HUMP HUMP HOORAY
So I was in this bar and I saw Chris Tarrant, so he says to me am I doing the Nike 30 k bike ride around London to which I reply,
鈥淭his is the first I鈥檝e heard about it, I didn鈥檛 even know there was such a thing !鈥
He said, in his wibble wobble way.
鈥淥h, yeh it starts in half an hour, come on drink up I鈥檒l get you in.鈥
At which point he downed a huge glass of scotch on the rocks and showed me outside to where he had a car waiting. The first odd thing I noticed was his driver鈥
鈥t was none other than his old Capital Radio side kick Kara Noble, the lady who had to flee the country after selling some topless photographs of Royal Sophie to a national rag, just after she鈥檇 first got together with little Prince Edward.
Time hadn鈥檛 been good to Kara, she looked ancient and was shoeless, dressed in a just a cheap piece of cloth with a stripy tea towel on her head.
As we drove to where the race was due to start Kara asked me if I鈥檇 like to hear "the travel and weather together," I politely declined, Chris in the meantime was busy trying to light a giant leek that he insisted was a cigar.
When we arrived Chris sorted me out with a fluorescent green sponsored cycling outfit, it was a skin tight affair and once on, it spelt out four words very clearly, 鈥淕o to the gym.鈥
I realised I had no suitable footwear to go with my new look and then out of nowhere someone handed me a pink shoe box, in it were a pair of brand new pink trainers, they were wonderful, also in the box was a mobile phone, also pink. I donned the trainers and put the mobile phone in my pocket. There was no time to ask questions.
Moments later I find myself on the start line, Chris is proudly smoking his leek, which still isn鈥檛 lit whilst mumbling phrases like "I really want to give you this money," the rest of us were waiting for the off.
鈥淣ow gentlemen, this is just a bit of fun, it鈥檚鈥 not鈥 a鈥 race, do鈥ou鈥nderstand ? If you do, after me, all say yes Mr. Patterson.鈥
We duly replied en masse and obligingly Mr. P. set us on our way. No sooner had the speed merchants fizzed off into the distance I realised I was having trouble keeping up with anyone, this was because I did not in fact have a bike.
鈥淲hat鈥檚 the matter old chap ?鈥 said a fellow racer with a kindly face.
鈥淓r鈥 I don鈥檛 seem to have a bike.鈥
鈥淥h dear that鈥檚 a little unfortunate, that will never do, not with you looking so natty in your snazzy green cycling outfit and lovely bright pink trainers. I鈥檒l tell you what why don鈥檛 you have my bike. I鈥檝e done this tens of times before, I鈥檒l walk, go on off you go.鈥
鈥淗ang on a minute, hang on there, aren鈥檛 you Michael Palin ?鈥
鈥淲ell yes I am actually, me and the rest of the guys are here on the last leg of a promotional tour for Spamalot have you seen it yet ? If you haven鈥檛, I can get you tickets... as many as you like.鈥
I was just about to reply when Eric Idle showed up and ushered the lovely Michael in the direction of a bunch of reporters eagerly waiting, pencils and notebooks at the ready but all upside down.
So off I sailed on Michael鈥檚 magical machine down The Embankment, over Tower Bridge and east towards Canary Wharf.
I was no longer last, in fact I was speeding throuhg the field at a rare old pace, Michael's bike was indeed a dream, In no time at all found myself riding side by side with the two race leaders, none other than Zig and Zag!
Both had grown legs and done away with Mick and Keiron the guys who used to operate them.
"Hello boys," I exclaimed with glee.
鈥淐hrissady-Bow!鈥 said Zig.
鈥淚 like cheese, HA HA !鈥 howled Zag.
Apart from this they were in no mood to talk, cycling was the only thing on the loveable aliens' minds.
And then, AND THEN. The phone in my pocket rang鈥 I fumbled to get it out鈥
鈥淓r鈥ello.鈥 I said
鈥淲ho鈥檚 this ?鈥 said a girls voice.
鈥淓r, who鈥檚 this ?鈥
鈥漈his the owner of the phone and the pink trainers I suspect you鈥檙e wearing.鈥
鈥淥h my goodness me I鈥檓 so sorry, I thought they were meant for me.鈥
鈥淥h,鈥 she said, 鈥渄on鈥檛 worry about that but listen I live down on the Commercial Road, you鈥檒l be coming by me in a bit do you think you could pick up two bottles of white wine and ten cans of lager, oh and some crisps or something?鈥
鈥淓r, yeh sure. How will I know where you live though ?鈥
鈥淥h you鈥檒l know,鈥 she said.
As I pressed end call, a drinks stop was approaching, amongst all the various bottles of water and energy drinks I could see there were two bottles of wine, ten cans of lager, a big value bag of crisps and twenty Marlboro lights, all wrapped up in a cellophane and with an address stamped on them.
MARY LOU,
PENTHOUSE,
13 COMMERCIAL ROAD,
LONDON
E BY GUM.
This was crazy, I discarded my bike picked up the package and started to walk back through the on coming cyclists.
Their energy was like an unceasing wind, I had to fight to go forwards, leaning into the gale. My feet were heavy, the muscles in my legs began to burn but I couldn鈥檛 stop smiling.
Who was this MARY LOU ?
x.
Comments
Morning Chris ,
You made me laugh out loud this morning.
The image of Chris Tarrant "smoking" a leek will be with me all day.
thanks and have a great day
Gareth
Eating cheese before bedtime Mr Evans?!
LOVE your dreams. They make up for the fact that (though I am convinced I have them) I never remember my own.
