompanied by a transcript to make it totally accessible.

That's yer blog lot for now. Remember, if you've got a weblog that you think I should take a look at and feature here, drop a line to ouch@bbc.co.uk.

I, Crippled Monkey, have been thinking that we don't have nearly enough gossip on this here weblog, particularly gossip about disabled celebrities and famous people. I've been gazing enviously at the showbiz pages of the tabloid newspapers, or at sites like , and thinking how much I'd love to do an Ouch version of them. (Needless to say, the rest of the Ouch team didn't look too convinced about this idea.)

And then an email from an Ouch reader dropped into my inbox, containing exactly the sort of celeb-spotting I was looking for!

"This morning, I saw Mat Fraser at Bank underground, looking very grumpy and mumbling 'Liverpool Street' under his breath as we were all ejected from the station."

OK, I admit that it's not exactly fascinating famous face gossip, but it's a start, innit? Mat Fraser, man about London town, on his way to Liverpool Street station. Er, yeah.

So now it's up to you, our dedicated readers, to improve upon this. Have you seen Francesca Martinez in your local supermarket? Professor Stephen Hawking browsing the trashy romance section in the bookshop? Tanni Grey-Thompson breaking her training regime by tucking in to a quarter-pounder with cheese and extra fries? Email your celebrity sightings to me, Crippled Monkey, at the usual address - ouch@bbc.co.uk - and we could have the start of an exciting new weblog feature! Or not. Maybe.

Yes, OK, I admit it: it's another disabled pet story. But to be fair, it's ages since I featured one of these on the blog, and I am in desperate need of fluffy niceness.

So this is the story of Hans, a 9-year-old dachshund who uses a little doggy wheelchair since he suffered a spinal injury and lost the use of both his hind legs. And as if that's not heartwarming enough, the goes on to report that Hans has become an "inspiration to humans facing new challenges" by working at a rehabilitation centre for stroke patients, who "find hope in his upbeat nature". Indeed, stroke patient Mimi Wildridge is moved to say: "Look at that adorable dog . . . Look at what he's able to do with his disability".

It's only Monday morning, and Crippled Monkey is already overcome by a wave of cute doggy emotion. It can only go downhill from here.

It's been dragging on for weeks, even months, but today - finally - runs across London, before being put out to retirement on limited 'heritage routes'.. Now, is it just Crippled Monkey's imagination that everywhere I look, the finger seems to be pointing squarely at 'accessibility' for being the main reason why these "much-loved design classics" (as everyone seems to call them) are being taken off the road? The spotty bus anoraks, in particular, appear to be up in arms that, hey, disabled people might just want to get on a bus occasionally too, without realising that fifty-year-old Routemasters might as well be an assault course for all the use they are to us.

Ouch readers, reasonable as ever, have been talking about this topic on our messageboard - and the general opinion seems to be that, yes, a bright, shiny red Routemaster running down Oxford Street or wherever is indeed a lovely sight, but it just ain't accessible. Even our own Tanni Grey-Thompson, in a recent column about how the accessibility of public transport in the capital is improving, couldn't help admiring the old vehicles, while noting that it's not just crips who couldn't catch that bus:

"Now, many people bemoan the demise of the Routemaster double-decker, and as we sat and watched them go past we had to agree that they did look nice. We laughed as people tried to run after them and jumped on and off while they were moving, but we also gave sympathetic glances to the pregnant women who didn't make the sprint."

Comment of the day, however, goes to Bob Stanley of pop band Saint Etienne, writing in The Guardian under the superb headline of :

"Yet much of the recent caterwauling about its demise and replacement by the bendy bus has come from the kind of folks who rail against bus lanes from the comfort of their gas guzzlers. None of it has come from mums with pushchairs, anyone on a trip back from the supermarket or, most obviously, disabled people. If an apologist like the writer Iain Sinclair lost his legs tomorrow you can bet he wouldn't be campaigning for the cutesy old Routemaster."

Couldn't have put it better myself. Crippled Monkey is off to catch an accessible bendy bus home. Have a good weekend, y'all.

Now, Crippled Monkey will admit to being no fan of football. 90 minutes of grown men kicking a ball around a field is not my idea of fun. But I do appreciate that some people like it, and that some people even want to go so far as travelling to a foreign location to watch a match in a stadium. But if you're a wheelchair-using football fan who was maybe thinking of going to watch England play in next year's World Cup in Germany - think again. According to yesterday's Daily Mirror, there's an allocation of just for disabled England fans attending next year's tournament. Generous, eh? Don't all rush at once now, form an orderly queue, etc etc.

Once you've rested up from the titanic struggle of buying Christmas presents, it's entirely possible that your thoughts might turn to holiday plans for next year. Of course, in the eyes of many non-disabled people, the mere fact that you've managed to leave the house to buy a pint of milk is indicative of admirable strength of character in overcoming the problems which life has so cruelly thrown in your way. So you shouldn't be too suprised to discover that those same people will frantically applaud your bravery should you actually manage to go on holiday.

