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Fantasies |
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Shulughcide
By Spleen Angel
Illustrated by Nick Ellwood
Clarrie tried to leave the dairy as quietly as possible, but .."Oh damn", she muttered under her breath "It's that interfering old cow again".
"Hello Clarrie" Shulugh smirked "I've just popped by for some yoghurt. I am sorry to hear you have been having problems with Edward; if you need any advice on child-rearing, I'd be only to happy to give you some. I do feel, though part of the fault lies with you working. I firmly believe that a mother shouldn't work outside the home until their youngest child is at least 18."
 Quick as a flash Clarrie grabbed Shulugh by the throat and slammed her up against the dairy wall.
"Look, you patronising, smug, sanctimonious, judgmental, hypocritical old slag," she yelled " the only advice I'd come to you for, is how to shag my best friend's husband and get away with it. Or did you really think the whole village had forgotten about that? Well, I haven't and sure as hell Usha hasn't!. And," Clarrie continued "As for your outmoded views on childcare, why don't you go share them with your dim brother and his cackling shrew of a wife - at least my kids know who their parents are!"
"Typical ungrateful Grundy attitude" gasped Shulugh "Everybody knows that it was Usha drove Richard into my arms. She didn't cook for him, she didn't iron, she insisted on having a career. No wonder he sought solace with me."
"Really?" sneered Clarrie, pushing her face right up to Shulugh's. "So it was an act of charity was it? You are so good you ought to be sainted. Hey, but don't saints have to be dead? Well I think I can arrange that"
 It was quite a struggle getting Shulugh into the dairy, and even more of a struggle getting her head into the machine that shrunk-wrapped the cheese, but Clarrie was a strong woman, her muscles developed form years of hard physical work, and she managed it eventually.
It took long a while for Shulugh to die, and the smell of burning flesh was overwhelming, but eventually the squeals of pain stopped and the body stopped twitching. Clarrie sighed with satisfaction, this death was going be more difficult to explain than Pat's, "But" she thought "Usha would think of something - Usha would be only too glad to help".
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