So, do you know a Mary Lou? And have you awoken to find crisps/lager/fags package at the side of your bed?!
Happy Humpday good bloggers,
JF xxx
PS ELO - Livin Thing - QUALITY.
...and thats the problem isnt it; Dreams come to an end and leave you with nagging questions that you just cant get out of your head. You then spend all day going back over the whole thing wondering why this person or that person was in the dream and what the significance of it all was. And, before you know it, you're off to sleep again to go through the whole thing again!
Goor morning Chris et al
Now is this mornings blog down to :
a. cheese consumed late at night
b. mushrooms not being the right/wrong type
c. wizards
answers on a postcard please !!!
What a fantastic dream.....why do we have bizarre dreams?
Last week I had a mad dream about Louie Walsh yes you heard right :o\ Louie Walsh
We worked together in a coffee factory, he would creep up behind me and always put his hands on my boobs (yikes) I woud then always use my bag to hide the fact he was fumbling with them.
Everywhere I went he would creep up behind and grab my boobs, I went to the butchers to get 10lb of ham and he was there touching someone elses boobs and I got mad, then Julian Lennon who was the butcher said he would like to creep up and touch my boobs so I shouted to Louie "your sacked"
I woke up to find my cat on my chest kneeding my boobs LOLOLOL Bizarre!!!
Anyway hope you are well Chris, I'm back to work tomorrow after some time off, take care
Love always Jojo xxx
A very good morning bloggers and schloggers,
Well Chris that has to be a dream? We have had a bike dream before and I can see a similarity with the madness in this one. ;-) I think you may be eating too much cheese or something late at night! The way this dream was going MARY Lou would be someone like Carol Thatcher, LOL
Still I have been catching up on the posts I missed yesterday whilst we all wait for today鈥檚 instalment from Chris and as if by magic it appeared. :-)
Tracy- Ann welcome back keep smiling :-) x
Georgina, good luck t you my virtual friend. When you feel like taking on an adventure share it with us and I am sure we will all send as much positive energy as we can to help you through it. x
Weezie. Better late than never ;-) xx
Keith
x
P.S
At a bus stops in Belgravia and 2 men Alex & Carlo get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears Alex saying to Carlo the following:
"Emma comma first.
Den I comma.
Den two asses鈥 comma together.
I comma once-a-more!
Two asses, they comma together again.
I comma again and pee twice.
Then I comma one-a- lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pigs," She retorted indignantly. "In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives."
"Hey, coola down lady," said Alex. "Who鈥檚 a talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda howa you spella di 'Mississippi'."
A tenner says ays you're gonna read this again! :-)))
Oh Chris...
!!!!!!!!!! LESS CHEESE BEFORE BEDTIME !!!!!!!!
Did anyone see Heston Blumenthal last night?
vache et salade
love
hazel
x
Chris, I am perturbed by your lurid ramblings. Did you by any chance eat cheese for supper?
i need a lie down........
Morning everybody :o)
I want some of the stuff you're on Mr Evans.
I'm assuming this was a dream you had, if not then I have sewriously misjudged what it's like to live in the big smoke. Take care people, it's a jungle out there!
:o) Jo
Hi Chris
I must admit i thought i had weird dreams but yours are 10 times weirder.
I even brought my self a book 'A dictionary of dreams' to see if i could find the hidden meaning but it made them more confusing as every thing has several meanings.
I would just like to congratulate you Mr Evans, as I only started listening to Radio 2 because my boss listens to it but i now thoroughly enjoy it.
Keep up the good work!
xxx Nikki xxx
Cool dream..
I once had one where I thought I was a super hero and was beating up loads of bad guys...in reality I was beating up my hubby!
Shona M
Good Morning, Happy Humpday!
I have to admit to being probably the most unphilosiphical (no idea how to spell that!) person in the world. So I have no idea what that was supposed to mean!! I have presumed it is a dream and that you know far too many famous people, that's why you dream of them!!
It could, however, mean that it's time to take the nice big pink tablets, start wearing one of those nice jackets with a rear fastening, and redecorate your home with softer walls!!
Love ya, but think you're a bit mad!!!!
Hugs
SWx
Oh I'm so gullible!!
Please go back to sleep - I want to know more about Mary Lou.
Great to have the blog back but I think that you got off scot free for the hideous crime of abandoning us for 2 weeks. Might have to punish you by not listening tonight . . . or maybe that would be cutting off my nose etc.
Kate
I don't understand - is this a joke?!!? :)
Gosh Chris what a dream, and why do they
have to end at the crucial point? :-)
I always try to get back into the dream but
it never works :-)
Keith - Here's my tenner :-))))))
good joke, as always xx
Take Care
Love Mary xx
Krystof
Well hallo Mary Lou, good bye heart...could this be a premonition of TROO LURVE....or not????
I'm sure you're not alone. It is possible however that you may be on your own with Chris Tarrant and the leek, (Have you ever tried to set light to a leek? We did in science once and the bunsen burner exploded before the leek even ignited...perhaps one for our Heston eh?) but I've been having some krazee dreams lately too. I think it's the weather, or it may be too hot in my bedroom, I dunno...I can sometimes remember them, and sometimes not...
BIG'UN 6# (at the moment) - One for you my honey...
At a bus stop in Kensington and two men, Rafe & Tarquin, get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears Rafe chatting, and then arguing with Tarquin over the following:
"Sorry chap, it's WOOOOM..."
"No, it's WHOOOOM..."
"No, definitely WOOOOM."
"Beg to differ old bean but it's WHOOOOM!"
"Tarkers old pal, it's WOOOOM, and I'll hear no more on the matter thank you."
