I was having dinner with a friend the other night when he used those four dreaded words that seem to have become the theme tune for my generation "Have You Heard About .... Ella and me"... i.e. we've split, parted, gone our separate ways, slid irretrievably down the slippery slope that leads to the Big D-I-V-O-R-C-E word.
And thereby leaving me stuck in the middle wondering what on earth to say. What do those of us on the sidelines of this desperate sadness do? Whose side are we supposed to be on? And is it appropriate to talk of sides any more?
I've heard some people expect to revert to an exclusive friendship with whichever half of the couple they were first friends with. Others wait - as if they are part of the record collection - to see who claims them. Some go by gender loyalty, or side automatically against the person they consider to be at fault. Being even handed can be difficult, especially when one night Eric is telling you his side of the story and Ella's telling you hers the next. If she says, "It's only a trial separation" does it really help matters for you to weigh in with "That's not what I heard"?
I find the best answer is always to say "um". "Um" does not condemn either party and it allows you to remain compassionately on the fence during this eruption of civil strife. Don't forget it is always possible - just possible - that Eric and Ella may one day reconcile. What good will your partiality have achieved then?
