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Crustacean Crisis
Nick Fisher explores the surprisingly plausible similarities between his children and crayfish.
Most of the crayfish in this country are vermin. These alien crayfish are violent aggressive beast with voracious appetites, in many ways not unlike small lobsters. My two sons, Rory and Rex, are also aggressive little beasts with voracious appetites. They too, are not unlike small lobsters. The other day on a fishing trip, I set my crayfish trap - the net was bulging was with, finger-nipping, huge crayfish within half an hour.
Back home, I put my haul of crayfish in the kitchen sink, soaking them in water overnight, and introduced them to my two small sons early the next morning.The crayfish scuttle around and attack each other which is what crayfish like to do best when they're not eating. Like my two small sons - when they're not eating. I explained to Rory that we were going to clean the crayfish, boil them, then eat them.
A critical moment in the lifespan of these particular crayfish occurred somewhere on my journey between kitchen to bedroom as I took my wife a cup of tea. Rory had switched taps and turned the crayfishes, cool refreshing ablutions, into a steamy scene from Dante's Inferno. One benefit to pre-cooking crayfish with near boiling water is that they do become very docile - after par -boiling they do make very good pets.
As I cooked an cleaned the crays, Rex made friends with one on the kitchen floor. He wouldn't let go of his new-found crustacean chum. He never did let go of it as far as I know, and I never did find the corpse. Like the time he took my mobile phone. The only way I ever found that again wedged under the barbecue was to ring it. Crayfish are clever, but not clever enough to ring loudly when dialled.
I never found Rex's new nippy friend. After two and a half weeks, I hope I never do.
What unusual objects or people have you
become attached to?
Who or what was involved?
How did the relationship begin - and how did it end?
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