"Don't you 'old pal' me old son, it's WH..."
At this the woman jumps up and shouts "For G*ods sake, it's WOMB!!!"
The two men look up in surprise..."So THAT'S how you spell an elephant's f*rt then...is it?"
Live from a secret location
love
hazel
x
Jojo - Louis Walsh eh...now that IS worrying...
Thats really odd. Thats my postcode!
Don鈥檛 be fooled by Mary Lou, real name Roy Amul a Turkish transvestite who only wears pink and lives over the Tabernacle Turkish Restaurant that specialises in Belly dancing, but has no drink license.
Hello Chris and goodmorning bloggers
What a crazy dream. I had a crazy dream last night. Mine seem to fall in line with other patterns / cycles in my life and I wonder if it is the same with you?
Mine was about my 'backup husband' (you know, the bloke that you said you would marry if you hadn't got hitched by a certain age) renting me and my real husband a dodgy caravan. It had a lovely view but a nasty stain. And to top it all 'backup husband' was sleeping in the back.
I woke exhausted and feeling guilty for selling the house!
Does anyone else's dreams filter into real life? I find it really hard to shake the emotions of the dream off.
It would appear that you have no such problems Chris. Or maybe you blogging your dreams is a way of processing them?
Andromeda
Hi Chris
I was chuffed that the 'going home dance' got a mention on the show yesterday. One minor point, the 'she' you referred to is actually a he! Yes I'm a man, and a man who dances through a warehouse on a firday evening at that.
If my alias can fool you, our boss won't stand a chance of finding out who we are. My colleague and I are both senior managers in the company and have to act profesional at all times. Yeah right!
Bye for now.
shottie (written in a deep voice)
ps I hope no one actaully watches the cctv footage.
Me again
Reference the reference yesterday to age, I couldn't find this to post. I came across it this morning and given "Friday's frivolity" is already earmarked (assuming I can FIND it when the time comes), posting now. I don't think it's been on here before. It was in my "Outbox" in email dated last March so it wasn't from here I
swiped it. Enjoy.........
Do you realise that the only time in our
lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids? If you're less than
10 years old, you're so excited about
aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't
hold you back. You jump to the next
number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're
gonna be 16! And then the greatest day
of your life . . . You become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony ......
YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what
happened there? Makes you sound like
bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're
PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes,
it's all slipping away. Before you know it,
you REACH 50
And your dreams are gone.... But wait!!!
You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40,
REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you
HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day
thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is
a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you
TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there.
Into the 90s, you start going backwards;
"I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little
kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy
100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG :-
1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
2. Keep learning. Learn more about
the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
(And the devil's name is Alzheimer's)
3. Enjoy the simple things.
4. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until
you gasp for breath.
5. The tears happen. Endure, grieve,
and move on. The only person, who is with us
our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you
are alive.
6. Surround yourself with what you love,
whether it's family, friends,pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
7. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond
what you can improve, get help.
8. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to
the shops, the pub, even to another city or
another country but NOT to where the guilt is.
9. Tell the people you love that you love
them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: -
*** Life is not measured by the number of
breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away.
(If any of you elect to send this out
by email, add on : )
Send this on to someone who means a lot
to you. Since this has been sent to you by
someone YOU mean a lot to, smile
and.................
Have a wonderful day!!!!!!!
Can't wait for the photos to be posted ;)
Ok Keith - where do you want me to send the tenner? Very funny as usual.
I love weird dreams, just wish I could remember my own. And then, of those I can remember, I wish I knew how to interperate them.
Happy humpday all
Chris, where did you get to with my trainers and wine last night?
so whats the 1st song of the show gonna be? mary lou or bicycle race?
Keeping my comments short and sweet today, after trying to push a log into my wood burner and slipping into the hot coals, so my hand is quite poorly. Ahhhh, bless me.
Cheers,
MW, a!
MWa #18 :-))))))
surely this is a dream???
Chris, I was the bloke dressed as a pantomime horse riding the Chopper. Nice night for a ride I thought anyway I leant you 20 quid to buy the drinks, crisps and fags so could you give it to me at tonights event (whatever that may be)!!
Well..
Crazy blog, more sleep or less sleep needed one thinks!
Is it just me or if I have to much sleep I feel worse than if I have a small amount... I think that differs from person to person. I always want more sleep and feel I need more sleep but feel great when I wake up early to go to the gym! Strange!
Thanks #111 Lyndyloo & #98 Anna...
Have a great day all... (just listening to podcast now!)
And why did you not come to my penthouse and share my wine, drink my lager and smoke the marlborough lights? I can only assume that you must have been woken by the morning light peeping through your curtains....
What a shame. I had such fun things planned for us to do and a whole host of foraging on the agenda.....
Maybe next time
ML
-x-x-x-
Christophle - have a very pointed image of you leotarded from head to toe, with only glasses showing.
Funny, but disturbing.
To the chap with the going home dance - we have one too!
lotas humpy love,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
great dream chris!!! zig and zag were brilliant weren't they. where are they now??
Good morning all
Chris has chosen the topic of dreams today, so let's think for a moment what our dreams say about ourselves.
Chris apparently dreams of encounters with media personalities. It is interesting that the only person appearing who is not connected with broadcasting is the mysterious Mary Lou (an anagram, incidentally, of 'My Raoul'). Could this reflect Chris's difficulties in dealing with people outside his sphere of celebrity? Perhaps. On the other hand, it could be someone who once made an appearance in Chris's life, and has since been forgotten. We all know that Chris has lived a colourful life, and has met literally thousands of people. One possibility is that Mary Lou, or Raoul, is merely a bystander memory, swept in by Chris's unconscious mind to fill the gap left behind by his dampened-down memories of you-know-who.
