Ronald Monroe, from the Isle of Man, finds himself at one of life's crossroads ...
I wonder how many Â鶹ԼÅÄ Truths listeners are at that stage of their lives where they’re confused about their role and status in family life? I’m a fifty something father of four, and my older children are in the process of setting up on their own.
My eldest daughter, Kate, is 21, and she’s just made the break from the family home. The enormity of this change in circumstances was brought home to me last week when she invited me round to her new flat for a meal to celebrate my fifty something birthday.
I drove to Douglas with my two younger children. At Kate’s, shepherd’s pie is produced and my children behave towards each other with civility. The conversation doesn’t swing around mutual invective and insult. All is civilised and pleasant. But…I’m not relaxed. What’s the matter?
These powerful feelings are associated with the fact that this is the first time I’ve eaten a meal prepared by one of my children in their own homes. For the first time in my parental life I felt truly a guest, and that meant Kate, was truly an adult.
But what did that make me, apart from a Dad with diminished responsibility? Should I help to put the dishes out, set the table, ask the younger children to help? Where should I sit? For the first time since becoming a father over twenty years ago I had to make the conscious decision not to take control of a family situation. I feel sure Kate must have noticed the jerks and twists of suppressed parental dominance and control freakery, but she didn’t comment.
As I drove home I knew something significant had happened. I knew I’d entered a new phase of my life; a phase that promised to be less stressful. I suppose in the past this change would have been signalled by engagement and marriage, but in these informal and understated times children move out of innocent dependence and into adulthood in unsignalled ways. For me, being a guest at my daughter’s house was an unexpected signal at a crossroads in my life, and it had caught me unawares.
