When I comes to her son’s girlfriends, Monica Grenfell’s a complete control freak …after all, they could be mothering her grandchildren…
Monica gets quite excited when she finds out that her son Michael, 26 or James, 24 are getting serious about their girlfriend, "I think I’m going to have this wonderful new person in my life." Monica admits that her interest is fuelled by her own agenda, "It’s not a suitable wife for my children I’m interested in, but a suitable daughter-in-law for myself!"
James discovered her mother’s motives when he introduced his first long-term girlfriend to her, about five years ago, "Mum rather grilled her I think!" There's a sharp intake of breath from Monica, "I didn’t do any such thing … but you have to think, don’t you, that a daughter-in-law is for life, not just for Christmas! You want someone who’s going to be a really good friend to you, and of course, on whom you can bestow all my undoubted wisdom!"
When Monica’s been particularly impressed by a girlfriend, she makes sure on the second visit that she pulls out all the stops, "It’s a bit like having a home visit from the RSPCA. You want to make sure they’re going to like you and you’re a family they’ll be happy to come and visit for years…"
Over protective? Interfering? "Yes," affirms Monica, "absolutely - and I’m very happy to be so." Monica re-married herself, and her main concern was that the man she chose would be a good stepfather to her two sons, "Anything we do has a ripple effect on everyone else’s life. I think it’s important if someone’s coming into the family as a daughter-in-law, to have good relations with everyone."
James knows when his mum is keen on a particular girlfriend," She makes that bit extra effort, sometimes too much.." Take over a bit? "Well - yes.. mum sets the agenda for it all, she takes it quite seriously, whereas we don’t, not when we first start going out with a girl.."
Monica is, according to her son James, a bit of a looker, very glamorous and very fit. "That can be quite a threat to some of our past girlfriends - it was certainly quite a challenge for some of them." The sign of Monica approving of a particular girlfriend, is that she ceases to ask endless probing questions, "I’m just dying for a lovely daughter-in-law - I want that relationship in my life - the first time round, having your own children it was all such a rush. I want a daughter-in-law who’ll be a good friend, someone I can get to like… someone who won’t just see me as the older figure."
"And I always thought you were thinking of us, Mum!" says James.
James has been seeing Chloe for about 9 months now. "She’s older than James," Monica says, "and has a child, which threw me completely. I’d had this image of myself as the mother-in-law from hell, with a daughter I could boss around and give her the benefit of my wisdom when she has my first grandchild… She’s also about 6foot tall. But she’s fabulous, fabulous - I’ll kill him if he get’s rid of her - she just can’t go!"
