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Blog Party - Justin Timberlake

• Fraser M
• 29 Nov 06, 04:41 PM

Crazy-ass internet web-physics time. We present a blog within a blog, in which ultra-famous pop star Justin Timberlake* exposes the inner workings of his mind to a goss-hungry public, and the ChartBlog just sort of stands back and watches. Ooh! Look at him type! He's a DEMON!

Over to you, JT...
Thank you, Chartblog...er..hello.

It's so nice to be here talking to you all...ah...TYPING to you all, I should say...and letting you experience the kind of unusual activities which are now part of my day-to-day life, from an insider perspective. You, sitting in your humble homes and schools and work-places, will then have some idea of what it is really like to be someone whose life is a very large distance from being run-of-the-mill, and in my own words too.

In fact, you've already read quite a large selection of the words to which I was just referring. And, being a naturally creative kind of person, I have already started to work in some of my favourite words, as a subliminal (that's one, right there) way of raising the standard of intellectual (and another) discourse (yep) within the narrow confines (I'm clearly very inspired today indeed) of what the press insist on calling my 'media profile' (er, no, none of those).

With that in mind, here is just a short excerpt (mmm) from my daily schedule, which some of you may find a little startling and possibly even upsetting. I can only apologise in advance, but I must insist that, having begun this journey with me, you continue to the very end. Otherwise you risk taking away an incomplete picture of my life, and that would never do.

8am-10am - I am an early riser. My companion Cameron and I often like to take a morning stroll around the grounds with the dogs, Achilles and Hercules. Then back to the house for a brief meal of hand-squeezed orange juice and some sunflower seeds. Occasionally, if I'm feeling wayward, I may supplement these meagre pulses with a light spray of sugar-water. I find that it gives me a lift, although Cameron says the sugar-water tends to make me a little frisky.

10am- 1pm - Assuming I have not become frisky, we spend a quiet morning in the library. I find the works of Keats to be a balm for the soul, and can often be found lying on the chaise longue with a leather-bound hardback in my hand. By which I mean a book, of course. You could have read that as something much ruder, couldn't you? Thank the good Lord I haven't had my sugar-water sunflower seeds today, or...well let's just say I have been known to take a more direct route to matters of a, er, sensual nature. Oh, how I blush!

1pm - 4pm - Lunch is a basic affair. Just some mineral water, some malt loaf and perhaps a slice of strong cheddar. It has to be a strong cheddar though. I sometimes joke to Cameron that a cheese isn't really a cheese unless one feels like metal bolts are being thrust through one's cheeks as soon as it enters the mouthal cavity. We do laugh about that, and then I reach for the seed jar and she knocks my hand away. Ah, youthful japes!

Our afternoons are taken up with our combined devotion to the arts. We will maybe pay a visit to a local theatre for a matinee, or a gallery, or an independent cinema, or possibly a recital by our favourite homeless prostitute string quartet - the Ho-Bow-Sexuals . We both enjoy the sounds of almost any musical instrument, from the one-string banjo to the pink oboe. I myself am a devotee of the gluey flute, although Cameron is less than keen on my efforts, it's fair to say.

Ah, speak of the devil, here comes Cameron now with my seeds and sugar-water. I do like a little pick-me-up at this late hour...

30 Minutes Later: AAA-OOOOH! AH JUST DONE HAD ME A GURL! AH AM THU KING OF SEEEEXXX! AIN'T NO-ONE CAN HOLD A CANDLE TO THE TROUSER-SNAKE! WHOOP!

*Clearly, we've not really got the really real Justin Timberlake writing stuff for us. It's just a man we met in the street who SAYS he's Justin Timberlake. That still counts though, right? RIGHT?