Sandra from BT rang me yesterday to say I could add some more names to my Friends and Family list. It sent me into a blue funk, because I had enough trouble thinking of the first 10. I've only got a little family, so it means I have to make up my list with close friends which means I have to analyse my popularity rating every time I do it.
I asked Sand, "What sort of, um' figure would you name as the number of close friends that would be average?"
She said "Well, erring on the side of caution, excluding family, about 20 close friends, don't you think?"
I remember the first time I had to think about how many close mates I had, was when I was 14. The categories included, Acquaintances, Family Friends, Approximate Mates, Accidental Mates - these are mates you make accidentally, and then are saddled with. Nauseating Pamela Green would be in this category. She lent me her hula hoop when I was four, and just hung about after that. Then you're onto Close Casuals, people you have a laugh with, but don't really know your soul. People who'd cry a bit but quickly perk up if there was a party on. Top of the list, are of course, Tip Top Super-Mates.
I couldn't let Sandra know that I was the only person in England, unable to stump up 20 close mates, so I did eventually get a list together, but I had to cheat.
I may suggest to Sandra that BT adopt a more tough line to stamp out this disease of pretend close matiness. For instance, if one of your tip top close pals, lets you down, a quick call from Sandra would inform them that unless they pulled they're socks up smartish, they'd find themselves off your list. But then, they might retaliate by dropping me from their list!
