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3 Oct 2014

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Child Carer

Meg Henderson's life changed forever the day her aunt died...

Meg grew up on a fairly rough working class housing estate in Glasgow. Her mother was a go-ahead Presbyterian who wanted the best for her children but her father, who was a huge delight to all who knew him, was an alcoholic.

Nothing prepared Meg for what happened when she was 11. Her 27 year-old aunt, Peggy, died in horrendous circumstances during childbirth. Meg's mother couldn't cope with the loss of her sister and the whole of that side of the family fell to pieces. Meg's mum literally turned her face to the wall. "She became agoraphobic only in those days working class people weren't agoraphobic so there was no question of anyone trying to do anything for her".

Meg suddenly had to face adult responsibilities. She had to look after her parents and older brother and do everything - the cleaning, the cooking, shopping. At school she went from being an A student straight to D but nobody bothered or took any notice. "I was having to cope with my mum's sanitary towels, I was buying my mother's underwear and doling out her tablets."

She worried about having to look after the money - most of it was drunk by her Dad - and felt the strain of getting food "on the slate" from the local food van that used to come round the estate. "I never went to pop concert, or had the chance to behave as an idiot. I didn't do any standard teenage stuff at all".

She has subsequently adopted her own children - and is intensely aware of not letting them get anywhere near any of the things she's experienced. Her greatest achievement, she thinks, is bringing them up so they have a blase attitude to money.

If you look after someone older than you, how do you feel about your responsibilities?
How would you feel if you had to rely on your child to take care of you?

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