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Poisoning Raptors on the Shoot
by The Vintner's Driver
 One for Tom Lehrer fans, or indeed anyone who appreciates black humour, this parody of Poisoning Pigeons in the Park comes from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Springtime's here, the shoot is in gear.
Nurturing pheasants, never fear.
This is the trickiest time of the year if you're keepering.
Boo hoo, me too? What to do?
But there's something, you'll see, that fills me with glee,
And makes the job such a great big treat for me.
So to dispel our gloom
On a spring afternoon,
We go poisoning raptors on the shoot.
Most every day you'll see
Malcolm, silently,
As he poisons the raptors on the shoot.
They don't see it coming, when we pull our little trick,
They still go for the rodents brimful with arsenic.
You may think it trite,
When we say it's all right,
To go poisoning raptors on the shoot.
It may be thought improper,
And we could come a cropper
If someone calls in a copper
'Bout our sport.
Some might think it topper
And all right and proper,
To make Crawford wield his chopper
If we're ever caught.
You don't need to be a wizard
To wish to terminate a buzzard.
So any day you are free,
Come with Malcolm and me,
And we'll poison the raptors on the shoot.
And maybe we'll do
In a badger or two,
While we're poisoning raptors on the shoot.
We'll slaughter them all and laugh and make merry,
If we find any corpses, then we'll quickly bury.
My heart will be patterin'
With each dose of wa'farin
We feed to a Red Kite.
(It just takes a small bite!)
To poison a raptor on the shoot.
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