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Snowy's List
 From the Fantasy Archers topic of , the prolific Mr Snowy has a few casting suggestions for the new year. ("V" of course is the Archers editor, Vanessa Whitburn).
If some day it might happen that V has to wield the axe
I've got a little list - I've got a little list
I'd attach it to an e-mail, I would send it in a fax
Of whom does it consist? Of whom does it consist?
There's the pestilential Pargetters, they're right there at the top
The bard who writes those rotten rhymes is next to get the chop
The vicar and his Hindu bride, if all should go to plan
And ev'ryone called Hebden-Lloyd; I wouldn't spare Fat Dan
The gin-soaked prison widow waiting for a licensed tryst
They all go on the list - they're all upon my list
Chorus
He's got 'em on his list - they're all on Snowy's list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.
Who will be the next contender as we carry on the cull?
It's Wayne Tucson, I insist - I've got him on the list
Plus his ex, the flame-haired temptress, and her hubby at the Bull
They'll all cease to exist - they'll all cease to exist
The misanthropic keeper, Will, is certain to be there
The woman that he married and his brother should beware
And for a Christmas Special, like they have in all the soaps
Why can't we see a plane descend upon the Brookfield dopes?
Let's not forget appalling Pip, the conservationist
All at the Post Office - I'm sure they'd not be missed!
Chorus
He's got 'em on his list - they're all on Snowy's list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - we know they'd not be missed
There's the big-bapped marketeer and all others of her ilk
Like the rotaphile racist - we know he loves a list
Her dad, the dazzling dancer who by day delivers milk
He never would be missed - he never would be missed
The step-mama, the ghastly Vicks, her hoard of teddy bears
Her fiancé, the Sausage King, obsessed with market shares
His parents out at Bridge Farm, boring Pat and Mono-Tone
Whilst Aldridge and his spawn deserve a list all of their own
I know that I should stick now but I'm still inclined to twist
I simply can't resist - let's add on Auntie Chris
Chorus
Yes! Add on Auntie Chris - she's now on Snowy's list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed
I've got my second wind now as I start upon page two
Where Peggy gets dismissed - where Peggy gets dismissed
And I'd see the back of Kathy if that's quite all right with you
The woman's round the twist - she's right around the twist
I've got no time for Jazzer; Joe and Eddie don't impress
I'd trade them to get Hazel back - she's brill (but I digress)
Sack Mabel, Usha's family - who's next to get the shunt?
The cousin of Lord Netherbourne, the Master of the Hunt
Whose so-called "eye for business" proves he's no economist
He's down there on my list - he's down upon the list
Chorus
He's got 'em on his list - they're all on Snowy's list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - we know they'd not be missed
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