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GSOH?
 Contributors to the Fantasy Archers topic of have been scanning the personal column of the Borchester Echo:
Young gamekeeper, country lover, recently separated, seeks a new lady for quiet nights in, at idyllic cosy cottage deep in the Borsetshire Woods. If you are good with babies and corporate clients, and enjoy the rustle of pheasants' wings in the long grass, then please get in touch. Well behaved dog an advantage.
Fun loving brummie seeks discreet fun away from confines of cramped family home. Â鶹ԼÅÄspun rustic preferred but no tractors.
Very slim blonde (26) NSOH seeks strong, silent, submissive male for orgasmic (no cross that out; I really meant)organic partnership. Cheese-lover preferred. No gun owners.
Local businessman, expanding in Europe, seeks German lessons. Attractive young ladies only (must include photograph)
Young entrepreneur seeks attractive chick. Must see my sausage!
Mature serious female (39) seeks non-gambling, non-smoking, non-dog owning male (35) for stable relationship. Experience in insurance risk assessment and litigation a distinct advantage. All replies will be vetted.
Wife wanted for clerical gentleman (young middle aged) tired of unsatisfactory unions. Must like good old English cooking and cultural pursuits, enjoy the company of Bishops and know their Bible inside out. Preferably blonde, and blue eyed, red hair just about acceptable (no, not you Siobhan).
GOOD DOG SEEKS GOOD HOME. No squabbling adults, squawking babies, business clients and especially no silly birds please. Looking to lead a new life away from the noise of the countryside.
North Eastern Amazon requires gadget-obsessed action man with a penchant for udder manipulation
Farm hand with penchant for poetry looking for partner to discuss things with - must have own voice.
Elderly man, very quiet by nature, absolutely busting and potty to meet elderly woman. Must have portable commode.
Do you think you ever fathered a son? Do you want to travel? Do you have a sceptic ... skeptick ... Do you think science is rubbish an' stuff? Do stretch marks do it for you? Call me now!
Long-john wearing, baccy smoking, cider pressing mumbling grumbling yokel stereotype seeks woman to spile his trosh
Seven month old baby boy, already disillusioned with all his parents, seeking dull sensible foster parents, UK only (have recently mislaid passport).
Quiet blonde, recently divorced and very well provided for needs a man to widen her horizons and give her a voice. Brummies need not reply.
House-proud - and with good reason - career woman (admin, sausages and cheese) seeks aspiring career man GSOH N/S, nice physique i.e. broad shoulders, for friendship, support, understanding and nothing else unless he loikes, ooops, likes central 'eating boilers. Must be solvent, like oatmeal carpets and have clean feet. Oh, and be a good listener. Not you, Neil.
Recently out of work parakeet seeks winter home, now available for fly-by panto appearances.
Country vet seeks lady who likes living on the edge. Must have large bank balance.
Country gent, wacky SOH, N/S, OHAC, O treetop walk & O gorilla suit seeks loving lady, gentle disposition, no family baggage preferred, for romance and happier times.
Retired farmer's wife seeks Jamie Oliver type for happy hours of casserole construction and consumption. Must have own hotpot.
RU up 4 it? 2 sxi gls, 16, lukn 4 2 buff boyz 17/18. Own trnspt senshl. txt phto. A&A. ps if my dad EVER answers phone, right, say you are from college debating society.
STRONG SILENT TYPE. Chauffer with access to Bentley. Used to taking orders. Seeks dominant female to drive him crazy.
Woman, 50s, runs successful ethical business seeks man with strong back for the usual.
Want to be the rose in my pot-pourri of happiness? Strong stem essential, and I don't mind a little prickle. Let me be the uplifting additive in your intense, vegan and pure life. Fair trade breatharian preferred.
Open minded and understanding congregation required by self-conscious vicar into leather and motorcycles.
Middle age farmer with Kalvin Klein (I think designer something) glasses somewhere looks for young lass to show me a good time. May be able to supply garter. Must be discrect.
Two gorgeous young Nottingham beauties seek dull paunchy middle-aged men in muddy boiler suits (full complement of eyes not essential) for fun and organic carrot-related conversation. Is that a fishing rod in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me? Call Saskia c/o Underwoods lingerie dept.
Fishermen need pair of Old Trout to keep them away from the fry.
CAN YOU LIMBO-DANCE? Do you look good in black lace uniform? Red-hot supremo seeks discreet, bubbly ice-maiden to handle his irons that are often in the fire. Occasional travel, overnighting. No cellulite an advantage, pertness appreciated, own boobs essential. Can you smooth out wrinkly situations? This is an equal opportunities position: applications welcome from any or either sex, 38, 24, 36 . Oh, typing an advantage. N/S.
Family Mediation Centre. Due to increased workload Borchester FMC seeks qualified and experienced family counsellors. Immediate start.
Five characters in search of a sub-plot. Increasingly silent characters seek amusing/diverting subplots to increase radio-appearances (Christmas expenses). Send suggestions to AliceKathyKentonJoleenAdam@thebull
Retired businessman seeks purchaser for - now what was it - Oh yes a country hotel complex - yes that's it - a country hotel. Did I say I was retired? I used to own this newspaper you know.
Lady in her prime seeks gentleman with good memory for occasional socialising and walks to the village shop. Must be good with cats.
Large family seek reality TV exposure (if the money is good). We are a pretty average lot with the usual mix of problems - teenage motherhood, criminal charges although we wuz framed, like a drink or two no more than anybody else, we have many good points as well and are known far and wide for keeping our mouths shut, but think it is now time to spill the beans.
Our thanks to ElaineMc, ElizaBennet, englishpersoninNY, Gnome de Plume, Jennycomelately, Mike, Mr Snowy, MrLegs, OldWalter, Clint Driftwood, Orsen Trapp, RosieT, SeptemberMarnie, Tabby, THEJennyDarling, thomastherhymer, U2291030 Nine ten thirty Barwick Blue, VickyS.
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