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Sorry to leave? Moi?
21 Sep 2001
An alternative view of moving day - and after - from the Fantasy Archers section of the Archers message board.
by Mary Sanderson
Really Jill, do come on now old girl" grunted Phil as he unpeeled her fingers from the oak beams in the kitchen.
"Urrgh Urrgh" Jill squeaked. Ruth lassooed her ankles and started tugging. "Urrgh Urrgh" Jill squeaked again. David appeared with a stout walking stick and starting beating his mother around the head and shoulders with considerable force. "Urggh Urrgh" she squeaked.
"Now do come along darling" grunted Phil cheerily "Gosh, anyone would think that you didn't want to leave!"
Ruth took her cardie off and draped it over the back of a chair. "You've changed things already" screamed a hysterical voice from the door. Phil appeared behind her and threw a blanket over her head. "Sorry" he muttered as he manhandled her towards the removal van "Honestly, we will get away eventually"
The alarm, as always, went off too soon. David and Ruth yawned and stretched, happy in the knowledge that the house was now theirs. "Shall us burn all that owld tat yer mam put in the attic today Dayveed?" murmered Rooth.
"What, that inheritance stuff for Elizabeth? Oh yes, I think so love. We'll have a bonfire and make a night of it eh? Tinned sausages, pappy white bread, crisps eh?"
Rooth's eyes shone "Away aye! and not fergedding the termato ketchup!"
"Yeah, from now on we can do just what we want, great isn't it? Anyway, love, you stay there and I'll go put the kettle on and open the cornflakes packets"
"Orreeet pet, bonny lad" said Rooth implausibly.
Dayveed made his way down the stairs, it was still dark outside, and he could hear the wind wuthering, a storm was still blowing itself out. He pushed open the kitchen door, and an all too familiar voice called out with hysterical, manic cheeriness: "Morning darling, one egg or two?"
Visit The Archers Message Board for more flights of fantasy, discussion about the programme and more.
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