Either that, or she/he doesn't exist at all. This wouldn't be at all unusual. I myself often make up people in my dreams. for example, last week I met a man who claimed he ate his toes each morning for breakfast. I swear upon my life that I had never met this man in my waking hours. Just last night, I was fighting a campaign to save Denise, my faithful receptionist from being married off to a stranger from New Zealand, who had seen her promotional video and had flown over on a cessna light aircraft with a dowry of eleven sheep and a rugby ball.
My theory is that we use our imaginations to construct these characters to provide balance within our self assembled view of the world. In the case of Chris, he creates non-celebrities to balance out the plethora of personalities, whereas I create people with habits I find unsavoury to counterbalance my own obsession with clean living and fair play.
I hope this helps
J McC
(This comment was brought to you by McCrumble Therapy Ltd - an intepretative service for the inquisitive blogger)
P.S. in my dream the New Zealander was forced to leave after being physically attacked by the television presenter and art critic Brian Sewell. Denise, somwhat bizarrely, then married all the sheep.
Hey Cristoff and bloggers
What a brama of a dream,though when I first logged on I wondered what on earth the boy was on about today.
About dreams though,are you able to resume your dream when awoken in half sleep, and if you concentrate you can also resume the dream a day or 2 later.
Are your dreams in colour Chris and bloggers, cannot picture zig and zag in black and white.
I had a dream come to see me earlier today, Rebbeca my gorgeous packaging supplier.
come on our team.
Pottsie.
Calling (all) Mary Lou(s)
Atherstone would be the new name for the Commercial Road then...hmmm?
MW,a! - BIG KISS FOR MAKE IT BETTER...MWAH(!)
SOOZY WOO 13# - Methinks some of the people on here have already had the pink tablets. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a dream????????
DANNY 29# - One does hope that the Chopper was of the original style...although I wouldn't want you to hurt your...ahem...self on the gear stick....
PROF PLUM 19# - I thought that was just at weekends?
apres ski
love
hazel
x
Made it! Normal (ish) time!
Wow what a dream! I was thinking that maybe its your subconcious telling you to go to the gym more, quit smoking and do the london marathon :-))))))). Only kidding! The image of you in green lycra with pink trainers will live with me for a long time!
Mary-Lou is nearly my real name..........Could you have been dreaming of the blog?? ;-)))
BIG 'UN - Your gonna be rich (in love!) as well as tenners by the end of today!!!! Heres mine!
Later, I will be listening to CLP while I am GOING to work!! I will hopefully blog again later, but just incase, I am going away again today for 9 days this time to Oz!! As its work, only 24hrs actually in Oz!! I maybe a bit jetlagged on my return! I will endeavor to blog while I am away cos I dont think theres enough hours in the day to catch up with that many blogs on my return!!
TRACY-ANN - glad you had a good break.
HAZEL LOVE - hope you are taking care while saving the planet?!
Love to you all. Love Weezie xxxx
I always have great dreams, the weirder the better; sometimes however, I have ones that I really can't separate from reality! Viz: I watched the marathon re-run of X factor on Sunday evening, then had some nachos and went to bed. I dreamed that X Factor was transferred from ITV to Radio 2, and listeners still voted for their favourite act, but they were, of course, making their choice based on singing ability only, not appearance, not dancing or stage presence. I didn't get as far as the winner, but Jaba the Hutt was a contender!
I awoke, thinking how interesting such a contest would be , without the prejudice caused by looks!
Rog
ha ha ha - you are on another level Mr EvanS! Thank Gawd you are. You keep the rest of us Sane! ha ha ha
My son also loves Cheese. he wrote a song about it. "The Cheese Song". Is all about Swedish Cheese, the type you can buy from Ikea. Maybe he and Zig and Zag should get together.
I'm amazed you can remember all your dreams, I wake up thinking that was amazing and as I try to recount them........pffffssssssss they've gone. Weird eh?
Just needed to vent a bit!
Why is life so unfair to people?
My poor lovely mum has had one of the most c***py years ever.
This time last year she had a mastectomy, she lost her hair through chemo on Christmas Eve (couldn't hold on for one more day!), she's just got over all of the nasty effects and BAM....
of all things....
SHINGLES - all over her face.
So now that she's just got up the confidence to go out without a wig because her hairs growing she now won't go out because (in her words not mine) she looks like the elephant man.
It's just not fair
Sorry - rant over - back to beign thankful for the pretty leaves and the fact that she's not got cancer anymore! (fingers crossed)
SWx
Well Evans my boy! Cheese, Mushrooms or Mary Jane, sorry Lou, it must have been a good evening. I bet Daniel Craig and Diddy Cameron were in front of you! And thanks for the image of the green outfit, I not have that image burned in my brain!!
I wish I could say I had such a good dream, truth be told didn't get a lot of sleep last night. dropped off in the middle of something that I wasn't particularly watching, woke up in the middle of something called body farm on Channel five. Did anyone else catch it at midnight last night. Strange people the Americans. I remain convinced that the USA and it's inhabitants are an alien experiment that went wrong. I think it must have been instigated in Texas, how else do you explain a problem like Dubya!!
Anyroadup
#12 Shona, Is that the story you told to the judge and jury? Did they believe you?
Big'un Where do I send the tenner?
Ohmigod JoJo: Louie Walsh?????
DD out!
Back for some more ;-)
First I as many thought Chris must have been on the cheese. But we all eat cheese I thought, so what is different in his diet? Mmmm 鈥.I think he has found something special when foraging or maybe it was in the rabbit stew?
