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Squire Aldridge's Journal - Part IV

A further entry in Robert Ing's occasional series:

22 Nov: Fog. Obadiah Green d of the Brown Flux. Cardinal Vermucelli poison'd accidentally by Jesuits.

Kicked elderly Quaker in PM, and spat upon man who looked as if he might be French. Won 5 sovs of Sir Oliver Foxbrush wagering that he cd not play Lilibulero upon the hpschd after consumg six botts claret (ITEM: to repairs of hpschd: 0£ ,5s, 6d).

A Cantg Fellow from Anti-Slavery Society arriv'd seeking to solicit my support and subscription, but as my plantations in Hongarie are work'd by labourers of that condition, I sent him on his way. Flung a chamber pot after him, but alas, it was empty (ITEM: to chamber pot: 0£, 0s, 3/4d). Dined but ill after winng my wager with Sir O.

23 Nov: Rain. Obadiah Brown d of the Green Flux. Elijah Nettlebed saw the Devil in Foulacre Mire and went m. Elector Palatine depos'd again, though no man noticed.

Approach'd in the AM by Kenton Archer who had a v interesting proposal to buy shares in a bubble he had found in the South Sea. Resolv'd to give this serious thought as it could be the makg of undrept wealth. Bt cheap ox of Fredck Sheepshank. (ITEM: to cheap ox of Fredck Sheepshank: 0£, 0s, 2d).

Daughter Debbie whom I had not seen for three years arrived in the PM. Her husband Simon, a vile republican colonialist, has left her again and she implor'd me to challenge the fellow to a duel, sayg that Paternal Love must demand at least Such an Hazard. Din'd but ill again, and cd scarce but finish one bott Brandy (ITEM: to physick: 0£, 0s, 1/4d).

24 Nov: Drizzle. Eli Wallace d of the Grommets. The Intelligencer reports sev'l Learned Fellows of the Royal Society d watching Sir Humph Davey demonstratg the properties of the Hydrochlorick Acid. The Rev'd Augustus Pargetter unfrocked yet a fourth time, and should he make it yet a fifth he must surely be excommunicated.

Cheap ox that I bt of Fredck Sheepshank d in the PM. Coroner sat on Obadiah Green and Obadiah Brown, but, being confus'd, found that both d of "a Flux of some Kind".

Thought hard upon the words of my daughter Debbie, and as the Fellow knows my Secret was much tempted to take her counsel. But upon reflectg of the Dangers of such a venture, resolv'd instead to denounce him to the Militia. Din'd upon 6 botts Madeira, leverets, elvers and a small creature I cd not readily identify (ITEM: to emeticks: 0£, 0s, 1/4d).

Read previous entries in Squire Aldridge's Journal

Profile of the writer - and his equally talented sister


More parodies - from Agatha Christie to Damon Runyon



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