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3 Oct 2014

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My Drug Addict Daughter

Sandra is 24. She was until recently addicted to heroin. She has two children, the elder is now 4 - and they’re living in a Salvation Army Hostel in Yorkshire. Sandra is the youngest of 6 children, 4 girls and one boy - none of the others has had trouble with drugs. Sandra’s parents live comfortably. Ray Kershaw went to find out how their daughter had become involved in heroin…

Sandra’s mother decribes her youngest daughter as normal happy girl from a normal happy family. The trouble started at 14, the age at which Sandra met her partner. At 16 she left school to live with him, "When I was 18, both my partner and I picked up a heroin addiction." When Sandra became pregnant at 20, she felt that it was time to stop taking drugs. She did, but her partner didn’t, and shortly after having her baby, Sandra was back on drugs again.

The heroin habit cost money, and gradually, the furniture, television and video were sold off. Sandra’s parent were puzzled by their home which looked increasingly bare, but was unaware that the couple were selling the contents of their flat to fund their drug habit. "They lost everything, " said Sandra’s mother, "they ended up in a hostel, we got the shock of our life when we saw them coming out of there, a baby in their arms, and a black plastic bag - if you knew what that did to me that day." Sandra’s parents had no idea that their daughter had been on drugs "It was the last thing on our minds; when we found it was heroin we nearly died." They asked themselves again and again what they could have done or not done to cause the problem. Where had the normal, happy, family girl gone to?

But the circle happened again, almost exactly as before. Sandra became pregnant , and her partner continued on drugs, they lost their home again, and went back into a hostel. Sandra’s mother, "The worst thing is seeing your own daughter gradually sinking down into the gutter. And there were two grandchildren who were paying for my daughters mistakes . We were very worried about the baby being born addicted - if he had I don’t know whether I could have forgiven my daughter."

Sandra felt now that she had had enough. She wanted to live a normal life for the children’s sake. Whilst waiting the three weeks to get on to the Leeds addiction unit, her mother supported her with money for heroin, "I gave her money just make sure she was fit enough to look after the children - my husband didn’t know - I felt as bad as she did. I felt it was something I had to do, I just didn’t know what else to do for her."

With the help of Leeds Women's aid and the Leeds Addiction Unit, Sandra's whereabouts were kept secret from her partner for six months. They were both off heroin when they got back together. Shortly after, Sandra’s partner left her and the children, "He decided because he’d been on drugs throughout his childhood - which I had too - he wanted to leave and re-live his teenage years." Their relationship deteriorated, Sandra’s partner was violent towards her, and eventually Sandra asked to be moved from the house - she was back in a hostel again, "I just hope I never have to come back to a place like this…"

Sandra’s mother is cautiously optimistic, "She seems to mean what she says this time. She seemed to do all right, but it took a long time before we could fully believe her … she looks well and so do the children, but the worry is always there…"

As a parent, what have you discovered about your child which has horrified or surprised you?
As a child, what aspect of your life have you kept secret from your parents?
How would you say your relationship been affected by a secret kept or a revelation made?

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