To all the Mary Lou鈥檚 out there 鈥..very funny :-))
Hazel Love # 7 (for the moment) very good. :-) I first saw you at number 1 today and thought I had been policed again ;-( I do send a lot of jokes (I know you will be shocked but it is true) and have been know not to get through the filter once or twice! ;-)
Russell # 15. I fear no joke my friend just a crazy, crazy dream! ;-)
Prof Plum # 19. Is that true? If so how do you know these things? ;-)
Weezie, safe trip! xx
Happy Humpday one and all :-))
Keith
x
Afternoon all you lovely people in our blogging world!!!!!
My dreams are never that interesting - so I am going to eat all the cheese I can find!!!!!!!!!!!
Am going to try another entry which I think is funny and I hope the "blog police " let it through BUT just in case they don't "HAPPY HUMP DAY"!!!
Mayhem
xx
Dreams - wish I had them, remembered them or could make up some entertaining ones. Sometimes an incident during the day reminds me of crazy times asleep, but not often.
SW #40 Sorry to hear the news about your Mum - sounds as if she's strong in spirit, but awful for you as well as her to be suffering such setbacks now.
JMcC - glad you've given up the alias you assumed yesterday (#79). If trying to hide behind the cloak of an assumed name, you really should choose something less akin to your own
Aw wite! By-ee xx Jill
So. Just an ordinary run-of-the-mill tuesday evening for you as well eh?
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas
Between 21 and 30, a woman is like the UK. Well developed and open for trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become like Afganistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF MAN
Between 15 and 90, a man is like the USA......
Ruled by a d**k.
Mayhem
xxx
P.S. I thought this was funny!!!!!!!
You must be exhausted Chris, I recommend an early night!
Ms Mayhem # 44. LOL Very good :-)
Here is one for you ;-)
What鈥檚 the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
Keith
x
hi christophe,
have you been forraging for mushrooms without a guide???????????
happy hump day anyway, you seem to be enjoying yourself, no matter which planet you are on
Splendid blog, Chris! I was laughing out loud, which is never sensible in an open-plan office.
Reminded me that I had a weird dream last night. Don't remember the details but it involved me having to kill that Damien kid from The Omen. (I hasten to add that I am referring to the character there - not the actor!!)
Soozy Woo - Rant away! Your mum needs you to be positive and unflappable when she's with you. You absolutely should shout and scream your frustration when you're nowhere near her. That way everyone keeps sane...
D
Mary Lou is the much younger (inebriated) sister of the lovable Looby Lou who is at present in the initial stages of hibernation with two hairy mates called Ted and Andy. It was infact her pink trainers and phone you had which is why she is now incommunicado and is unable to confirm the above. She will be in contact when the Springtime arrives - I have left a message in a milk bottle outside the lidded hamper she is currently ensconsed in.
The nurse approaches with my next dose of medication and two rounds of cheese on toast which is slightly unusual as I thought it was going to be banana butties today.
It makes you think?
Bye for now.
MW.
Mary Lou is the much younger (inebriated) sister of the lovable Looby Lou who is at present in the initial stages of hibernation with two hairy mates called Ted and Andy. It was infact her pink trainers and phone you had which is why she is now incommunicado and is unable to confirm the above. She will be in contact when the Springtime arrives - I have left a message in a milk bottle outside the lidded hamper she is currently ensconsed in.
The nurse approaches with my next dose of medication and two rounds of cheese on toast which is slightly unusual as I thought it was going to be banana butties today.
It makes you think?
Bye for now.
MW.
Oh my god!
What the hell is going on that mind of yours?!
I suggest that you consult somone on your dreams!
B52 - Rock Lobster - Classic. Took me back to my youth!
Hazel Love and mwk from yesterday, thank you so much for your kind words : )
Keith #6 Thank you so much. I have really noticed the amount of positive energy on here since the blogmeister started this. I know other people have commented on it, as I have too : )
mange tout
x
Hazel love #36
It seems you have the powers of deduction of the great Sherlock himself......
Well I never Kara Noble, how is she,apart from looking ancient, is she working and did she have any regrets? I always thought her and CT made quite o good broadcasting team, a bit like you and Holly. Love you on Radio 2, thank God you are on and keeping me awake each night driving home from London to North Bucks.
good afternoon friends and how lovely it is to tune in........
wow!!!!....what a dream the man had!!!......I remember having a fleeting memory, on waking, that I had had a dream - but then......flash, bang, something or other....it was gone. However, Chris' experience has more than compensated.
I don't know if it is just me (!) (probably, I hear you thinking) but sometimes I have some information I want to impart (often unrequited) but I can't remember the whole thing/story.....it's happening now, I have some stuff I want to tell you about but can't remember it all.......it won't stop me though : ).... I read or heard somewhere that someone or other (could have been Freud) used to wake up and then drift off to sleep again, having asked someone to wake him up again a few moments later. This had the result of waking him up during that period of his sleep when dreams happen. He did this, so that he could experience many dreams which may help him to more fully understand the machinations of the human mind. (I think he would have needed more than a few 'rapid eye movement' interruptions to sort my mind out......!! ) I think some poets have done this too, to enhance their literary and poetic prowess.
Great joke Keith - you won another tenner : )
Mange tout
Gaby
xx
ps you really are a great group of people : )
mwa #27, this is MW, a! #18 and #26.
I like your name and I like your smile.
In fact thats probably the biggest smile I've ever seen.
keep doing it, it suits you.
x
MW, a!
What a dream!
