"I was nearly seven and he was seventeen. - Even though there was such a great age difference between us I was quite close to him. He was another adult in the house, but he had more time for me - so I did really miss him.
I think when there is a family crisis it is easy for the adults to forget that there is a child around. My Mother’s immediate reaction was: "If I can’t have David I don’t want Julie." I don’t think she realised I was there. I also remember my Mum being comforted by a friend who said only the good die young. Part of me wanted to be good all the time, but at the same time if I was too good... So 90% of the time I was angelic and then I thought I better do something naughty - just in case.
It cast a big shadow over my childhood. Every Sunday we went to the cemetery. I don’t think this is normal. In a normal grieving process people learn to let go and move on, but I don’t think we did as a family. You couldn't miss a Sunday otherwise it was a sign that you had forgotten him.
My heart goes out to my Mum who kept it together as much as she did. But I think young children are easily overlooked and that they go through a lot as well. They can’t reason it through as adults can. Only the good die young - It was a throw away remark but it did stay with me, in a very literal sense. So my behaviour may look bizarre to the adults around me but it did have a logic to me..."
