Everyone's new mum experience is different, but one certainty is that the first few days and weeks with your baby will be challenging.
No-one breezes through these first weeks like a pro – despite what they might post on social media.
“You might have these expectations of how you’re going to be but you have to be realistic,” says Maggie Fisher, a specialist health visitor and Professional Development Officer at the Institute of Health Visiting.
“Nothing can totally prepare you for this time or for the feelings that you’ll experience, so be kind to yourself. And don’t say no to any offers of help, remember that things will settle down. In the first six weeks, it’s about getting by.”
Here’s Maggie’s best advice on surviving the first few days and weeks, sprinkled with wisdom from the Tiny Happy People community.
Your body
It’s vital to give yourself time to heal – your body has just been through a remarkable physical experience.
“You’ve probably got a flabby tummy, stretchmarks, your nipples might be sore, your perineum might be sore, you might have back pain, you might be leaking milk, you might have piles, you might be experiencing leaking and discharge,” says Maggie.
It’s perfectly normal to be feeling unattractive and overwhelmed, particularly if you had a difficult delivery.
But don’t suffer in silence with any symptoms – remember that no question is too daft or embarrassing for your midwife, health visitor or GP. “These are the realities of being a mum, so don’t be afraid to speak out,” says Maggie.
Take things slowly, eat healthily and snatch sleep when you can.
“It’s also really important to do your pelvic floor exercises as regularly as possible – whenever you can, like sitting down and feeding your baby. Don’t leap back into exercise, particularly if you’ve had a caesarean, as you’re at increased risk of injury. Gentle exercise is so important.”
Top tips from THP mums
- “The biggest, comfiest maternity pads possible… and lots of them!”
- “Ice packs, a breastfeeding pillow and ibuprofen if you need it.”
- “Don’t compare yourself to friends or celebrities who appear to have dropped seven dress sizes three days after giving birth – it isn’t realistic!”
- “Go easy on yourself. It’s hard, but you can get through it. Rest and sleep when you can and just enjoy the cuddles.”
- “Try to have healthy snacks on hand you can grab and don’t need to prepare like fruit and cereal bars. And make your hot drinks in travel mugs, so they don’t go cold too quick.”
Your mind
“It’s natural to feel down sometimes, but if these feelings are happening a lot of the time, then you need to talk to someone about it,” says Maggie. “There are warning signs to look out for: feeling continually low or anxious, changes in your appetite and sleeping, intrusive thoughts crying, lack of enjoyment in things that you normally."
It’s really hard to admit how hard parenting is and that you need help. You probably want to put on a brave show. But my message is always, it’s OK to not be OK.
And remember that building a bond with your baby can take a long time, adds Maggie “Lots of mums don’t always fall in love with their baby straightaway, and can feel like a real failure. It’s really important that you don’t suffer in silence. Please pick up the phone, talk to us, tell us if you’re struggling.”
Small, positive steps every day can really help.
“There are some really good apps out to give you little nudges like the one from Action For Happiness. Try gentle yoga, mindfulness and walk every day in the fresh air – it’s brilliant exercise and you can meet with other mums outdoors,” say Maggie.
“Connecting with other mums, be it in real life, on an online forum, WhatsApp groups or Zoom calls is important. Hearing their experiences is a comfort. It can also help reduce social isolation and normalise what you’re feeling.”
Lots of us don’t realise that other people are feeling the same way, particularly around mental health, until we open up.
“To hear another mum say ‘it’s awful, but it will get better’ can make all the difference.”
Top tips from THP mums
- “Please remember it will get easier. You never get back the first week where they just sleep, cuddle and smell like a newborn, so try to enjoy it. Embrace sleeping in the day, PJs, takeaways and throw in a piece of fruit every so often.”
- “A baby carrier wrap. You will want to use the toilet, eat or brush your hair once in a while.”
- “Drop your standards. It’s OK not to vacuum.”
- “Breathe and keep going until the morning. And get a Netflix or BritBox subscription!”
- “Always make time for showers they will keep you awake and make you feel more human.”
Your close relationships
There’s no denying that your closest relationships are hugely impacted when baby arrives.
“There’s an increase in couple conflict in the year after having a baby. Common flare points are household tasks, finances and sex, which is the last thing on any new mum’s mind,” explains Maggie. “You need to keep communicating, be honest and be supportive of each other. This isn’t an easy time for either of you and you may both be missing your old lives. Your partner needs to know that they’re not being rejected while you concentrate on recovering and bonding with baby. And what I’d say to any partners is: please concentrate on making mum feel good about herself.”
This is undoubtedly a time that you need extra help and support, particularly if you’re a solo parent. But even though it’s well-meaning, other people’s advice can also sometimes feel intrusive.
So be clear about the kind of help you want, says Maggie. “Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need like shopping, ironing, cooking, laundry, or taking baby out for a couple of hours so that you can get your head down.”
“When you’re feeling very tired and sensitive, it’s hard having people tell you what you need to be doing. It might be feeling like they’re judging you.”
But listen to your instincts, you are the expert, you know your baby better than anyone else.
“Try to be assertive, say ‘this is what I’ve found’ and get your partner onboard to deflect any unwanted advice.”
Top tips from THP mums
- “Work out who’s your go-to person when you need help. Partners are great but when you are both sleep deprived, an extra pair of hands to hold baby or cook you both a meal is essential.”
- “Pull up the drawbridge. If you’re not ready for visitors just say, otherwise you’ll end up with a constant stream and feel so overwhelmed.”
- “Ask visitors to gift home cooked meals, instead of flowers. Flowers are just an extra thing to deal with when you barely have time to wee.”
Further information
For more information about mental health and wellbeing, check out the dedicated area on the .
The Institute of Health Visiting have shared their top tips for parents on a range of topics .
鶹Լ Action Line has details of organisations that can help support you.
