Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

And it's the kind of record which is hard to recommend, not because it isn't good, but because it hits hardest in the darkest recesses of your music-loving heart. The places where it's just you, your headphones, and Portishead making ghosty-robot noises in the dark. It certainly isn't music which immediately makes you wish you could hear it in a festival environment on a hot day, unless you're desperate for a bit of human warmth and a hug.

As a case in point, this is the first single 'Machine Gun'. This is the song the band thinks will lure people to go and buy the album. This is the Portishead version of a welcoming, friendly and eager-to-please comeback...

See what I mean? They really are the band who put the 'brrrr!' in 'brilliant', right?

Which makes that graphic at the top there all the more hilarious. I mean ringtones? SRSLY? That's Crazy Frog territory, isn't it?

I know everyone does ringtones these days, but I had assumed - maybe wrongly - that it's the cheerier songs which tend to do best. 'Rock Star' by Nickelback, maybe, or 'Umbrella' by Rihanna. The sort of songs you're happy to hear at any time of the day or night (or 'Rock Star' by Nickelback).

I don't know about you, but if my phone started making Portishead noises at me, and there was an incoming call, I would assume it was very, very bad news, from someone like Death himself, and run to the hills.

Hardly a viable new revenue stream for the band there, then...