Happy hump day to all
I'm reminded of a story about Bertrand Russell, the great philosopher who felt sure that in his dreams he discovered the secret of the universe, awoke with the thought in his mind, but had forgotten it by morning. He therefore left a pencil and paper by his bed, determined to write it down at the point of the nocturnal awakening, before falling asleep again. This he did, but was distressed to find in the morning that what he had written was 'there is a pervading smell of meths' !!!!
Perhaps in his case, anyway, it should have been maths, although no doubt be combined the two.
I feel this email should have been written by Prof Plum or Dr McC rather than me!
Hello Chris, hello chaps and chapettes
What a dream...Lots of people are say it's cheese, or mushrooms, (apart from Prf McC who has various theories) May I add my suggestion on the root of this dream..? I have found that people or events that had appeared/happened in the day crop up in the dream that night.....So Chris, are you applying for "...millionare"? Have you seen some new trainers? Have you had an encounter with a leek or a Monty Python recently?
Was the girl you met on saturday called Mary Lou (yes, yes, you said you were joking, but maybe that was to put us off)
Anyway, i'll have what you're having! My best (!!) dream involved Shane Ritchie, and canapes...but enough of that.
Pomme de Terre et beurre avec persil
Love Caroline xx
P.s sorry if this posted twice, my Pc went a bit crazy!
Ms Mayhem # 44. LOL Very good :-)
I did a quick joke right back at you but the laughter police have it so if you are near 麻豆约拍 towers and you see someone smiling then at least you will know why :-)
Keith
x
Hi everyone,
Sorry I'm a bit late blogging but have spent all day trawling through stuff following the messages of Chris's dream last night.
I am possible about to demonstrate exactly how mad I really am (I know you already knew didn't you)
I read and reread the blog, and at first was amused as I should have been, but it just kept nagging at me....So anyway I've been investigating.....
Mary Lou, Zig and Zag, pink shoes, green leotard, Monty Python, cycle race???? These bits are all there to be so bizarre just to ensure this dream was easy to remember on waking!
Why did Chris need to remember this dream and be able to convey it to us all?
The most significant part is CHRIS TARRANT and his LEEK!
Please check out
Here you will find details of the TENOVUS take a leek test to help early detection of prostate cancer.
" Eight out of ten men delay going to their doctor when they have problems, yet the earlier prostate cancer is detected and treated, the greater chance there is of being cured.
Inspired by the humble leek, Chris Tarrant and Tenovus are asking men to 鈥渢ake a leek鈥 test as part of the check your tackle campaign 鈥
Chris Tarrant explains: 鈥淣ow, chaps, answer these questions, and, no, there鈥檚 no friend to phone, no flashing lights or scary music, it鈥檚 down to you 鈥"
To all men reading this and all of us who know men please check out the questions on this site.
I may bit a bit wierd and I don't often remember my dreams, but, I know from experience that my most bizarre dreams are always the ones I do recall and they always contain a message somewhere. It's not about telling the future it's about being aware what's already out there.
We can all muse about where these messages come from.
Thank you for sharing your dream Chris
and thank you for raising the issue (possibly subconciously) AMAZING!!!
Take care all
CAKE
xxx
Me again!
If DR J MCCRUMBLE #34 is right and maybe you have met Mary-Lou in the past but have now forgetten, I suppose IT COULD BE ME!!!! :-)))).
As I have said, It is very close to my real name and am sometimes called Mary-Lou by work colleagues and as I met our garjus mange tout, CLP at work maybe I penetrated his subconcious all those years ago! I mean we did have a good chat en all! And I do drink wine and beer & before I quit would smoke the occasional Marlborogh Light!!! This is spooky!! No it isn't Its wishful thinking :-0)))))))).
All you other Mary-Lou's - hands off!! hahaha!!
Keep eating cheese and the dreams going Chris, without dreams in any shape or form, where would we all be?
Love again and adios.....xxxxx WEEZIE xx
Would someone please comment with a different visual image as the tablets will not eradicate the vision of Mr E in a fluorescent green covering with bits of road kill stuffed where the pockets should be. I know there was no mention of this but somehow the foraging thought popped in when I thought this was a mushroomed induced dream, then faded to "road kill" - sorry veggie people - and the image was planted.
Sleep easy - they're coming to lock us up soon but they let us have the radio on.
MW.
Hi,
just wanted to apologise for the rant again and to say thanks to Jill #44 and David 49#, it's somehow reassuring and calming to read peoples comments and feel their support.
Hazel Love, I'm sure I read a comment from you earlier recommending something (up a sleeve?) but can't for the life of me find the comment to note down what it was! Something sandalwood? - Thank you anyway!
Hugs to all
SWx
Would someone please comment with a different visual image as the tablets will not eradicate the vision of Mr E in a fluorescent green covering with bits of road kill stuffed where the pockets should be. I know there was no mention of this but somehow the foraging thought popped in when I thought this was a mushroomed induced dream, then faded to "road kill" - sorry veggie people - and the image was planted.
Sleep easy - they're coming to lock us up soon but they let us have the radio on.
MW.
Eveninall.
That was close! Skin of teeth etc...
To share, one of my favritist pomes, by the late great Mr Spike Milligan. It is as accurate as my memory will allow...
Mary Lou
was nearly two
When she went
out of doors
She went out standing up she did
But came back on all fours
The moral of
this story is
Please meditate
and pause
Is never send a baby out
In loosely waisted drawers.
