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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Parrots and Pomeranians
by Vicky S
 There's been some speculation on The Archers message board over the "incident with Mrs Doughty's Pomeranian", which has estranged Lynda from her Grey Gables colleague Arturo. This solution to the mystery is from the board's Fantasy Archers topic.
Arturo whistled happily to himself as he polished the brass plate briskly. One final flourish of his duster and it gleamed like gold in the September sun. Mentally he ran through his list of to-do tasks. Block up the hole under the sink so Hissy Lizzy couldn't squeeze her coils under the floorboards again. Email the Borchester Arachnid Society to see if they could loan an emergency replacement for Red Kneed Ruthie. Poor Ruthie, damn Bunty Hebden and her fat backside. Phone the insurance company ...
"Morning Arturo." Brenda stepped out of Jaxx and began to mop the step. "Glorious isn't it? Shame to be working really. Not at Grey Gables today then?"
"No I do lates Tuesday to Friday so I can spend time here during the day."
"Oh yeah. Roy said he can always rely on you to do the lates in the week. He's always whinging on about his blumming staffing lists. Don't know how you can stand working with him sometimes. Must be a relief to get away here and do your own stuff. I really admire you, you know, setting up your own business. How are things going then? Trade picking up?"
"Better than I'd hoped to be honest, Bren. I'm getting a lot of word-of-mouth referrals, and a really good amount of repeat business. And this sign's helped; had quite a few walk-in enquiries since it went up."
"Well, I'm not really surprised. It's what I say all the time to my friend Tom, get the product right and that's half the battle, then hit them with the marketing and you're away. OK you're a bit of a niche market but you've obviously got it pitched just right. And the sign is really eye-catching."
She leaned forward for a closer look. The brass plate ran the width of the door. In elaborately curliqued letters, it proudly proclaimed:
Arturo d'Ambridge International Agency for Amazing Animals
and in smaller letters underneath
Professional Pet Performers for Private Parties
"Are you still getting those awful calls from the pervy Californian film companies?" asked Brenda sympathetically.
"A few," he admitted, "but not as many as I used to. Word must be getting round that I'm legit and don't do any funny stuff."
"I don't know about that," Brenda sniggered, "our Roy says he almost peed himself laughing at that reception the other week, when your cute little dog, the one who jumps out of cakes, destroyed that woman's hat."
"It was her own fault, she shouldn't have put it on the floor in the first place. Jacko was confused and thought it was his chewy toy", said Arturo stiffly, "and everyone knows Pomeranians are possessive and sensitive to loud noises. If she hadn't shouted at him and tried to pull it away he would never have snapped at her like that."
The Agency phone began to ring.
"I'd better get it", he said, "you know what Lynda is always telling Trudy: customer satisfaction starts when the phone is answered by the fifth ring. See you later Bren. I'll probably be in for a coffee about eleven."
Arturo moved the empty parrot cage from the office chair.
"Good morning. Arturo's Animal Agency. Arturo speaking. How may I help you?"
"Oh. Good morning to you too. My name is Julia Carmichael-Pargetter, special events organiser at Lower Loxley Conference Centre ..."
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