Editor's Note: was a writer development scheme run by Â鶹ԼÅÄ Scotland Comedy in 2014. was one of the twenty-two writers who took part. He explains why he decided to enter, what he learnt and why he'd recommend it.
Room to Write's new scheme launches today. Find out more and enter on our page. Entries close on Friday 13th November at midnight.
I like funny stuff.
That was more or less my entire motivation for submitting some sketches to Â鶹ԼÅÄ Scotland Comedy’s Room to Write scheme way back in… erm… the past. I’m not great with dates. Sorry. Last year sometime. Unless you’re reading this at a massively future date, in which case it was yonks back.
This wasn’t quite the explosive opening I was hoping for.
But anyway. Funny stuff. I’ve always been a bit obsessed with comedy. When I was growing up in the 80s, I managed to convince my parents to get me a second-hand black-and-white telly for my room. Sitcoms were one of my favourite types of programme, second only to , which even back then was one of the most inadvertently funny shows I’d ever seen.
At primary school, when the other boys were out playing football, I was tucked in a corner of the playground reading the scripts to . What sort of kid does that? One obsessed with comedy, that’s what sort. And one who gets the crap kicked out of him on a regular basis, that’s what sort, also.
More than that, though, I loved making people laugh. I began to learn I could stave off a school playground punch to the balls by reciting an impression I’d seen on the previous Sunday. Soon people were seeking me out and asking me to do my (excellent, if I say so myself) Margaret Thatcher impersonation, despite none of us really having the slightest notion as to who she was, beyond a terrifying cadaver our dads would swear at whenever she came on TV.
When I was 17 I wrote a comedy horror screenplay called 'Curse of the Bog Women', which was optioned by a US production company. It never went into production (the rights are now available, should anyone be interested…?), but I knew then that I wanted to write professionally.
Fast forward through 13 years of awful call centre jobs, and I started writing children’s books. My Invisible Fiends series - a horror about a boy whose childhood imaginary friends comes back when he’s 13 and tries to kill him – was picked up by HarperCollins, and I’ve been writing full time since then.
But books were one thing. I wanted to write for the telly. I’d been involved in writing the children’s comedy series, Bottom Knocker Street, for CITV, but I wanted more, dammit! And (finally getting back on topic), Room to Write seemed like the perfect opportunity to try to break in.
The scheme itself has had some ups and downs for me. I’ve loved some of the challenges we’ve been given, like developing our sitcom pilots, but really struggled with the topical one-liner type stuff, which I’ve always steered clear of in the past.
I still wouldn’t consider topical stuff one of my strengths, but through the contacts I made within Â鶹ԼÅÄ Scotland Comedy I was invited to be on the panel for a sort of in-house pilot of topical news quiz, Breaking the News. I was plonked in a studio with some very funny people and had to frantically tread comedy water to avoid drowning in the… er… Nope. This analogy is senseless.
What I’m trying to say is, everyone else was much funnier than I was, but I valiantly gave it a go, and that’s what counts. Right? RIGHT?
From there, I was invited to write for the show and had a reasonable hit rate with the stuff I submitted. I’ve had a few other radio and telly folks get in touch, too, and whatever comes of those I’ve got the Room to Write scheme to thank for it.
The whole experience has helped me get over my fear of topical satire-type stuff to the extent that I’ve started my own topical(ish) satire(ish) website. has been coming on leaps and bounds in the past few months, and while there’s as much stuff about botched cosmetic surgery leaving people with the bodies of giraffes on there as there is anything resembling proper satire, I don’t how to end this sentence.
Sorry. That paragraph started out well, then just got lost somewhere along the way. I’m writing this at 6am. Give me a break.
Would I recommend entering similar schemes in the future? Yes, but only if you agree not to steal any work which might otherwise have been coming my way. It has been a great ‘foot in the door’ and has also given me the opportunity to meet other up-and-coming comedy writers, most of whom are younger, funnier and infinitely more attractive than I am. Seriously, one of them is about 12 and a frickin’ comedy genius. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
So, there you have it. Just as with that sentence above, I have no idea how to end this blog post in a succinct, informative-yet-entertaining sort of way. Instead, I’m just going to wave and grin awkwardly like a contestant at the end of , as you slowly back away from your computer screen and the credits roll.
Ready? OK, here goes.