WEEZIE - meant to say earlier...thank you for caring! xxx
c'est sept minutes!
lovin' your work
love
hazel
x
GABY...wass goin on hon????????? xxx
I'm reminded of a story about Bertrand Russell, the great philosopher who felt sure that in his dreams he discovered the secret of the universe, awoke with the thought in his mind, but had forgotten it by morning. He therefore left a pencil and paper by his bed, determined to write it down at the point of the nocturnal awakening, before falling asleep again. This he did, but was distressed to find in the morning that what he had written was 'there is a pervading smell of meths' !!!!
Perhaps in his case, anyway, it should have been maths, although no doubt be combined the two.
I feel this email should have been written by Prof Plum or Dr McC rather than me!
your a stranfe man chris
a strange man. good dream though
that was the blog time for the show
Chris tell Sally a monkey "screeches" amongst many other anti social habits which are available.
Ask Desmond Morris or his Dad Johnny.
MW.
Wont let me post anything!!! Has stopped 2 getting thru now!
Well done MW,a got both songs! And Proff Plum got his blog read out!!
gotta go, gotta flight to catch.....
Love you all, adios xxxx Weezie
Good morning from a rain soaked yet beautiful Vancouver and good afternoon to all back in Blighty,
Rarely in life is an honour of such magnitude bestowed upon one as humble as I.
The day I received my PhD...Proud indeed
Being published for the first time....splendidly fulfilling
Meeting my wife...profoundly pleasurable
All these, however, are pathetically pale in comparison to the fact that Monsieur Chris Evans employed my quote from the blog of yesterday to entitle his show this evening.
It may be but 0915 here in Vancouver, but my day has indeed peaked and my professional writings can but falter in an attempt to reach such an apex.
Many thanks, Mr Evans. My smile is transfixed.
To everyone else on this fabulous forum, I can but reiterate how preposterously compelling each and every contribution is.
Incidentally, I love the variety of names used for collections of animals and creatures. For example, my personal favourite is the Lamentation of Swans. Just thought I would add that for no apparent reason.
Good day to you
Dr T
OMG !!!!
I got 'read out' !!!!
I think I'm embarassed (but thank you)
Not that the original was mine, of course.
(On that note, a belated 'All copyrights acknolwedged' because I have no idea where the original came from). Maybe the heat I'm feeling is from my over-microwaved Oxtail soup but I suspect not.
(Point of order : My 1st post seems to have got 'chewed', hence why what I thought was my second says "Me again". I have absolutely no idea why it got chewed. Maybe it was because I implied a naughty word but it DID have the 1st letter and the rest was stars (*). Oh well......)
#68 Hazel Love -in answer to your question to me....I am not sure, lol - it sort of made sense when I thought it and I knew what I meant to say but somehow couldn't transpose it to the page!! lol!! - : )
Littlest Hobo - congrats my friend. Unfortunately, I sometimes miss 'the show', but it's fab when Chris mentions the kids 'from the blog', I just heard him mention Steevie fae Dundee...., great stuff.
laters,
Gaby
xx
Hello Chris,
Been watching blog for ages but never blogged before I just had to react to CAKE #63 though.
You are right that is so amazing, I too think dreams can contain messages from "somewhere" the reason your comment means so much to me is that the man i see in my dreams often bringing me messages is my sadly now dearly departed husband. I lost him last year to prostate cancer and during the last days of his illness we often talked of his delay in reacting to the symptoms and how to prevent others from making the same mistake.
Who knows if your dream really happened to create this result but as a widow who paid the highest price I urge all you men out ther to check out the questions on that link, don't let it be too late, thank you Chris for increasing this awareness - even if you did not know until now that you had, and thank you again Cake
Greetings once again....
Thank you Gaby (#74)....
Though it may be hard to believe, I intend to celebrate with a swift pint of ale after work this evening and maybe evening a pub dinner. Simple pleasures.
Another of my favourites.......
Convocation of Eagles...
Delightful.
Cheerio and good day
Dr T
Littlest hobo and Steve fae Dundee + Glas.
Congrats for the mention on show tonight :-))) It indeed does give a warm glow when it happens as it is so unexpected!
So off the two of you and push out those chests :-)
As for Mr E what is going on? The Fox should get a pay rise for keeping the show going whilst Chris was uncontrollable with his laughter :-)) A very funny moment :-)
Keith
x
hahahaha yeo louie walsh, i was suprized as you Hazel love and Dissing Dave lol
Love Jojo x
Hi, Chris,
A great show as usual, especially the breaking up at the Fox.
Re the secret service, it was a not very well kept secret that MI5 used to have a man permenantly at the 麻豆约拍, they well still have, there are lots of offices there.
That Cryogenic Therapy sounded really great I will be investigating that for sure.
Also your doctor on how to keep the body supple into ald age had some great tips.
You really need a good dietary regime to go with it. I have found a great site where you can learn more about it at
well worth a look.
Don't eat cheese tonight if you don't want another weird dream.
Oh Loulou says thanks for the parcel.
Ian
Yaaaaaaaaaay...Littlest Hobo, Steeeeevie and Prof Plum...yaaaaaay!!!
CHRISTOPHER EVANS - I was laughing my head off on the way home...Bicycle Race and Mary-Lou, SUPERB!
GABY - You is BARKIN' my friend...that's why we get on so well...
JO - Try to keep smiling and have some happy times now...plenty of time to be sad later honey xx
LITTLEST HOBO - On a more serious note, everyone thinks I'm about 35/36 (just a wee bit older) but I laugh A LOT (only at things that are funny, I ain't THAT bad...) so what you say, Dr T, must be true eh?
WILSMAR - We's not so grumpy today xx
SOOZY WOO - You are correct, I did put something on here for your mum, but it's been taken off, so I'd better not do it again. I'm wishing your mum well xx
Apologies to the moderator...xxxxx
SOOOOOOOOO glad to be a part of this, and it's lots of our birthdays soon too!
