High Noon
by Anglo-Norman
Here's a tale of the Wild West Country, from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
The wind whistled down the main street of Ambridge (population: c58 speaking), litter bowling along with it. The place seemed almost deserted, apart from the motor vehicles, the people and the animals. Not for nothing did Ambridge have a reputation as the roughest, toughest place in all of Borsetshire.
In The Bull, the rough, hardy cowhands drank and swore, and swore and drank, and played at cards and other rough, tough cowhand-type games, like bar skittles. Suddenly the door burst open and a figure stood framed in it, silhouetted against the light outside.
"Shut that door!"
The shout came from The Bull's owner, Sid ‘Shower’ Perks. No-one but Sid and his wife, the wild, luscious Jolene, knew where the nickname came from, and no-one dared ask. The only man who ever had was dead; well, he had been 104. The stranger walked into the room and up to the bar. All eyes turned to watch, and a breathless hush fell over the room. The band upstairs had just finished one of their numbers. The stranger walked into the light, cursed as he clutched at his head, and then adjusted the lamp so that his face was illuminated.
"Well, well," said Jolene, flaunting her ankles outrageously, a clever trick since they were hidden behind the bar, "if it isn't ‘Cool Hand’ Kenton Archer, the man with the fastest drawers in the County." Kenton nodded slightly, but forbore to comment on her snide remark - that was between himself and his underwear.
"I'm hearing how you're frequenting Jaxx these days," continued Jolene softly. Kenton shrugged.
"I'm the manager" he said. "Emma thinks I ought to be there occasionally."
Sid coughed in order to break the tension, and said, "what'll it be, Cool Hand? A glass of salmonella?"
"That's sarsaparilla!" hissed Jolene irritably.
"Shires," said Kenton, not taking his eyes off Sid. Sid poured the drink into the thimble sized cup it was traditionally served in - for no man ever dared drink more at one sitting - and slid it along the bar towards Kenton. He still hadn't taken his eyes off Sid, though, so missed the drink entirely and it was fielded by Grumblin’ Joe Grundy, who drank it.
"I'm here to talk to you, as it happens," said Kenton to Sid.
"Is that so?" replied Sid slowly, reaching under the bar. His fingers closed around the comfortingly heavy form of his cheque book. You wouldn't catch ‘Shower’ Perks paying any money if he could help it.
"Yup," said Kenton "I wanna know what your intentions are towards Kathy Perks," he continued threateningly.
"They are entirely honourable," replied Sid.
"Yeah?" said Kenton, a mocking smile playing about his lips. "Well I reckon you're two-timing both her and Jolene here. What d'you say to us two sortin’ it out tomorrow. Fastest draw. At noon in the High Street." He sneered ineffectually. "Or are you yellow?" Sid shook his head.
"No, that's just the glow from the internet," he explained. Kenton nodded and pushed against the door. He pushed a bit harder.
"It opens inwards," said Sid. And so the stage was set for a showdown ...
