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“My mum died when I was 7, and my dad remarried, so for me growing up with half-siblings is very normal.”

For vlogger and author Louise Pentland, blended family life is something she has experienced from a young age.

However, she didn’t imagine she would find herself in a similar situation when she had her own children.

“I don’t think anyone ever plans to find themselves in a blended family,” Louise says. “I got married when I was 25 and had a beautiful little girl, called Darcy. A few years later, we found ourselves in a position when it was time to end the relationship.”

So by the time Darcy was 4, I was a single mum.

Although it was tough at first, Louise took some time to focus on herself and time with her daughter.

“It sounds so cringy, but I took some time to find out who I was and to enjoy being a Mummy and Darcy team. And after a rocky start, we really came to love it.”

Another member of the team (and then one more!)

This is when Louise met her now-fiancé Liam: “It was never meant to be anything more than a drink. But I think the moment when you love your life is also the time when you attract people into it.

“So we went for the first date on a Thursday, then our second on Friday, the third on Saturday and the fourth on Sunday! Then before I knew it, eight months later, I was pregnant with our daughter, Pearl.”

Louise says: “It actually worked out astonishingly well!”

But why does it work?

“I think it works because I had a bad experience with a blended family, and Liam’s parents are divorced, so he knows how that feels too. I think we both came to the table wanting to make it as smooth and drama-free as possible.”

The hardest part

Even though it has worked for Louise, it wasn’t easy.

“The hardest thing about blending a family is the high emotions involved because the stakes are so high,” Louise explains. “These are the most precious people in your life, and you want the absolute best for them.”

The strong emotions that naturally occur in this situation can be challenging for adults but even more difficult for children to navigate.Having empathy for everyone involved and balancing that with your own emotions is important. It can also be tricky.

“You might have all the excitement that comes with a new relationship, but not everyone shares these same feelings.”

You don’t just get to run off into the sunset like you might have done when you were teenagers.

“There’s also a layer of fear in there because it could all go wrong. And you don’t want to hurt any of the people involved.”

Here are some of Louise’s top tips for building a strong blended family, based on her experiences:

1. Give everything more time

Time plays an important role when you’re building a blended family.

“Give everything more time than you think it needs,” Louise says. “And be aware that not everyone is on your timescale.

While you might be absolutely besotted with a new partner, your children might not be.

“They’re going to need a lot more time to get to know them, and you need to understand and accept that.”

2. Communication is key

“We’ve tried to be as clear as possible when chatting to Darcy,” Louise explains.

“I think that communicating with children is underrated. We should explain what’s happening to them, even if we have to simplify it to make it really child-appropriate.”

Louise found this helped her during the pandemic when homeschooling disrupted Darcy’s custody routine:

“Explaining to Darcy and Pearl what’s going on and creating clear timelines and schedules has been what has worked for us.”

3. Be aware of your words

Louise avoided using labels such as “stepdad” or “family” when introducing Darcy to Liam.

“I wanted Darcy to feel like I was her mummy and her dad, my ex-husband, was her dad,” Louise explains. “So we mostly used words like ‘team’ and ‘gang’ when we chatted about me, her and Liam as a group.”

And now, Louise tries to be as honest as possible if Darcy ever asks questions:

“When she asks whether Liam is her stepdad, I say, ‘we’re not married, so technically he’s not your stepdad, and your dad is your dad.

“Liam is Pearl’s daddy, and if you feel like he’s like a dad to you, that’s great, but you don’t have to call him Dad. You can just call him Liam.”

I said if you’re really stuck, you can call him Mummy’s boyfriend.

4. Always be there

Making children feel heard and emotionally connected will help adults form a bond with them.

“When I was little, I felt like I got lots of gifts to hide the fact that, underneath, there wasn’t much feeling there,” Louise explains. “We’ve tried not to do that with Darcy.”

“Instead, we want her to know that Liam is always there to talk to her and is always there to love her.”

5. Remember the 3 Cs

For Louise, being calm, cool and collected is an important part of her family life.

“You have to remember that you are the adult in this situation, and that means behaving like it every single day,” she says.

“So even if you’re really tired and annoyed one day, you can’t lose that composure.”

Finding the time to be alone, as well as being together as a couple, can help your mental wellbeing and parenting.

“Of course, all of these things are easier said than done,” Louise says.

But when you do make it work, and you see that you’ve rebuilt your family and it’s worked out well, that’s when it’s all worth it.

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