"If music be the food of love, then why does it give me indigestion and send my blood pressure through the roof? I made a mistake a few years ago and encouraged my children to take up any musical instrument they fancied and play it as much as they liked. And they did take up several and played them as much as they liked - which was never. So every evening, a battle rages in our house a battle of wills a battle of wits, a war of attrition.
"Tom? Can you go up and do some oboe practice, please?"
"Can't. I've split my lip."
This is one of the standard excuses together with the corner of my mouth's cracked, my ribs are aching, I've got no breath today or my lungs are feeling tickly. But I'm used to this so I say, through gritted teeth, "Do it anyway!"
5 minutes later he's back in the kitchen. "Finished", he announces. Strangely I don't argue.
I call my other son.
"Mike, how about some violin practice?"
"Can't. I've got a sore finger. I bit all the skin off in maths and it hurts.!
"I don't care! Just do it!" I swear that boy bites his nails just to get out of playing the violin.
"OK, do it anyway and just don't use your middle finger!"
Stump, Stump, slam. 5 minutes later he's back. "Finished. We're going on the play station now." However, the play station is in the den which is just under where I do my singing practice. I choose a big aria you have to belt out as loudly as you can. I take a deep breathe and off I go. Chaos breaks down out below. Exclamations of rage and, "Shut UP!" screamed up through the floor boards in stereo.
The boys win through in the end though, they pick up their electric guitars and succeed in drowning out their mothers singing.