Welcome to : 80 acres of land in the Pictured Rocks area of Jones County, Iowa, and temporary home to 5000 campers every year. Not sure whether it's for you? Well, it's "a special camp for special campers" so, as long as you're special, you should fit right in. (Lady Bracknell - who is having Royston Vasey flashbacks as a result of that slogan - is having to be restrained by Crippled Monkey from adding "there's nothing for you here" at this point. She has also been tittering in a rather unbecoming manner about the fact that the chief method of fundraising for the camp is the sale of fruitcakes.)

Camp Courageous appears to be very proud of the fact that it operates purely on voluntary funding, and the site lists lots of ways in which you can help. One of these is to send them items on their . Depending on how generous you're feeling, that can be anything from a a minibus to a can of shaving cream or a box of teabags. Or, erm, a cow. They want a cow (or a bullock - they're not fussy) to turn into mince. Having looked at the (admittedly rather impressive) list of , Lady Bracknell is unsure whether the activity of slaughtering and mincing said cow (or bullock) would fall under 'Farm Experience' or 'Wild Edible Hike'. It may be, of course, that the butchering won't be undertaken by the campers themselves. But then, the site does say that, "All people, regardless of ability level, have the right to opportunities found in the world around them," and "Campers learn to try a variety of creative and challenging activities and experience success".

Β• Visit

Nearly two and a half years on from when it was originally broadcast on Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ TWO and received such a huge public reaction, here at Ouch we still get regular emails from people asking if they can get a copy of the documentary My Family and Autism, or whether it's going to be repeated.

Well, the BIG news for all of you is that it's finally getting another airing, so note down these details, don't lose them, set your recording apparatus of choice or pester a friend with digital telly to video it for you. My Family and Autism is showing again on Tuesday 13 December on Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ FOUR at 10.35pm. Those details can also be found on the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ FOUR site. We don't know if and when it'll be repeated ever again, so this could be your last chance to catch the programme. Don't miss it!

Oh, and in case you're wondering why the programme is being repeated now, it's because it'll be following on from the broadcast of Magnificent 7 on Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ TWO the same evening. This is a new Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ film based on the story of the Jackson family, with Helena Bonham-Carter starring as 'Jacqui'. So, er, don't miss that either.

OK, so I'll admit that it's not often I grab stories from the Church Times, but a small but crucial reference in about last week's enthronement of the new Archbishop of York, The Rt Rev John Sentamu, caught my eye. Seems that when it came to all his key speeches, the Archbishop not only spoke them but also signed everything he said for deaf and hearing impaired people too. Cool. Crippled Monkey says "Big up the Bish!" Or, er, maybe not . . .

Today sees another important date in the progression of the Disability Discrimination Act, as people with cancer, HIV and multiple sclerosis will now get protection from discrimination, effectively from the point of diagnosis. A number of organisations have joined together to explain what this means, and give the new rules as much exposure as possible. To find out more about what these changes mean to you as well to employers and services, check out the website at .

Hollywood actress Kathleen Turner, star of The Virgin Suicides, Serial Mom and The War of the Roses, has revealed that she rather than confess to the fact that she had rheumatoid arthritis. She feared that she would be unable to find work in the US movie biz because of its obsession with youth and fitness. She says her hands were "very crippled" for a while, and that she kept dropping things because of problems with her grip.

Here on Ouch, we hear many tales from some of our more 'wobbly' readers about being 'hilariously' mistaken for being drunk when they're walking along the street. Still, never mind, eh? Because if the above story is anything to go by, being drunk might be just what you need to succeed in Hollywood - well, just as long as you don't own up to your impairment, obviously.

What a kerrrazy, topsy turvy world we live in, eh Ouchers? (Link lifted from a recently discovered collaborative blog on LiveJournal called . Please be warned: this does contain some strong language, so don't go clickin' if you get easily offended, OK?)

Being a crip may not always be a walk in the park, but Lady Bracknell hadn't realised that it meant we needed special advice about . Neither is she particularly amused by the implications of the statement "despite your disability, I know many of you have some people to shop for". Gosh, imagine that. Regardless of our hideous deformities and vile illnesses, some of us have actually managed to con one or two gullible souls into being our friends. Wow. Go us. That's a Christmas miracle in itself, surely?

So, how should the average crip in the street buy presents? Well, there are three choices, apparently. "You may go out and shop, buy through mail order, or shop online." (Go on, admit it: you'd never have thought of these things for yourself, would you? What with the fact that you're tragically crippled taking up your every waking moment, and leaving you without the capacity for independent thought . . .)

Of course, seeing as how us crips can actually manage all of these methods, this does rather beg the question of whether there's a mystery fourth method which would be a bit too much for us, but would be easy peasy for non-disabled people. (Because, if there isn't, this whole article would be completely pointless. Wouldn't it?)

Β• Visit