Move over milestones, now it’s the turn of 'inchstones' which sees you celebrating the tiny triumphs in your child’s life.
From first words, to learning to walk, there are plenty of developmental milestones for your baby or child to reach. But while those amazing 'firsts' are incredible, there are lots of smaller, everyday wins that often fly under the radar.
Until now, that is. That’s because celebrating these 'inchstone' moments - from your baby getting their first tooth to your toddler getting to grips with potty training - is growing in popularity. So much so, that many are now considering inchstones - already a term often used by parents of children with additional needs - as one of the biggest parenting trends of 2024.
Mental health specialist Raoul Lindsay says, “Sometimes in life we see big achievements as our definition of being successful, but actually there are things we all do on a day-to-day basis that you can be proud of too.
“You don’t need to reserve praise for massive achievements that can take months or years. And it’s the same for parenting. Celebrate the little wins as they are available more readily, and more often, than the big moments.”
Here’s all you need to know about this year’s inchstones parenting trend…
What are inchstones?
Unlike ‘milestones’ - they are small moments that until now, you might not have celebrated.
It could be your baby sleeping through, or your toddler getting to grips with potty training. Whatever it is, parents are increasingly looking for ways to mark these mini-triumphs with anything from monthly progress cards to first tooth parties.
What are the benefits of inchstones?
Marking these everyday wins can be extremely beneficial for parents and children alike, says Raoul. “Our babies and children grow so fast, and change so quickly. We might move on to the next thing, without even really marking that they’re now dry at night or that their reading has improved.
“It’s so important to stay in the moment with our children and slow down time. In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) we talk about mindfulness and how important it is to be present and enjoy each little step. Celebrating inchstones is a way of focussing on your child and keeps your eye on those smaller moments.”
It’s also a way of taking the pressure off the bigger developmental milestones. “Parents often worry whether their child is developing at the rate they should be”, says Raoul.
“We’re often led to believe that children will gain certain skills and develop in the same linear fashion: walking by this age, or saying this number of words by this age, but this isn’t always the case.”
“And that can be problematic as it takes away from the individual child and puts a weight of expectation on them and their parent.
“Marking their inchstones is a way of being proud of all sorts of smaller triumphs that your baby or child achieves and being excited by them.”
And he adds, “Your child’s inchstone may not be a physical, emotional or motor skill but it’s still a key moment for you and them.”
How can I celebrate inchstones?
It’s up to you! You could try…
For babies…
Many parents have chosen to celebrate their baby's first tooth. Why not throw a little party for your baby and their friends… or their teddies.
For toddlers…
Potty training rewards are a hit with parents and toddlers. And they don’t have to be expensive - simply fill a jar or bag with little rewards, from edible treats like biscuits to coloured crayons for their drawings.
Top tip: wrapping these treats up makes them even more exciting for your child!
Another idea is to make inchstone reward charts with your child. This can be a fun activity if you’re trying to celebrate mini-milestones, like your toddler trying a new food or learning to share. Raoul adds, “This helps your child enjoy little rewards for those small-but-amazing moments.”
For older children…
At this age, Raoul says just noticing your child's inchstones can be enough. He says, “Praising your child can have a big impact on them. Acknowledging and celebrating their inchstones could be as simple as saying, ‘Your reading is really improving, well done’. By doing this, you’re helping them be proud of themselves in normal, frequent moments and this can be really beneficial.”
Raoul adds, “Think of the weight of expectation you have on yourself as an adult - it’s huge. As parents we want to try and model to our children that even the little moments are to be celebrated.
“I run therapy sessions and ask people to tell me something that’s happened in the last week that they are happy about. Often they’ll find it difficult, and say something like, ‘This sounds silly but I slept well last night’. I always explain that if it’s made them feel good and happy, then it’s a moment to be celebrated. And that’s the same with inchstones for children, especially as they get older.”