ANNA - Have made a note that your paella course is the same date as mine. There is no escape, but can I have mine without squid please.
Such a bonkers day - well humped and it's tomorrow soon
Ba-dum tssssssssh
love
hazel
x
PS Daniel Craig
Having just read the foregoing I feel like the "coo's tail" this is my first time in the weblog however from now on it will be my 1st port of call before i start work - have just read Keiths Italian joke - hilarious! So glad you're back to the fore Chris - where you belong - magic show!!!!
I am a spy
How do you get out of saying that?
Dear Heffalump,
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Thank you for sharing on the blog, it really brings home the importance of the message.
I am sure it is your husband in you dreams, I'm sure he knows you watch the blog so I'm really sure he realised the best way to share his message to more men was to share it with Chris.
That's what I'd like to think.
Take care Heffalump, you are a very special person, thank you so much again for sharing, my thoughts are with you
Cake
xxx
Chris,
Here's a naughty rhyme I thought was apt...
My beloved used to sing this in the playground, but now he sings it to me...
Oh Mary Lou, I love you true,
Especially in your nightie,
When the moonlight flits across your t*ts,
Bl**dy Hell Almighty!!!
Really enjoy your show,
Kazbo xx
Hey y'all,
Just a thought - is anyone here interested in creating some sort of consortium (max of 7 I guess judging by what was said about it on this evening's show) to bid for the foraging thingy for Children in Need with our friend Chris? Like I said, just a thought, and probably too late now and all that but I'd be up for going 1/7 if there were other like minded souls amongst us?
Prof Plum got a mention on The Chris Evans Show. This was marvellous given that he has tried to get a request as far back as the Childrens favourites. Favourite record then was Puff the magic Dragon.
Thank you Mr Chris although I suspect Denise Dr Mc Crunbles secretary will be very jealous and be no longer interested in me.
Don't know quite what you were on but i wish I'd had some before the course i was still on today - disinfection and filtration in Water Treatment Works ........... Thank G+++ that its a site visit tomorrow ................ will definitely be thinking about the leeks, nice to eat though.
x
hi c that was no dream , mary lou has bin like a bear since u did,t turn up wif her smokes an bucky. who helped u home from the dog an duck this mornin lucky man barney the barman
#81 Hazel Love, I too was laughing my proverbial socks off whilst driving home with the opening two toons. Apologies to anyone driving alongside me on the way from High Wycombe to Watford.
I had a quick re-read of the whole blog this morning and damn this image of a little ginger haired martian keeps creeping back into my thoughts. The pink mowbly and trainers just add to the confusion, but hey the whole world is a ball of confusion, that's what the world is today!! Woo woo.
Did anyone else worry where Chris was going with the what is the noise called that a monkey makes. I did worry that we were going down the line of spelling an elephants fart! W-H-O-O-O-M
A thought from overnight. For any trekkies out there Did Scotty ever really say "if we inverse the photon torpedoes and point them at the dialithium crystals and fire at the crystals we might be able to escape on the impulse power! It might jus' work cap'n! or was that just Eddie Murphy in Raw?
Damn those cheese n biscuits.
DD out
oh no, i have bloggers block. i was going to comment about the great hallo mary lou song, then i was going to celebrate a great start to the show.... but i got side tracked with life before i could post.
this morning i have read all the posts and have absolutely nothing to say.
Actually feeling a bit 'harrumphy' today and yesterday. Keep thinking to myself, you can choose not to be grumpy and then my grumpy side says, no you cant.... today you are grumpy.
Oh well, working on my favourite project today so i am sure that my grump factor will subside as the day goes on, there really is no reason for me to be grumpy.
hmm - to say i had nothing to say on this blog i have managed to ramble on quite nicely.
Morning thirsty thursdayers.
xx
Morning schmorning tout le monde
Chris...how delightful to hear you on the radio this morning talking to Uncle Tel about your foraging weekend for Children In Need. Oh, to have a few grand with which to bid to share some mushrooms with the maestro.
#91 Dissing Dave....or was it Eddie the Eagle that said that : )
laters
Gaby
xx
Jean mc whirter # 82 A very warm welcome to the blog. I am chuffed you liked the little joke I posted. If you have time have a look at the older blogs as I try (Blog police allowing) to post a joke every day! :-) The blog is contagious you know and now you have started I am sure you will be back again and again and again! :-))
Morning all,
What a shame! I missed the show last night and it sounds like it was a great one (not that any of them are anything other than great).
I've made a resolution this morning. The last few days I've posted really grumpy comments. I've decided to "get over it" and be happier.
This may have been brought on by a surplus of christmas shopping, followed by wrapping the shopping. I wholly recommend wrapping pressies as you buy them, it's so much easier than having to find hiding places!
Ooh, I'm a bit thirsty (Thursday) - off to get a brew. Happy day to everyone.
Hugs
SWx
big un, I owe u a tenner! regards hamraz
: ( it looks like I have been zapped again......have obviously been a naughty girl - but can't think what I posted that could have been judged so : ). Keith, I am in the naughty corner AGAIN!!
However, I am giving myself the benefit of the doubt (as no one else will) and am saying to myself that maybe Chris' blog is en route and so our postings have been held up, although there have been too many appear since anna's which was the one to which I was replying, to convince me of the 'hold-up' (if you'll pardon the expression) hypothesis.
Gaby
xx
Chris, you have thought that one day it would come back and haunt you......although most people say that they have been chased by giant smurfs!!!!!